Someone help please!

[Borg69]

He knows everything,

If I chose her she will never trust me again and it would be over so by this logic based on what I Have done I have to pick him....

I'm not saying this is your case, but often times people who consciously can't make a decision even if they know it's the right one will do actions that will bring about the outcome they desire to make it seem like an "Act of God" instead of a calculated thought in attempts of passing the blame. While not exactly the best route to take, it is quite human.

Perhaps you allowed your actions to take place knowing full well what the outcome was going to be?

[Virge]

jayjay I read your words once and thought about them for a bit... and had a coincidental reminder from from my room mate about how much more important what is not said is often when compared to what is said... So when I came back and read what you'd written a 2nd time my brain was tweeked to notice what wasn't said and it's all things most letters like yours include.

You didn't mention the gay porn you've been watching or how long you've been watching it.

You didn't mention what web site you met this guy on or how long the two of you were friendly there before having a real life meeting... or any other guys you may have met first.

I'm not trying to put you on the spot. You most likely didn't make these omissions deliberately and they're not really important other than they do help put things into a more complete context.

[Cuddly]

I like how you pick and choose as if they were veggies. They're not and both might reject you. What you need to do is look at yourself and your needs. Go with your gut, without letting it be influenced by norms. Oh and be safe. And welcome to GS.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

You made your bed and you will lay in it eventually.

Your choice is NOT her finding out... your choice is if she finds out by you in a nicer way, or if she finds out in some subtle way, or your leaving data around accidentally.

Its like this, everyone who cheats eventually fucks up and leaves evidence around which pisses the SO off far, far, far more than you just admitting you did something.

Of course she won't trust you. The whole monogamy thing is based on trust. Once a person breaks that (what may be a fundamental one at that) trust in a relationship the 'free trust boat' has set sail and will never return to that particular port.

What really annoys is now you are trying to play the victim here....

He knows everything,

If I chose her she will never trust me again and it would be over so by this logic based on what I Have done I have to pick him....

Cowards way is to make assumptions and apply bad logic to a situation that defys logic.

Look, you made choices (bad ones they may be), now you want to get out from paying the consequences for those choices. It doesn't work that way.

Let me tell you what will happen in HIS mind if you up and leave her.

He will always - ALWAYS wonder in the back of his mind when you are going to cheat on him and leave him for the other....

So there is a price to pay for your so called 'logical' choice....


What you fail to understand (in another area) here is that he is a new infatuation, a new toy and you are having new experiences which will only be new for the short term.

With her you have the same old stuff, day after day after day - you had your new infatuation phase with her. That part is over... now you have the other phases to love to face and go through, perhaps not as thrilling and exciting as your first go round, but rewarding in their own way.

I bet you had that real special toy you just had to have as a kid, you got it and played the hell out of it for a while. A few days, a couple weeks, maybe even a couple of months later that new toy lost its interest and it ended up in the closet (or under bed) with all of those other toys you once had a love affair with.

This is what is happening now, however the horror is you are not dealing with inanimate objects (Toy Story aside), you are dealing with living, breathing, feeling human beings and someone is going to get hurt - and that ain't just yourself.

3 years from now, should you up and leave the potential wife, you will have the exact same dull/boring feelings about him as you do about her.

If you are bisexual I'm pretty certain you will decide its now time to go back to women since guys just ain't doing it for ya no more.

Most guys who start off the way you are eventually play ping pong, going back and forth over the net until they are either too old to pick up new people, or they realize that one person is enough and love changes and all of the other secrets to life.

[Jayjay]

Hi chosememe,

I'll answer any questions and be honest because I need all of your help.

I started watched porn and it didn't do anything for me every guy just looked the same except skinny or muscly and it just seemed completely different to the real thing... , I watch a healthy amount of regular porn with no issue,

I met him on CL, I chatted to a lot of guys/freaks on there but we chatted for a couple of days, he had no interest in having sex just have a few drinks and see what happens, like I said he never pushed his agenda and by the end of our first encounter I hadn't even cum (nerves and ended up going numb, happens with girls too) but still left with a massive grin on my face!

Hope this helps..

[ETOTE]

btw, welcome to GS dude.

while some of the things we've said in this thread may seem a bit harsh, it's just a matter of honesty and reality to really try to help you realize things you may not have thought to consider.

We really do genuinely want to help you and hope you come clean to everyone about everything and make a good, clear decision for yourself above all else but secondly for her if you really do love her.

Also agree with Twist and want to echo that point, let her choose for herself, your only obligation is to be honest with her and apologize for not being honest before it got to this point.

[Anocxu]

This is an interesting thread. ...

Opening post was by a complete sociopath... the second post was really an extension of the first..but reinforced by a complete narcissist .... in between posts by a truly empathetic group struggling to convince the sociopath that his actions are just awful.

Opening poster.. bi guy...
You have absolutely no business making commitments ... your nature is selfishness in its purest form.

To the human being that told you..."No Regrets!"..
Did you notice he is 50 and single?

Complete lack of respect for loyalty,love and humanity...

It's like his girlfriend was a dirty napkin... WTF?

[excalibur77]

To be honest, setting all judgments aside, this is simply not something you can rush.

You ended up liking swinging the other way, but here you are telling us "regardless" of how you found the gay experience, you're still proposing to her shortly because at least then you'd know how you felt either way. Do you honestly think that's a good idea? The most logical path to take would be to take a break BOTH from your gf and the guy. Take some time to get to know yourself better. Don't rush into a decision that involves the rest of your life AND the feelings of other people.

You say you're "scared" because you don't want to lose the perfect girl and you don't want to let go of a guy who seems like a great match for you. That's all about you, though. What about the girl? What happens if you stay with her and you eventually cheat on her (not like you haven't already, hehe) because you realize later on in life you're simply not happy? That's going to take a huge toll on her (not to mention your future kids if it goes that far). What about the guy? Do you think it's fair that you're putting him in a rather messy situation? I realize he knows about the situation, but you're the catalyst in all of this.

[high5]

@Jayjay
Seriously, I can't believe you could do that to your girlfriend, that's as low as it gets.