Only Lads

[Anonymous]

Is Only Lads a trustworthy website to find guys for lifelong relationship?
I'm not into hookups but rather a lifelong relationship. 2 guys have expressed interest to meet me up in that website. This will be my first time meeting a guy for a date. I just feel kind of anxious and scared to meet them up.

Any advice guys?

[MikeW]

I'm not familiar with that web site. But I think the general rule of thumb is you meet someone first for in a public setting like a coffee house, pub or restaurant. That way you can get a 'feel' for the guy. Tell a friend where you're going and when you should be back. If you're afraid you may need an 'exit strategy', pre-arrange for the friend to call you at a certain time. This can be used as an excuse if you want to bail out in the middle of it. But also consider that if the other guy is as 'new to this' as yo are, he's probably feeling equally anxious about meeting you.

[Wolfpack]

From what I have seen most on the site are after hook-ups and NSA, but you may have found that diamond in the rough that you seek. You will never know unless you take a change and try.

[Borg69]

Why is it guys think those apps/sites are mail order bride catalogs where you place an order, and magically get your request in 30 minutes or less like a pizza? You have an opportunity to MEET guy's. You still have to put the time in talking to them, dating them, getting to know them, asking questions...

There are no short cuts to finding your Mr. Right. He's out there... hiding in all the liars, cheaters, players, jerks, users, and psycho's. He might be the first one, he might be the 40th one.

Do you feel lucky?

[Wolfpack]

Why is it guys think those apps/sites are mail order bride catalogs where you place an order, and magically get your request in 30 minutes or less like a pizza? You have an opportunity to MEET guy's. You still have to put the time in talking to them, dating them, getting to know them, asking questions...

There are no short cuts to finding your Mr. Right. He's out there... hiding in all the liars, cheaters, players, jerks, users, and psycho's. He might be the first one, he might be the 40th one.

Do you feel lucky?

That is it Borg69 the answer we all need," Gay man mail order catalogue "
Wow what a sweet idea , it would be like waiting for something to arrive by post from EBay, but soooooooo much better. :p

[Anonymous]

Why is it guys think those apps/sites are mail order bride catalogs where you place an order, and magically get your request in 30 minutes or less like a pizza? You have an opportunity to MEET guy's. You still have to put the time in talking to them, dating them, getting to know them, asking questions...

There are no short cuts to finding your Mr. Right. He's out there... hiding in all the liars, cheaters, players, jerks, users, and psycho's. He might be the first one, he might be the 40th one.

Do you feel lucky?

Yup hopefully he might be the first, second or third(no more than that I hope). Cos I'm quite an emotional person and each time I am rejected, a part of my heart and soul is lost......

[bluedragon]

That is it Borg69 the answer we all need," Gay man mail order catalogue "
Wow what a sweet idea , it would be like waiting for something to arrive by post from EBay, but soooooooo much better. :p

Yea, wouldn't life be much easier that way?

[MikeW]

Yup hopefully he might be the first, second or third(no more than that I hope). Cos I'm quite an emotional person and each time I am rejected, a part of my heart and soul is lost......

That's not at all a healthy way to look at or think about it. If you do, you're going to cause yourself a lot of unnecessary pain and hurt.

I understand (believe me I do!) that many of us feel "hurt" and "rejected" when our desires of the flesh and heart aren't reciprocated from guys we're horny for and/or interested in romantically. But we *really* need to think bout this very carefully.

For example, if you're not attracted to someone (looks, personality or whatever), is this *really* a "rejection" of them? And is it more specifically a "rejection" of their essence, their "heart and soul" as you put it? Hopefully you'll agree that it is not. How you feel about someone else says more about YOU than it does *them,* right? After all you attractions are subjective, not objective, right?

Same is true the other way around. When someone doesn't find you attractive or isn't interested in taking something further, this is a statement of their truth and doesn't really say much about you, either your personality or your heart and soul.

Don't get me wrong, believe me I know how much it can hurt to have feelings for someone that aren't reciprocated. Many of us want, perhaps even need, to find a balanced relationship where the desire to be together is mutual. But if we find ourselves in a situation where we want something more than someone else, is this truly "rejection"?

I take a different approach: I want and need clarity in a relationship. If someone else doesn't find me attractive or isn't interested in spending time with me, that doesn't say anything about me, about my worth, about my essence or "heart and soul." All it says is, the other guy doesn't want the same thing I do. Yes, I can feel a bit hurt by that, "disappointed" is probably the right word. I'm not getting what I want and that is disappointing. BUT, it isn't all about "me". It certainly doesn't say anything about my worth as a human being.

When I find myself "wanting" something I can't have because another guy doesn't want the same things I do, I need to try and *not* let that become a statement about myself. Now it may very well be that this is a learning opportunity for me. It may be that I have to look at myself and question what it is that the other guy finds unattractive. It may be I have things to learn about being a better person or better lover or whatever. BUT, again, I need to balance that with my own sense of self-worth, my own knowledge and acceptance of myself as I am.

