Do most gay men always look for someone "better"?

[ExpatBrit77]

I find that with everyone who insists something is wrong with "everyone else"...if you hang around long enough you will find the REAL problem
(Psssst...it isn't everyone else )

I love how people on relationships are in no way judgemental on this subject. Maybe the problem is that the superficiality that exists is in some way considers "acceptable" and perhaps that is the real "enemy" that the gay community should be fighting against.

[Virge]

It is my observation that since so much of what "drives" gay men is appearance based - that even when dating or in relationships many (if not "most") will drop one guy for a better looking one, a younger guy, one with a bigger dick, a nicer ass, etc. if and/or when that chance comes along.

For instance if a guy has no trouble getting partners he will be less inclined to stay with any one guy. Not that straight guys don't go through trophy wives/girlfriends, etc. too but this seems much more common in the gay community. Monogamy is the exception not the rule.

I was going to stay out of this and hope someone else would do the dirty work.

It's a lot easier to anonymously criticize masses of people for your "observations" than it is to even wonder if maybe the problem is YOU, isn't it?

I have never met someone who bitched about gay men being superficial, appearance driven who wasn't themselves their own worst problems. Rather than make any effort to improve themselves physically or in any other ways that would make themselves more attractive they become bitter pompous annoying negative people who seldom have a kind or pleasant word to say about anyone and then bitch about how everyone else is so unfriendly and rude.

Also I have a real problem with this myth amongst many gay men that all they have to do to get a good relationship is put on their red shoes, click their heels and wish for one...and then incessantly whine and bitch about not having a BF..... good luck with that theory. It's all about WORK and anyone with a working relationship will tell you it takes WORK and BLIND DEDICATION to get through the hard times rather than throwing away a relationship every time there's a bump in the road or a few tears.

If you are not the person you want to spend the rest of your life with don't be disappointed if no one else want to spend it with you either. When you become the person you want to spend the rest of your life with there will be no shortage of others wishing to help you do it.

[Aike]

Whenever someone complains about the shallowness of gay guys I'm always reminded of this.

[Adam]

Yes!! what memechose said!!

[ETOTE]

Well if all you are looking for is sex, then most likely yes.
But that is true for everyone regardless of orientation or gender.

[Virge]

Yes!! what memechose said!!

Ya know what Adam???????????

You're probably like me..... When I talk about my guy and our relationship I automatically forget all the tough hard rough times because once they are conquered and overcome, they mean nothing anymore. The only time I think about the hard times is when someone starts telling me they wish they could have a relationship work out as easy as mine...and then I give them a full dose of reality about just how easy a relationship is NOT! LOL.... Hate to say it but loads of gays and straights abandon ship the first time things get a tiny bit tough in a relationship...

To me it was always pretty straightforward. If you love someone doing it half assed and planless is plain dumb. So is going into love with an escape plan.... you go into it without one if you plan on making it work.

[ExpatBrit77]

Regarding memechose´s comment: "Rather than make any effort to improve themselves physically or in any other ways that would make themselves more attractive they become bitter pompous..."

I´m sorry but how do you know that these people have not made every effort to improve themselves? There are people who spend years trying to lose weight but don't quite manage to get there.

I for one have spent years trying to get to a normal BMI and have never quite managed it (although I have come close).

I'm sorry but making those kinds of comments implies that people haven't tried to do anything about. Losing weight (for exmaple) isn't ALL about willpower. And without wishing the play the "I'm older than you" card but when you hit 30, metabolism slows down so generally it becomes harder to keep in shape. I'm sorry to remind but not all of us were born with a super fast metabolism.

Not to mention the fact that once you get to a certain age, EVERYTHING starts to sag, wrinkles appear, hairline recedes etc etc. There are some things that people just can't do anything about.

I for one would GLADLY come on here and whine about the day to day pain of being in a relationship, believe you me.

Once again I'm reminded of the fact that most people on this thread going on about how gays are not superficial are under the age of 30....that isn't me having a dig but those of you in relationships, think yourselves lucky that you found your guys when you were still young and everything was pert....

[ETOTE]

I would think if you love someone within a relationship, superficial things like looks should be of little concern, if not a least secondary.

Even when you are out meeting people, if you weren't being superficial and only looking for sex, then the interest should be in the personality or the person as a whole.

Now that I have a better understanding of partly why you are leaving Expat and why you are choosing to go back in the closet, I think now more than ever is reason enough not to leave the site as you can still be in the closet and get plenty of support and advice here no matter how brutally honest, can still help you sort things out.

[ExpatBrit77]

Yes but honestly, how many guys really and truly meet their boyfriends because they are attracted to their personality?
I realise a lot of people are friends first and then boyfriends but personally I doubt they would even go near someone who they didn´t physically at least a little bit

[Uneunsae]

I have NEVER dated someone SOLELY based on their appearance and I could NEVER date a smoking hot guy if I didn't like his personality.

Honestly, I think I am rare in that aspect. I haven't had sex in 4 years because of it. IOW, here's someone who doesn't do the "one night stand" thing. I don't cruise in gay bars, hell I don't even GO to gay bars.

There are a few others like me on this forum. Stay here and get to know them. It might give you a little hope.

Stay away from clubs. You're getting a false impression that ALL gays are like the club hoppers. That is just ONE part of the community and not everyone has that kind of lifestyle.

Many of us are just living like everyone else. Working, studying, cleaning our houses, yawning while riding the bus in the morning, feeding our pets, mowing the lawn, grabbing some coffee, etc. My Saturday nights are spent in the shopping district, walking around and getting air, or in a bookstore, or talking about philosophy, history and art with someone at a coffee shop, at home playing online games with friends, or cooking a lovely meal.

I'll probably meet my next boyfriend when I go back to grad school. You meet guys when you're DOING things you LOVE. They will have similar interests and lifestyle as you and you'll immediately have things to discuss and connect over.