I'm a big fat bully.

[Wade]

Have you ever wondered whether you're a bully or not? "Bullying" has been a hot topic the last couple years, especially in the "gay community" what with the whole "it gets better" campaign. Overall, I think the intent of the campaign was good, but I think it oversimplified a complicated human phenomenon by dividing people, specifically kids, into two groups: the bullies and the victims.

When I think of my childhood/high school time I consider myself to have been a decent person who tried his best to be as kind as possible to everyone, and occasionally the "victim" of bullying. My assessment of myself is, I'm taking a wild guess, probably very common. I think most people would see themselves as such. But I don't think it's necessarily true.

There are people in my history who I have burning, awful thoughts for just because they did one thing that hurt my feelings. If someone brings up so-and-so, I'll think "Ooooh, I hate that son of a bitch! He shoved me once on the way to gym." That poor guy has no clue that some red faced loser out there (me) has a grown up, undying hatred of him as a human being that's been festering for a decade, and he probably wouldn't know my name if he saw me again. And for all I know, his shove was an accident.

So I think it'd be pretty naive to assume that I'm an angel. There may in fact someone, maybe many, who gets angry when they think of me because of some slight I did unknowingly, or knowingly.

Have you ever wondered if you're someone's bully?

[CellarDweller]

I don't think I've been a bully, however, I have wondered over the years if I ever did anything that hurt someone.

[happyschizoid]

I can usually overlook things that come from someone expressing how they feel no matter how ignorant or stupid those feelings or ideas are. Physical actions are a different matter and I always hate to see it or be the victim of it. I didn't suffer much from being bullied but the times I did I just felt that the bully was going to have a shitty life and probably amount to nothing. The kind of person who looks in the mirror and doesn't like what they see but can't admit it to themselves. You know the type, getting fired from jobs and maybe ending up doing a little jail time.

Like you I thought I was a decent person and treated people the way they should be treated. What really helped with the times I feel I wronged someone was I felt like shit and didn't like myself very much...... Guilt is a great motivator.

My pet peave is people who intentionally try to annoy others. I don't consider it bullying but it falls into the same realm and I don't understand what they get out of it. Do they find it funny, or maybe it makes them feel powerful? It's one thing to annoy a friend when you both find it funny but to do it just for the sake of being a pain in the ass, I just don't get it.

[ChadCoxRox]

I tried to start a thread discussion on homophobia once by admitting and exploring the process of overcoming my own fear and hatred of homosexuality and every single dude in the joint got pissed and outraged that I'd admit such a thing!

Needless to say, I don't participate much there anymore. Assholes.

[Wade]

It's always a bummer when people get shut down for being honest. It puts a stop to a lot of great discussions that could help both parties understand one another.

Reminds me of this:


Cuban shouldn't have gotten in trouble for being honest about his feelings. Shutting him up doesn't solve his prejudices. We do love to sweep anything that makes us uncomfortable under the rug.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this thread, CCRox, if you choose to give it another go. If not, I understand.

[ChadCoxRox]

For now, suffice it to say that as a mature, grateful recovering drug and alcohol abuser and a happy gay man in a monogamous relationship for the past 8 years I was once a very homophobic person with untold and despicable ways. In 1978 I'd lure and desecrate for the eroticism and the violence. My love for firearms and weaponry has come in handy for the old, evil me and the healed sportsman I've become. In the process of healing I learned quite clearly how my hatred and fear were the best defense for denial of sexuality. And I also learned that religion can be a stronger force of destruction than any firearm.

[East]

I don't like to admit this because it is ugly but I definitely was an ass to some people when I bartended......if I put it on a scale it was just a fraction...under 1%...but I could be a real bastard to that 1%. The ones I f*cked with usually reminded me of my dad.... or Ronald Reagan.

I did some bad stuff but it wasn't really an everyday thing...it was usually based on the individual. I am not sure if it would qualify as a bully but I had fun at other people's expense and told myself that they deserved it.....

I had one problem...when I could see the guy had no clue I felt really bad even though they didn't know what I did or said so I would make it up to them and that was usually difficult...and that is what cured me eventually...

It isn't easy to come to terms with those parts of ourselves but it is a lot better to own it...we all have flaws.....

[TwisttheLeaf]

I don't think I've been a bully, however, I have wondered over the years if I ever did anything that hurt someone.

I've wondered (and worried about) this as well.

That said? I'm a customer service/technical support/telemarketer bully. I admit this. I don't like being harassed by sales techniques and I have absolutely NO tolerance for people working in a field where they're supposed to know what they're doing and yet I (as someone not trained and/or educated in the field) know more than them. Especially if they are clumsily trying to 'cover up' their incompetence with blather and bullshit.

[Bhp91126]

I'm pretty sure some guys might feel slighted by me, because I never reacted to their flirting in bars or clubs, when I was younger. Second hand I heard a couple of stories how people thought I was rude and stuck-up. However I never ignored any flirtation, the message just never arrived in my brain and I was completely oblivious.

I know I annoyed a couple of girls in my teenage years, even though my being obnoxious with them was my (stupid) way to show that I liked them. I was sure they could take it and I tried to be funny.

[David3K]

I was a total bully back in middle and high school, I regret those days and I'd like to think I act quite the opposite nowadays (defending the weak).