Is he into me?

[AbbyDude75]

Almost 40 here - been very in the closet most of my life. Last had a relationship with a guy over 10 years ago. It didn't end well - moved to another town - and have dated women off and on the last several years.

Finally thought to try something different - signed up on one of those dating sites; and last week met a very handsome man.

I am totally new to the whole dating a man (my last relationship with a guy was with a co-worker that started with a couple of drunken hook-ups that then progressed into a relationship). Now I have some baggage and insecurities - and it makes me second guess everything.

So - Mr. Handsome Man who I met last week - he has some baggage too (we all get it at our age); and some of it is definitely heavier than mine. (I think an important part of my question). He's been out for more than half his life.

So anyway - we have a ton of common interests, similar sense of humour; we've gotten together for a meal a couple of times - and we text a lot. But part of me wonders if he's into me - or if he sees me more as a potential friend?

So - really, how can I tell if this is a new relationship; or a new friendship?

In this man/man dating - what is the protocol?

[ExpatBrit77]

To be honest I'm not sure that the protocol, if one exists, is any different from straight dating.

what's the eye contact like? if he's holding your gaze for more than a few seconds that might indicate interest on his part (how long is considered "acceptable" will depend on culture though).
has there been any innuendo/verbal flirtation? that also could indicate interest on his part.

It sounds silly but if you're interested in him, pay him a compliment or two and see how he reacts.

Basically in my experience I've tended to find that if after, say, 2 or 3 dates/meetings, you haven't had a sign of romantic/sexual interest, then the likelihood is that it's friendship. my general rule of thumb is that if after three dates there isn't any interest, either in the form of flirting or something more concrete (i.e. a kiss at least) then I usually assume it's platonic until evidence to the contrary appears.

I will confess that I often get this completely wrong myself so I defer to any comments from the rest of the forum

[Virge]

I'm no expert on dating since technically I've only dated one and want to keep it that way... SO I can tell you what I did right was take it SLOW and play it COOL. ... and it wasn't easy. I was in love with him the first hour I met him ---- for days shy of my 21st birthday... and it took 18 months to convince him I wasn't an unstable kid who just loved to fuck. I've spilled my guts about it here a few times and if you want to go back through my history for comments about it and read between the lines you'll get the picture. Just don't spill your emotions too fast or too soon and concentrate on making every minute great.

[Borg69]

Don't get attached to the first gay man you meet on some hookup app. Especially when you've been starving yourself of any gay attention for years. The likelihood that he's going to be the one you end up with long term is pretty slim.

I can almost guarantee you that you're one of dozens he's chatting with, and he's keeping his options open as the Montana sky.

[TwisttheLeaf]

So - really, how can I tell if this is a new relationship; or a new friendship?

Ask? I'm serious, btw. I mean it doesn't have to be a blunt "so, what is this?" type question. But you need to bring up in discussion what you both are interested in pursuing and after... in life and with each other.

In this man/man dating - what is the protocol?

I've never been confronted with a protocol before. Find the things you both enjoy and do them together. Introduce him to some new experiences that may be common place to you, let him do the same for you. Have a good time.