Strong Friendship--now what?

[Grant]

I met a guy several months back and we've been communicating back and forth. I'm 95% certain that he likes me, but he's several states away and will probably be moving in the next 6-8 months (I don't know where to).

So...how do I keep the interest up until things are more settled for him? We've been chatting through email and facebook, and all of my friends just keep saying "keep the lines of communication open" which makes total sense but doesn't help me any. I don't want to have 'the talk' just yet--I think it's too early in the process with too much physical distance between us. I think a declaration of undying love is a bit too strong just yet.

How have you guys kept others interested when there's a distance between you? Or, does anyone just have any general advice about taking a friendship to the next level?

[King]

About the best piece of advice I have for you is to do exactly what you suggested in your post -- keep the lines of communication open. Also, don't let communication die. Good idea to try to have a text conversation at least like one or two times a month if you either of your lives get very busy (new job, moving, busy season at work, whatever).

As for your second question, I wish I knew how to take friendship to the next level. Usually if the one person decides he wants to only be your friend, that's usually how it will stay. I'm in this situation now. I very much like another man and we took things too slowly. Did very little sexually (only made out once) over a period of many weeks, and then weeks turned into months (mostly because he was out of the area so much). Today we are still just friends even though I am very very attracted to him. Plus he knows it haha (because I joke about it so much -- that's just who I am). PERHAPS if you play hard to get that could build attraction, but it's hard to do when you enjoy talking to him in the first place. Does anyone have any perspective to offer on this?

[bilkiba]

My first question is, how many months is several months? My current girlfriend and I had a talk about having feelings for one another after 2 months (ours is long distance, as well). We didn't get together then, but we both admitted interest and that being together was a potential option in the future. It worked out fine for us when we did decide to be together.

So my advice is, show some interest, but don't go over the top. Maybe let him know you have some feelings that way, even if you don't make it seem like a big deal. Other than that, I think all you can do is keep the communication lines open.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Sorry, I fail to do the chasing in such situations...

I'm the sort that waits patiently for a guy to email me, then I reply. I rarely if every pursue.... This is a bad thing.

THAT is due to self esteem issues and being slapped one too many times hard enough to leave brain damage (literally, I have the MRI's to prove that). So while I may be interesting in moving to say Kansas to be with a fella, I have no idea how to express that in a healthy manner that doesn't open the door to my being slapped hard one more time.

In healthy people I understand that the next logical step is to express an interest, a 'I would like to know how you feel about _______________(fill in the blank)'.

At that point you would express an interest in potentially taking friendship to something more romantic/lovers based.

How you couch that question depends on you, your needs and what you know of the other person. That is where this gets tricky.

Yes there is the potential for rejection and that can stymie any progress here.

Another aspect here is how you meet and how much face to face time you had.

For instance lets say I met a guy from Kansas online - the whole Idea of just dropping my life here in California and running off to so many unknowns is a terrifying idea. While I have seen pictures and enjoy his words - pictures and words are not totally the real deal.

If you are in that sort of situation, perhaps suggesting meet and greet is the way to go first.

Yes that part is daunting as well, especially if you are a wood elf - we elves are notoriously poverty stricken (humans keep us down).

You can try a letter - run your Document creator software and write a letter expressing whatever it is you want to say. SAVE it, and wait a couple days or a week, open it up and read what you wrote.

After a couple days or a week you get a fresh perspective on the whole letter and can better see if if you are expressing yourself effectively.

The downside to that is you could be a writer who never publishes simply because you re-write and re-write and re-write again... It is frustrating. I for one have 4 books that will never be published, which I continually rewrite all the time. I won't talk about the dozen or so letters I never sent simply because I gave up in a fit of rage/frustration.

This moving thing he is doing. Why is he moving, and where is he going?

This is important to know because it can give solid clues as to where his head is. And it may or may not play in your favor.

So it may be a good idea to ask him WHY he is moving and WHERE he is going. If he is moving to Africa to be a Bush Doctor do you really want to go to Africa? Understand I just watched a 1.5 hour documentary on African Pottery making and I for one would love to go and get my hands on some clay and be taught this most fascinating method of making pottery.

That may not be your cup of tea....

So you need more information here before you can actually sit down and write that letter.

Long Distance Relationships only work best if there is an expiration date to the long distance part. Having a clear indicator of 'this is only for X amount of time' tends to work in favor of long term relationship.

So who moves to whom? Who gives up there life in their little world to go to a new alien world where they have to learn all brand new customs and new language (What language do they speak in Kansas? Do they accept and tolerate elves? :p)

That needs to be considered as well.

Are you willing/able to give up your life in City/Town (USA)? If so you might want to mention that so he doesn't think he has to give up his life.

[Borg69]

I need more info... Where did you meet him? How long did you know him in person? Are you planning on moving where ever he ends up? Is this one of those long distant on line crushes ?

[Grant]

Well, we've known of each other for a long time (several years) through mutual friends but we had never been formally introduced until late March. He's moving (and possibly to my area) because he has finished his education and is looking for work--my state happens to be one of the stronger states for his field.

We've been communicating for some time now, and I think he's interested, but there's been no specific thing that tells me that it's just an add up of multiple things. I've asked everyone I know about this and over and over again they come to the same conclusion--even my friend who rolls his eyes at everything and assumes everyone is just seeing what they want to see.

We've been friends on facebook since March and he and I have been somewhat active there, but I don't know that he's been anymore active than any other friend. However, it occurs to me that he really doesn't know me that well so why be so active. But I can only post so much on Facebook hoping that something will catch his eye. He posts some, but I'm nervous about liking everything. I don't want to play games, but I'm not sure if this is just normal.

I'm being patient, and I hope that if he moves nearby I can make this move a bit more quickly.