A budding something...
08-22-2014, 07:11 PM
So this is gonna be a long thread,updating about my well being and journey and what I've found about myself so far and what I got from them.
I let out my inner slut. I lost my virginity to a stranger. I didn't regret it,cause it maybe wasn't beautiful,but I definitely learnt more with each encounter. I had my short promiscuity phase for a month or so. It was fun,exciting,a little bit dangerous,and some were disappointing,but each of them was a new discovery of myself. And after the last guy,I decided to no longer engage in casual sex cause it wasn't for me. I still haven't experimented fully with my sexuality,but I've decided to experiment the rest with my significant other. I also made friends with few of my hook ups,they were the good ones of course,so all wasn't so bad~
After I ended my promiscuity phase,I updated my online profile, looking for more connection and chemistry with another guy,be it friendship or relationship or whatever,just not hook up. On the 12th day,a guy contacted me on Growlr (dating app for bears and the likes). His profile was pretty much blank,but he did send me a cute picture of him,which of course compelled me to response to him. Well,we had a great chat that night,and I felt this chemistry and connection that I've been seeking in another guy. We have one thing in common as starter,which is photography. But he said he was after a friendship,so friendship was what I accepted.
The next day we chat again the whole day. I got to know him more as a person,and can't believe how much we have in common! Our taste for music,our passion in travel and photography,the values in life that we share. So I flirted a bit with him,and he flirted back,haha. Then he asked me if I have a girlfriend,which I answered,"I am gay,I don't do gf". I asked if he has gf/bf,and he said no. So well,we're pretty much single. I asked if he would like to have a video call session,and he accepted. We skyped that night,and it was lovely. He was such a shy guy,and so was I,we couldn't stop being blushed seeing each other,haha. Apparently it was his first time skyping with another guy,and he himself was puzzled as for why he accepted. He even downloaded and registered a new account for Skype just to have a video call with me,which I think showed how much he's interested in me.
On the third day,we talked again. This time I tried to dig if he's interested in meeting up,or if he's just another time waster. I asked if he had any partner before and he said he didn't. In fact,he never even met a guy from this online dating app. Too shy,scared,and various other reasons,he said. While that was kind of a red flag for me as I'm afraid that he might be a time waster,but I proposed something else to him. I said that,since we're not close to each other (he lives about 320km/200miles away from where I live,but 182km/113miles from where I study), why don't we take our time into getting to know each other better and when he's comfortable enough for a meet up,then we'll arrange it. He was very into it. And he said that he does want to meet me one day. That kind of relieved me a bit. Then he asked if I'm seeing other people,to which I'm not,and he's also not.
So we became exclusive in 3 days! Was that fast? Maybe,but it felt right to me. And I really really can't date 2 people at the same time,emotional attachment is something bigger to me,unlike sexual encounter. Well,just because we're exclusive,does that make us dating each other? No idea. We're definitely far off from being in a relationship yet. I just know that I want to go with the flow and see how things go with him. Even if he one day refuses to meet me,I'll take it as a lesson and know better the next time. As someone else said in this forum,"relationship is a good thing to experience no matter what form it is",or so I think his words,haha.
So,yeah,to sum it up,this is a budding something,I don't know what it's gonna be or whether it's gonna work at all. I am an over thinker,I can think of thousands of reasons that could make whatever we might have fall apart. For example,I am afraid to talk about more serious issues such as religion,being in the closet,and so on. I don't know if I want to have any conflict with him even before meeting him. Cause it would be hard to make up with him since we're far from each other. Someday,this honeymoon period will end. But it's not today at the very least,so I'll enjoy this moment for now. Any advice on this matter would be so helpful,especially from those who started a long distance relationship virtually (wink to Gideon and TwistTheLeaf :p). Hope I didn't bore you guys with my self-centered thread.
I let out my inner slut. I lost my virginity to a stranger. I didn't regret it,cause it maybe wasn't beautiful,but I definitely learnt more with each encounter. I had my short promiscuity phase for a month or so. It was fun,exciting,a little bit dangerous,and some were disappointing,but each of them was a new discovery of myself. And after the last guy,I decided to no longer engage in casual sex cause it wasn't for me. I still haven't experimented fully with my sexuality,but I've decided to experiment the rest with my significant other. I also made friends with few of my hook ups,they were the good ones of course,so all wasn't so bad~
After I ended my promiscuity phase,I updated my online profile, looking for more connection and chemistry with another guy,be it friendship or relationship or whatever,just not hook up. On the 12th day,a guy contacted me on Growlr (dating app for bears and the likes). His profile was pretty much blank,but he did send me a cute picture of him,which of course compelled me to response to him. Well,we had a great chat that night,and I felt this chemistry and connection that I've been seeking in another guy. We have one thing in common as starter,which is photography. But he said he was after a friendship,so friendship was what I accepted.
The next day we chat again the whole day. I got to know him more as a person,and can't believe how much we have in common! Our taste for music,our passion in travel and photography,the values in life that we share. So I flirted a bit with him,and he flirted back,haha. Then he asked me if I have a girlfriend,which I answered,"I am gay,I don't do gf". I asked if he has gf/bf,and he said no. So well,we're pretty much single. I asked if he would like to have a video call session,and he accepted. We skyped that night,and it was lovely. He was such a shy guy,and so was I,we couldn't stop being blushed seeing each other,haha. Apparently it was his first time skyping with another guy,and he himself was puzzled as for why he accepted. He even downloaded and registered a new account for Skype just to have a video call with me,which I think showed how much he's interested in me.
On the third day,we talked again. This time I tried to dig if he's interested in meeting up,or if he's just another time waster. I asked if he had any partner before and he said he didn't. In fact,he never even met a guy from this online dating app. Too shy,scared,and various other reasons,he said. While that was kind of a red flag for me as I'm afraid that he might be a time waster,but I proposed something else to him. I said that,since we're not close to each other (he lives about 320km/200miles away from where I live,but 182km/113miles from where I study), why don't we take our time into getting to know each other better and when he's comfortable enough for a meet up,then we'll arrange it. He was very into it. And he said that he does want to meet me one day. That kind of relieved me a bit. Then he asked if I'm seeing other people,to which I'm not,and he's also not.
So we became exclusive in 3 days! Was that fast? Maybe,but it felt right to me. And I really really can't date 2 people at the same time,emotional attachment is something bigger to me,unlike sexual encounter. Well,just because we're exclusive,does that make us dating each other? No idea. We're definitely far off from being in a relationship yet. I just know that I want to go with the flow and see how things go with him. Even if he one day refuses to meet me,I'll take it as a lesson and know better the next time. As someone else said in this forum,"relationship is a good thing to experience no matter what form it is",or so I think his words,haha.
So,yeah,to sum it up,this is a budding something,I don't know what it's gonna be or whether it's gonna work at all. I am an over thinker,I can think of thousands of reasons that could make whatever we might have fall apart. For example,I am afraid to talk about more serious issues such as religion,being in the closet,and so on. I don't know if I want to have any conflict with him even before meeting him. Cause it would be hard to make up with him since we're far from each other. Someday,this honeymoon period will end. But it's not today at the very least,so I'll enjoy this moment for now. Any advice on this matter would be so helpful,especially from those who started a long distance relationship virtually (wink to Gideon and TwistTheLeaf :p). Hope I didn't bore you guys with my self-centered thread.
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