Trying to be positive

[lauj]

I try really hard to look on the bright side of things. But lately I've been just down and out. I'm very stressed out and I don't know what it is. Maybe its everything, maybe its trying to be nice and positive all the time. There are times where I just want to scream at people for doing stupid stuff but I just hold it all in. I'm not really honest either, I'm afraid to say no and if I do say no, I feel like I have to make an excuse. I just can't be like "no I'm really tired". Its like I put everyone else's feelings before my own. There are times when I just want to lay in bed and not do anything for the day. Maybe I'm depressed, maybe its the fact that I'm trying so hard to please everyone else but myself and its finally taking its toll. I'm taking my day off to do something for myself but I don't know what to do. I hate doing things by myself and I get lonely quite easily and I don't want to get anyone else involved. I hate asking for help, no matter how much I'm struggling. I am a wild mess.

[BlueStar]

There's a huge difference between hating to do things by your own and trying to please everybody. You can share what you have in common with your friends so you won't have to please them with what you don't like at all. It's time to be more selfish, because you'd be more than a wild mess trying to make everyone else happy. I wonder, have these people ever noticed you being nice and positive ? I know that people more than usually wait for one single bad stuff you've done to gossip. Never do something you don't like at all because they'll take you for granted. It's time to cherish your feelings and avoid getting hurt the easy way.
Don't be afraid of asking for help from a friend you trust deeply, if not, consider seeing a therapist. Just remember, we're always here for you

[Wolfpack]

Talk to people that you know, you have been there for your friends or family let them know how you feel and let them help you for a change, no shame in doing that.

Be kind to yourself and look after yourself. Try to find things to stimulate your mind, find a way to meet new people or try taking on a new hobby.

And as Blustar has stated we are always here on the forum if you need to chat.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I have a similar problem with doing too much for everyone else and not enough for me.

Thankfully the liquor industry still produces an endless river of alcohol to fill my unquenchable oceanic thirst - so I have learned how to cope with life's little problems with oceans of alcohol.

Oh wait, that isn't a good thing now is it?

Your choice is rather simple. You can choose to now start taking some time for yourself, making a point to schedule in 'me time' be it a long hot soak in the bathtub, or doing something special like pursue a hobby - OR - you can choose to wait until the pressures of satisfying people all the time ends up making you an alcoholic or a drug addict or a suicide...


One thing, stop trying to take huge chunks of 'me time' at one setting. You are not used to that diet, instead nibble at it until you acquire a taste for it, then work on taking larger and larger bites as time goes by.

Do understand that there is a flip side to this, when you can very well end up gorging yourself on me-time and slip into a perpetual state of being a recluse.

So care must be taken to moderate yourself... Its not that hard... unless your an alcoholic, then moderation seems to just fly in the face of conventional wisdom which says 'As long as there is alcohol in the bottle, it must be thrown out, preferably filtered through my semi-pickled liver' :tongue:

[TwisttheLeaf]

You can choose to now start taking some time for yourself, making a point to schedule in 'me time' be it a long hot soak in the bathtub, or doing something special like pursue a hobby - OR - you can choose to wait until the pressures of satisfying people all the time ends up making you an alcoholic or a drug addict or a suicide...

One thing, stop trying to take huge chunks of 'me time' at one setting. You are not used to that diet, instead nibble at it until you acquire a taste for it, then work on taking larger and larger bites as time goes by.

^^
This

And perhaps remember that everyone else you're trying to please and take care of? They're adults and more than capable of taking care of themselves. The fact is? They won't if you do it for them tho. They'll be lazy and let you do it, because you're willing to do it.

So don't let them be lazy. Make them take care of themselves instead of you doing it for them.

And remember. You can't please everyone all the time. It's impossible. So follow what -you- think is important and what feels important to you in your heart. Follow your instincts instead of your need to make others happy and be true to yourself.

[Aike]

Quite frankly: I recommend unloading your problems shamelessly onto someone else every once in a while. Talk to someone close to you about how you're feeling. Let your friends and family be your mental support. The fact that you're trying to deal with your mood on your own and still find yourself depressed is a pretty clear sign that dealing with your problems on your own is not a good idea.

It's good to save some time for yourself, as others have already said. Your life can't be about pleasing other people 24/7. But, it must be added, if you're feeling down it's generally quite hard to enjoy whatever free time you might have. Don't beat yourself up about it. It's OK to be unhappy. You don't have to be positive all the time. The first step you can take is to allow yourself to have those negative thoughts and emotions.

Take care!

[ChadCoxRox]

One thing, stop trying to take huge chunks of 'me time' at one setting. You are not used to that diet, instead nibble at it until you acquire a taste for it, then work on taking larger and larger bites as time goes by. :tongue:

I can dig a bit o' biting here and there. It DOES help bring some balance to times when one gets in a rut via self neglect. So maybe you need to tell someone to bite you and really mean it Lauj???? Jesting aside, I can personally relate strongly to the OP and can attest to the effectiveness of wreckless abandonment during sex for breaking a cycle of self neglect.