They Don't Know He's Gay Yet

[nafalee]

My cousin came out to me a few days ago. Our families grew up in the same town and live very close to each other so I see him and his family on a regular basis-almost everyday. I had wondered in the past if he was gay but never really gave it much thought and figured if he was, great, if he wasn't, thats great too; his sexuality was really none of my business and I didn't want to pry. Just a few days ago I was the first person he came out to and I was happy that he trusted me; I'm really supportive of him and want to help him with coming out to everyone else when he feels he is ready and comfortable to do so in a few years. I know that when my family finds out, we will all be supportive and understanding after a bit of a surprise. The only thing I don't know how to handle is his family. My aunt, uncle, and other cousins (his siblings) are all homophobic-to a degree. His brothers and sister often make gay jokes and ask me "Is he gay," or "Is he 'talking' to someone and if it is a boy" and things of the like. I think they all know that he's gay on some level, but i'm not sure which of them would come to terms with it the best.
I am going to keep my cousin's sexuality a secret until he is ready to share it with his own family, but now that I know that he is indeed gay I don't know how to answer their jokes and questions. I know that its necessary, but I still don't like lying to them. Do I go ahead and tell them that he is straight and likes girls if they ask? Or should I be more vague? Or tell them to ask him themselves? I definitely do not want to accidentally out him to his family, but I don't know how to react to their jokes and questions. Please help.

[MikeW]

1) You might try asking your cousin how he'd like you to handle these situations.

2) You might try asking anyone who enquires about him: a) What business is it of yours? b) What differences would it make? c) Why is it important to you?

The bottom line is your gay cousin is the same person he was before he came out to you. Nothing has changed except he's told you something about himself that you didn't know before. He hasn't told others for the obvious reason he sees it isn't safe for him to do so without receiving their judgment and scorn. Who needs any of that crap from anyone, especially one's own family?

[Bowyn Aerrow]

1. He trusted you with this information. This means you should treat it as a secret.

2. He was most likely born gay. There are, however, a lot of pressures to be straight so it takes a bit of time for self to accept it, before telling others.

Yes his immediate family sounds like they will not be as accepting, thus keep it to yourself.

Lying, there is such a thing as the 'white lie' where the intent is to cause the least amount of harm.

I suggest using the white lie when dealing with his siblings/mom/dad until he is ready to confront them with this information.