To Satya who will become Cynthia

[Jake]

This post is not really a request for advice, but more a statement that I want to make to my good friend Satya who have been reading many of my posts here in GS and elsewhere where I'm active. I never change my name from one forum to another. Last week Satya has had the courage to tell me something that even after 10 years of knowing him, he never had the guts to tell me. But last week, while we were celebrating Canada day he came to me and Alex and announced that he wanted to become a woman. My first reaction was to laugh, I thought he was joking, because Satya is so not woman like, at least I thought. But I have learned that he was also a drag queen. Now I didn't mind much the drag queen because him and I love to dress up and every Halloween parties I would myself dress up as a girl (and yes I make a beautiful drag queen LOL, but this is not my lifestyle).

Satya is 32 years old, he's a mix of Latino and Anglo Saxon, quite a beautiful man if you ask me. And of course he's gay (not that all transgender are gay; male or female) but I'd say that most are indeed homosexual. I have met Satya a bit before Alex, we never had an history together, he's my type of dude but I wasn't his, so we settled for friendship and for the last 10 years we have been very good friends.

I've got to say here that after Satya announced that he wanted to become a woman and that he was also performing drag queen shows, after he confirmed to me that it wasn't a joke, that he already had started seeing shrinks and doctors and planning the financial for the transition, I was a bit mad afterward, because we have been friends for so many years, we have done quite a lot of activities together, travel, parties, I even was his boss when he got let go from his job few years ago. So I was a bit hurt that he did not trust me to share this little secret of his, because if there's somebody who knows me well after Alex, it's definitely him. Even my parents and siblings doesn't know me as much as those two.

Satya explained to me that he has been gender confused since he was quite young, first it was quite enough being bullied and kicked out of from home when he was 16 after he came out to its parents, and he has lost many friends again because he was gay. He wasn't sure he could bear to lose more friends because he was gender confused. The other reason why he never wanted to tell me upfront that he was gender confused was mostly related to my attitude toward the nature of things, I am an advocate when it comes with people changing the nature of things, he was scared that I would immediately reject him because, I did say once that although I understand that being gay was natural, I had quite a lot of difficulties understanding a man or woman wanting to change sex. Even today I still have some issue understanding such behaviors, but I refuse to judge them until I have talked with one and have a real glimpse at what could make them ever want to modify their natural self.

I remember how it was for me when I finally came out of the closet, although I was in the porn business wy before I officially came out. And even more judgement when they found out that I used to perform gay porn. I had many of those:

For the gay part:

• Black men aren't gay;
  
• You'll go straight to hell;
  
• You haven't met the right girl;
  
• What will you explain to your kids;
  
• Might be because you were adopted, you're parents divorced when you were very young and you've been psychologically affected;
  
• And the best but not least, because I'm part Latino, I have heard the worse, too many people believe that Latinos are all bisexual so I was told that the part in me that is Latino is the reason why I'm gay.
  

For the porn part:

• I was told that I took the easy way instead of looking for a real job;
  
• I was sexually unstable;
  
• I was putting my life in danger by fucking around with so many people.
  

So you understand that in the judgement department I have had my share so I certainly didn't want to do the same to my best buddy. So since Canada day, Satya has been staying with us because he took a 2 week vacations from its job and I offered him to stay with us, so I can see how I can help him achieve its dream of becoming a woman and at the same time explain to me how it works, and plan the whole thing. The last thing I want for my friend is to believe that I will stop liking him or knowing him because he wants to do something that will make him joyful.

We have settled that I will also accompaign him to the shrink so I can understand why he wants to be a woman.

Satya, you have read many of my posts, I didn't want to post anonymously, first because I am not the type of hiding myself that way. Just know that you have my full support, and I mean I'll even help financially if necessary. Alex is also in. We're not going to let you go depressive for something that is natural to you. However, buddy you do understand that I am going to ask you so many question, because now it's not some news I'm reading from some forum or some dude on a forum saying that they want to become a woman. You are the brother I never had (well I had some, they've died or we have been separated when I got adopted) and unlike some member of my family I do have the family bound and from a brother you'll be another sister and I couldn't be more proud of the courage you had to tell me and that for me proves that I'm your best friend and Satya I understand why you were scared. I would have been too if I were in your situation.

Love you sister Jake!

[cftxp]

I'm so glad you shared this Jake, even though it was intended for your friend. I don't think people hear enough about the struggle that trans* (apparently the asterisk is included) individuals go through, and so it's fantastic that you're being such a supportive friend, even though you may have your own possible misconceptions that at least you admit to.

In my opinion, it doesn't matter whether you're judged or not. What matters is that you stand in your own truth, accept who you are, and move on to do great things with your life. Wow, I can't imagine that I'm saying this - it's only been a week since I learned to accept that truth completely for myself (which has been exactly a year in the making). But that's just my piece of unnecessary advice (I doubt that wisdom's still unfounded).

Anyway, lots of hope for Cynthia. Good luck with your journey!

[CellarDweller]

Good luck to Cynthia.

May your transition be a wonderful growing/learning experience, I wish you happiness!