Could you critique me? This is about being transgender.

[Swanny]

Still am living with parents who don't really support me when it comes to being transgender or genderqueer(a desire to be feminine). My dad is a fat(close to morbidly obese), muscular, hyper-masculine person who is disgusted by anything remotely gay but my mom is medically a healthy size and a little more open, but not necessarily accepting of me as a female. I plan on getting a college degree so it's easier to make more money and live out on my own. I don't like living with my parents, especially my dad because he has bad influence when it comes to food and weight loss and maintaining femininity. I hate my life because nothing works out for me.

[Buzzer]

I think it is about comestics, but also not being pressured to be a masculine. I feel that in being a feminine man, a lot of people will pressure you to be masculine whereas if you are transgender you will not be as pressured to conform because people will figure you are a woman.

I know inordinately little about transgenderism.

But with that said and even with what little I know, nothing that you are saying is coming across like the problem is your gender. It sounds like you believe that changing genders will help you escape from other pressures.

[Swanny]

Yes it is my gender because being a man in my cases entails big bulky muscles, a big appetite, other men trying to pull me into their masculine world because of what I look like, etc... It is tiring and I'm fed up with it. I'd rather live a feminine lifestyle and become thin and fem. I can't keep it up as a man so I figured I needed to change my gender to get involved in what I like. Too much pressure to eat a lot and lift weights and be masculine, I just want it all to end.

[Borg69]

I think it is about comestics, but also not being pressured to be a masculine. I feel that in being a feminine man, a lot of people will pressure you to be masculine whereas if you are transgender you will not be as pressured to conform because people will figure you are a woman.

Who pressures you to be masculine? Other than my redneck biological dad in the 70's, I can't really think of anyone in my life who gave me any significant amount of pressure to be a manly man.

[OkayOkay]

My partner works with a woman who is transgendered. She has gone through the counseling, sexual reassignment surgery, etc. the entire thing!

If you're really serious about this...I can see about getting her to write to you or something, and you guys can go from there. I can't think of anyone better to speak with about it. She has been through the entire process and it took quite some time. I'm sure she could give you very solid advice on this topic.

[Buzzer]

Yes it is my gender because being a man in my cases entails big bulky muscles, a big appetite, other men trying to pull me into their masculine world because of what I look like, etc... It is tiring and I'm fed up with it. I'd rather live a feminine lifestyle and become thin and fem. I can't keep it up as a man so I figured I needed to change my gender to get involved in what I like. Too much pressure to eat a lot and lift weights and be masculine, I just want it all to end.

And if you'd been born a woman you could very well be sitting here saying that women try to drag you into their fashion world, their love of shoe shopping, their makeup and their prettier features and their slimmer waists and bigger breasts and easier time getting boyfriends.

What you are saying here, to me, is "I feel like I can't 'win' at being male so I want to instead run away and be female."

I don't know why you think that is going to work.

The problem appears to be that you can't cope with pressures being set on you by others, and that will exist whether you are male or female.

[Swanny]

Yes please do get the friend to write me

[Swanny]

It's harder for me to be what I like and to be thin as a man because people assume your straight and what not. I'm made for the fem/transgender lifestyle internally that is.

[Uneunsae]

You CAN keep up. I think YOU need to redefine what you think a man should be. If you really believed that you don't need bulky muscles, etc then just do your thing and stop worrying about what other people think,

I have almost no muscle and am constantly mistaken for a girl. Yesterday, I ran errands all day and almost everyone called me a girl. I don't work out, play sports, or anything you're describing. The problem is not other men, it's your insecurity that makes you cave to peer pressure.

If you change gender, you will feel like you're in a nightmare living in the wrong body. You don't even have the slightest idea what transition will do to you. And talk about peer pressure? Women throw it on each other in much heavier doses than men!! And they can be downright cruel about it. You will never make it as a woman looking like those guys you want to look like. THEY'RE NOT WOMEN! They don't even remotely look like women. Yeah some people say they do, but those are just people who associate makeup and long hair with women.

And a therapist will never agree to hormone therapy since you're not a woman. "Living a feminine lifestyle and being thin" is NOT what makes a woman! I have that kind of lifestyle. My hair is really long, and I'm growing to my waist. I groom way more than most men do. My clothes are androgynous. I have a soft voice. Sometimes I wear minimal makeup. And so on.

See this guy here? This is my style.



It is NOT your gender that's the issue here.

You need to experiment with how you look. How do you want your hair to look like? If you want it long, grow it out. If you want to shave your body hair, do it! Take some of BowynAerrow's advice about your diet. See a nutritionist. You'll look awkward in the beginning, kind of like a pre teen girl learning how to do her hair and put on makeup, but that's how you find what's comfortable for you.

I went through the same phase. Granted, I'm a little blessed genetically in that I'm intersex, but I've seen plenty of "normal" guys pull of the andro look.

[Swanny]

I really hate being the way I am now. It's confusing because everybody around me is confused as well and I just don't want to be what I am right now. It is so hard to change you know?