Does that make sense? For example, I'm now pushing 70. I may very well find all kinds of guys attractive that wouldn't give me a second glance. Should I take that as "rejection," that I am fundamentally "wrong" for being old and unattractive to the vast majority of gay men around me? Well, I'd be in a sorry state if I did! No, its just a fact and that fact doesn't say anything about me, really. Yes, I'm old, wrinkled, age spots, funky eyebrows, bald, a bit over weight… etc. Some of these things I may be able to improve to become more attractive but the reality is some things I can't change… nor do I need to! It is what it is and the last thing I want is to be in a situation where I'm trying to get someone to want me when they don't! I can't imagine anything more frustrating and debilitating, not to mention painful. So, I don't go there. I just accept the fact that *most* (not all) other men aren't going to be attracted to me for *whatever* reason… and those reasons are *theirs* and they are entitled to them (just as I'm entitled to mine).

I hope this helps. I guess it just bothers me when I see guys setting themselves up for more hurt than necessary. Life is painful a lot of the time for a lot of reasons. It can also be joyful and fun a lot of the time for a lot of reasons. Finding a balance where you know you are OK as you are, as is everyone else (more or less), makes for a far happier and satisfied life.

You can and will find someone who wants you as much as you want them. It may take time, perhaps years, but that shouldn't matter. As has been said on this and many other forums repeatedly, the one person you're going to spend the rest of your life with is YOU. No one else is going to share that life with you if you don't enjoy sharing it with yourself.

[David3K]

^ wow thats a long replay.

[Anonymous]

That's not at all a healthy way to look at or think about it. If you do, you're going to cause yourself a lot of unnecessary pain and hurt.

I understand (believe me I do!) that many of us feel "hurt" and "rejected" when our desires of the flesh and heart aren't reciprocated from guys we're horny for and/or interested in romantically. But we *really* need to think bout this very carefully.

For example, if you're not attracted to someone (looks, personality or whatever), is this *really* a "rejection" of them? And is it more specifically a "rejection" of their essence, their "heart and soul" as you put it? Hopefully you'll agree that it is not. How you feel about someone else says more about YOU than it does *them,* right? After all you attractions are subjective, not objective, right?

Same is true the other way around. When someone doesn't find you attractive or isn't interested in taking something further, this is a statement of their truth and doesn't really say much about you, either your personality or your heart and soul.

Don't get me wrong, believe me I know how much it can hurt to have feelings for someone that aren't reciprocated. Many of us want, perhaps even need, to find a balanced relationship where the desire to be together is mutual. But if we find ourselves in a situation where we want something more than someone else, is this truly "rejection"?

I take a different approach: I want and need clarity in a relationship. If someone else doesn't find me attractive or isn't interested in spending time with me, that doesn't say anything about me, about my worth, about my essence or "heart and soul." All it says is, the other guy doesn't want the same thing I do. Yes, I can feel a bit hurt by that, "disappointed" is probably the right word. I'm not getting what I want and that is disappointing. BUT, it isn't all about "me". It certainly doesn't say anything about my worth as a human being.

When I find myself "wanting" something I can't have because another guy doesn't want the same things I do, I need to try and *not* let that become a statement about myself. Now it may very well be that this is a learning opportunity for me. It may be that I have to look at myself and question what it is that the other guy finds unattractive. It may be I have things to learn about being a better person or better lover or whatever. BUT, again, I need to balance that with my own sense of self-worth, my own knowledge and acceptance of myself as I am.

Does that make sense? For example, I'm now pushing 70. I may very well find all kinds of guys attractive that wouldn't give me a second glance. Should I take that as "rejection," that I am fundamentally "wrong" for being old and unattractive to the vast majority of gay men around me? Well, I'd be in a sorry state if I did! No, its just a fact and that fact doesn't say anything about me, really. Yes, I'm old, wrinkled, age spots, funky eyebrows, bald, a bit over weight… etc. Some of these things I may be able to improve to become more attractive but the reality is some things I can't change… nor do I need to! It is what it is and the last thing I want is to be in a situation where I'm trying to get someone to want me when they don't! I can't imagine anything more frustrating and debilitating, not to mention painful. So, I don't go there. I just accept the fact that *most* (not all) other men aren't going to be attracted to me for *whatever* reason… and those reasons are *theirs* and they are entitled to them (just as I'm entitled to mine).

I hope this helps. I guess it just bothers me when I see guys setting themselves up for more hurt than necessary. Life is painful a lot of the time for a lot of reasons. It can also be joyful and fun a lot of the time for a lot of reasons. Finding a balance where you know you are OK as you are, as is everyone else (more or less), makes for a far happier and satisfied life.

You can and will find someone who wants you as much as you want them. It may take time, perhaps years, but that shouldn't matter. As has been said on this and many other forums repeatedly, the one person you're going to spend the rest of your life with is YOU. No one else is going to share that life with you if you don't enjoy sharing it with yourself.

Thnks for your advice MikeW sir. It has broadened my thinking and now I think I am able to accept rejection if I face one. I guess I was thinking childishly all this while. Haha. Thnk you once again.