Can I really be a top?

[Anonymous]

1. I'm submissive by nature. I've only had 1 sexual experience (the others were quickies),and because of my inexperience,I had to be directed and asked by my partner almost all the time. I like that,but there's some part of me that fantasize being in control a lil bit,but as of now,I'd say I'm 100% submissive,hopefully in the future it will change for my fantasy sake. And I know submissive doesn't equal bottoming,but it's the easiest position to be,and I believe that most,not all, submissive guys are bottom.

2. I also don't like rimming,and I know this cause I never find it arousing in porn. Receiving is okay,but giving it,the thought of it grossed me out. Fingering on the other hand is still okay.

3. One last thing is,my dick size is around 4 inch when erected. I know size doesn't matter,skill that matters,but obviously I have no skill since I'm anally virgin! I've come to term with my size,no use obsessing over thing I couldn't change,but in promiscuous scene,seems like every bottom are looking for top with big tool. And I'm not interested in relationship yet as I want to experiment more with my sexuality.

So based on the 3 informations I gave above,can I really be a top? More like,what kind of partner should I find to become one?

[Undreamt]

I have a friend who is a dominant bottom, so yes you can be a submissive top if you wanted to be

[David3K]

To me all you say sound like you would make a perfect bottom. And for these nights when you want to be "in control" you just turn into a power bottom! - But really, you just have to experiment and find out what you like best.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who is a dominant bottom, so yes you can be a submissive top if you wanted to be

Yeah,I'm aware of this too. Maybe I should put in my online profile: looking for dominant bottom.

To me all you say sound like you would make a perfect bottom. And for these nights when you want to be "in control" you just turn into a power bottom! - But really, you just have to experiment and find out what you like best.

I thought so too,lol. All my criteria is pointing towards bottoming,which I'm not even sure if I'd like it and can do it,yet I don't wanna miss the pleasure of topping,of course more experiment is needed.

[TwisttheLeaf]

1) Just because you have a submissive personality doesn't mean you can't top. It means you need to either find someone who enjoys being topped, or who usually tops but can also enjoy you topping them. From experience, I can tell you that I've topped my -very- dominant partner as an equal in dominance (at the time), as well as, at other times, as a submissive. It's an entirely different dynamic of energy from one to the other, but both are absolutely possible.

2) Rimming is not a requirement of topping. There's plenty of other things you can do, and use, to work your partner up without ever putting your mouth there.

3) All you got to do to make it good is hit the prostate, man. It's about 2 inches in. Might take some practice to get it (angle is important) but you have enough to reach as long as your partner doesn't have great big ass cheeks. Even then, spread them wide enough and you should be fine. And you'll definitely know it when you find it by your partners reaction. Do a little Google research on prostate stimulation may be helpful.

Although you sound like you're suited to bottoming, there's nothing wrong with wanting to experiment (and develop new skills, yeah?)

Have fun!

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Submissive and Dominant roles are not exclusively bottom and Top roles.

I was exclusively a submissive top with #5 who ordered me around and was aggressive, but totally a bottom. I liked it.

But then I am submissive by nature, I like being told what to do, where to go, how to get there, etc. I serve to live, live to serve... yada yada yada.

Bottoming is NOT the easiest position to be. Especially if you have the guy tied down to the bed and have to ride him... it gets the knees... Thus a bench press bench comes in handy for more than just lifting weights .

You're inexperienced - clearly, or you would know that both bottoms and tops put a lot of work into their respective duties in the bedroom.

As for rimming - two words:

Dental Dam

For every problem there is a solution... you just haven't thought it all the way through.

[Samdabisa]

Find what works for you. It wasn't until I was more experienced that I truly knew that I like to top but love to swap oral but not rimming. I can be more submissive, but can take charge in my own subtle ways. I've had a bottom that was dominant and rode me hard several times.

Just get comfortable and figer out what you like.

[Anonymous]

Hi,thanks everybody for the reply. I love what you say TwisttheLeaf!

Yes Bowyn,I'm that inexperienced,I just realized there's some position that's really hard to do without some training beforehand. Dental dam while rimming? That's like asking a guy to wear condom for blow job,nobody does that,mostly...

Thanks Samdabisa for sharing your experience,sounds promising for me as submissive guy.

So I had 3 more encounters,and now I have the chance to experiment being a bottom,top,and versatile.

Being a bottom,it was nice being dominated by a guy,and thanks god it didn't hurt at all for my first time,and he was 6 inch. Good thing I didn't ask his size,or else I'd be too nervous to bottom.

However being a top,well,I didn't get to top actually since I couldn't get hard cause the guy was also submissive and I didn't like being pressured to get hard. It seems like I have to look for dominant bottom after all.

Being a vers,I'm gonna experiment it tomorrow,but we had sex already (no anal sex) and he was at the right level of being dominant and submissive,with a bit more dominant than me,so I had a great time before,looking forward to this time to do anal with him.

All in all,I still prefer being dominated,but as for the role,I have to experiment more,but I'm kind of glad that my first time bottoming was pleasant and enjoyable and I can look forward to the next time.

[Gideon]

*Getting the terminology straight in my head before answering this, as "top and bottom" to me mean something different*

Twist is right in that you don't have to be submissive to be bottom(of course he is, he's mine. heh) or dominant to be on top. I'm naturally dominant and usually top but I'm also secure enough in my dominance, in who I am, to be able to give my partner -everything- he needs even if that means giving up top(or topspace) to him for a time.

And trust me, man. You can be submissive, you can be -dominated- while being on top....sometimes it causes even more extreme reactions to that submission in that position than being on bottom.

As for the rest? You don't have to do anything you don't want to do or aren't comfortable with...that's what limits are for.

Relax, experiment with it...have fun and enjoy yourself.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the input Gideon! I really hope I could find a dominant partner like you,who's comfortable enough with being dominant that he can give up being top sometimes.

There's something I realized from your words. It wasn't being bottomed that gave me great pleasure and turn me on the most,it was me being dominated by other guy. The thought that he can do what he want with my body with little direction from me turns me on. Whether I get fucked,or he gets fucked,or we don't do anal at all,that doesn't really matter to me. Of course I still get pleasure from bottoming,but it was mostly because he was so dominant that I just want to give my hole to him. Okay,TMI maybe,but I'm in anon mode,so.. :biggrin: