What should I do?

[TwisttheLeaf]

1) When you make jokes, and things come out your mouth? You need to make sure these things that come out your mouth won't be taken by your partner as hurtful. Joke or not, that shit was hurtful, his reaction proves it hurt him.

That you hurt him is something you should be concerned about and feel bad about. Not whine over that he didn't get your joke.

2) That slap was entirely uncalled for. There are kinds of violence in a relationship that are okay. Namely? Consensual violence where -both parties- are enjoying it. (Ie: Gideon and I are both violent in bed. Prior to my home invasion, we -VERY MUCH- enjoyed the "take down" as a form of foreplay.)

Then thee is then violence that is NOT okay, no matter what. That slap? It falls in this category. Unexpected violence meant to hurt and/or demean. Non-consensual abusive behavior.

The fact is?

I consider what -both- of you did to be forms of abuse. You were emotionally/verbally abusive in your lack of sensitivity to your partner's feelings, although hopefully not intentionally so. (A good deal of humor is abusive in nature. Although socially accepted, it doesn't really make it right or okay.) He was physically abusive.

Both of you need to reflect on what you've done as well as have an open discussion (without blame but -with- apologies) on your feelings about what happened as well as your feelings for each other.

[reedj439]

HOLD ON! What he said about loving the hottie on TV was not ABUSE. Get a grip! That is so fucked up to say to someone who so innocently made a remark about an airbrushed stud on TV. PLEASE. If his boyfriend is SO insecure in their relationship that he can't take good-natured ribbing, and SO hot tempered that he has to HIT HIS BOYFRIEND, then screw that guy. But please, do not tell this poor guy who just was making an innocent lusty remark about some TV hottie that he was ABUSING his boyfriend. How outrageous!

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Two wrongs never make a right.

You are both wrong. You are wrong for hurting him emotionally, he is wrong for hurting you physically.

I seriously doubt you two are on the same page on this and perhaps many matters, which means there most likely is a huge conflict in your future.

The problem with apology and who starts it is that apologies never get done if both are expecting the other to apologize first.

The longer the silence continues, the deeper the resentment grows....


Personally a single slap is all it takes to make me pack up my bag and leave... That is the point of no return.

BUT I make that very, very clear in the initial stages of 'us' building (relationship/dating) that I have a few simple rules and that a breach of any one of them is a relationship killer that 'we' can't come back from when the lines are crossed.

If you two haven't had this sort of 'Slapping ends the relationship' discussion, then you can't actually just walk away.

Sure, he over reacted here... but then I suspect that your little joke was most likely presented in a mean spirited way and you pushed buttons of his that he most likely doesn't even know he has.

So he needs to work on his issues, you need to work on yours and you two need to start communicating and setting ground rules for how you two fight your wars.

[Uneunsae]

No way in hell would I ever stay with someone who slapped me. And I don't care what the reason is.
You were very inconsiderate of his feelings also. The fact that you got a rise out of messing with him bothers me.

[theBreeze]

HOLD ON! What he said about loving the hottie on TV was not ABUSE. Get a grip! That is so fucked up to say to someone who so innocently made a remark about an airbrushed stud on TV. PLEASE. If his boyfriend is SO insecure in their relationship that he can't take good-natured ribbing, and SO hot tempered that he has to HIT HIS BOYFRIEND, then screw that guy. But please, do not tell this poor guy who just was making an innocent lusty remark about some TV hottie that he was ABUSING his boyfriend. How outrageous!

Thanks for taking my side I do admit I was insensitive, but don't really think I was abusing my partner.

[Uneunsae]

If you say something once and KNOW that it hurt your partner and say it again to keep hurting him then, yeah that's emotional abuse. You took the opportunity to emotionally overpower your partner.

[Anocxu]

So... Now that you know that your partner may physically harm you if you tried to leave... What now?