My BF Deleted My Account

[EvenOlderButWiser]

back.

You have 3 months to sort this out, if you don't then you may regret things further down the line.

Personally I'm 10 years older than my SO and would never Dereham of doing such a thing. We would talk about it if needed, but to just do it. Wow....

Good luck,
ObW
X

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I approve of his motivations, I am not as approving of his methods.

I seriously doubt he is a control freak.

I can't possibly cover every aspect of potential here. However I have enough psychology study under my belt to know that even if I attempted to convey some things I would end up doing more harm than good.

My gut is telling me you two are as near a perfect match as a couple can be. your personalities are most likely complementary, which means that your relationship has a lot of potential to being one of those relationships that most people would kill for.

Yes I know, everyone else is going to think the old elf has gone daft, clearly this unprecedented attack on the personal freedom of ones partner can't be good.

However as the story has been laid out, I see a lot of the potential undercurrents that are taking place, and since humans just love to make everything as complex as they possibly can, the real underlying issues here are being muddied.

I usually tell people I strongly recommend them to get a couples therapist.

However in this case I cannot possibly stress how strongly this recommendation is for this particular couple. I would make demands if I knew my demanding would convey the strength of my suggestion.

And, its not because of the minor negatives of this situation, it is because I see a huge mountain of positives in this situation.

It is not my intent to be cryptic, its my attempt to get you to seek out the right help without my blundering and causing more harm.

[Bhp91126]

Thanks for all the supportive input --- and yes, I'm sure he deleted the account, he admitted it.

DTMFA -- yeah, I know the translation lol, but I haven't quite reached that point...yet. But that being said, I think this seemed so huge because it was something like close to the final straw --- at any rate, he's agreed for us to see a therapist together. He seemed honestly shocked at my reaction. I know he thinks that a trained professional will show me the error of my ways, but I think he may be in for a bit of a surprise.

It is very good that you are starting to assert yourself and I hope you can get it through his head that you are an independent adult capable of making your own choices. The fact that he deleted your profile despite of your discussions is a red flag, that you must not drop discussing with him and need to get a resolution on. Only an apology and a promise not to repeat this kind of behavior should do.

If he shows these kinds of controlling behaviors in other aspects of your life as well, which you probably would have noticed over the past 6 years, then I'd think long and hard about that August event.

[CellarDweller]

Good to have you back!

You need to have a talk with your boyfriend. If any boyfriend of mine did that to me, there would be major issues.

[Camfer]

Marrying him in August? Postpone it. You have boundaries you have to establish first prior to marriage.

Your fiance' has no right to delete your account on an innocuous site such as this. If he doesn't like you being on this site, fine, he can state that. He could even go so far as to ask you to delete your account. He has no standing to delete it for you. You're an adult and can make your own decisions, taking your partner's wishes into account. You are not being unreasonable if you choose to join a social site despite your partner's protestations.

His actions should be a huge red flag to you. He actually believes that you have faulty judgement, but it is so apparent the poor judgment is his own, as demonstrated by his actions. Frankly, your partner sounds immature, fearful, arrogant, and controlling. These are not traits I'd want in a partner, but that's your choice.

There's no rush to get married. I urge you to start setting your boundaries with him and start having a lot of dialogue around his issues. If he can't let go of running your life and cannot approach your relationship as 100% equals, then you have to decide if you're willing to enter into some kind of dom/sub relationship with him. Some people want that. Doesn't sound like you do.

[East]

Welcome Back!

I have two initial thoughts

The first...you mention you had a stalker. That can be frightening...for you...and for him. Since it happened on a message board...it could be an initial knee jerk reaction and if I am going to give him the benefit of the doubt...I will assume the intention was him being protective versus controlling. Of course I don't know the dynamics enough so I will assume the best....

The second...deleting your account under any circumstances is crossing a line that shouldn't be crossed. He should have voiced his concerns and you guys have a conversation about it but taking the action he did is indefensible. He needs to understand that.