I feel like I betrayed a guy I'm dating with

[Anonymous]

I met a guy about two weeks ago and since then we spent every day talking for many hours on skype. We haven't met yet because he lives in another country but we're going to do it soon. He trusted me telling some secrets from him past that no one knows apart from me and I told everything to my parents and some best friends. Later he underlined that he hopes that I didn't tell negative things about him to anyone. I lied that no but now I feel like I betrayed him. On the other hand I feel like we know each other not so long and just wanted to discuss everything with my closests. What do you think should I do now? I feel like I already betrayed him

[saif1232]

Tell him the truth :o, one thing Ive learnt is honesty is one of the primary keys to a successful long term relationship, ESPECIALLY if it is online since it's more based on trust.

[50Plus]

Better be chatting about all that has gone on.

One thing about the truth - it has a way of leaking out. You have told others. If the relationship grows, your friend will meet the others in your life. Eventually the others in your life will talk about the stories you have shared.

[Virge]

Explain that you only talked to people you trust and .......THEN........ get him to talk about the people (other than you) that he trusts.... and keep him on that subject until he forgets that you told other people anything.

(I use this strategy with the jerk...umm sweet guy I'm going to be marrying soon. It works every time.)

[Anonymous]

The problem is that he does not trust other people. I'm the first person he told his secrets. Even his ex with whom he has been for a few years didn't know. I know him just for a few weeks and I know I betrayed his trust but I feel more secure when I can discuss it with my friends...

[Virge]

then keep your mouth shut until the two of you reach a 'place" where you can tell him what you did.

[Wolfpack]

I agree with memechose , this may your best course of action. Hopefully you have learned a lesson, you should not have betrayed his trust to start with.

[TwisttheLeaf]

I've been in an online relatinoship with my partner Gideon for over six years now. NONE of it would have worked if we hid things from each other or were dishonest.

OMISSION is DISHONESTY

Your online friend sounds like he is very, very keen on the honesty factor. Keeping from him what you did will not get better by waiting, if this is the case. I am one of those people who am very keen on the honesty factor and I can assure you, the longer the wait between fessing up? The more betrayed I'd feel.

So.... my suggestion is to sit down with him. Tell that he means a lot to you and you care about him so much. That you messed up with something, and that you feel horrible about it. That you told someone his secrets. Someone in your life tha tyou trust. Because they were weighing heavily on your mind.

BE HONEST. Apologize sincerely for what you've done.

Honesty is scary. Hell, it can be terrifying. That doesn't make it the wrong answer.

[MikeW]

One of the things I love about forums: Ask for an opinion and that's what you get, opinions--and often they're diametrically opposed. Personally, I'm not a very good lier so I'm forced to be truthful *most* of the time by default. Some truths, though, need not be told; it depends on the situation and the people involved.

I don't think feeling guilty about it is particularly helpful. You shared information with trusted friends to help you deal with it, friends who do not know this person and may never meet him (who knows). Now you need to decide how you need to deal with it based on who you are and the developing relationship. Other opinions can be helpful but, as you see, they're never going to be unanimous. (Personally, I'd be even more skeptical if they were!) Good luck.

[East]

I would tell him the truth if you plan on developing a friendship...it is always the best policy IMO...he either understands and forgives you...or he doesn't.

My filter doesn't work real good and when it does I have to concentrate hard and think about what I am going to say...so I would probably blurt it out at any time if I felt guilty about it and then regret that I didn't say it sooner.