Sharing your relationship with friends, colleagues, etc

[Edward]

This thread is for those of you who have boyfriends/girlfriends.

Recently I've started dating a nice man. When my friends found out I'm dating, they immediately tried to pull out of me every information possible - what's his name, how does he look like, where does he work, what's his family like, have we slept together already, etc. I'm introvert person and I prefer to keep my emotions and my life to myself. I just gave them some brief information, like the name and age and profession. And they were like - hey, tell something more! Also I've got some female colleagues in my job and I guess I even offended them when I refused to share my new relationships with them and said that job is job and private life is private life.

Anyway, I felt like a weirdo. I don't want to speak about my love life as this is my very personal and very intimate thing. Why should I tell every single detail about my boyfriend? Sometime my friends will probably meet him themselves and will get the possibility to find out what he's like.

So what about you? How much about your partner do you tell your friends or parents or job colleagues or basically someone you know?

[East]

Well...I have gone nearly 30 years now and never once have said anything bad about my boyfriend nor complained about him to anyone and I know this will be the case 'til I die.

A few times when it was something that was important and relevant for some reason I have asked permission before I have shared private things.....

I am kinda private in my relationship and see it as something between me and him. For instance...I would NEVER ask someone else for relationship advice ...I would go to him. We have excellent communication in our relationship and we are honest with each other...I wouldn't be in the relationship if that wasn't the case. If I needed help I would seek professional help. He is similar to me in that respect....

[BlueStar]

Putting GS forum friends aside...

Nothing at all. My partner is all mine and I don't wanna share him nor my private life with anyone, not even say a word about him. I'd never let anybody jeopardize my love & happiness.

[Buzzer]

This thread is for those of you who have boyfriends/girlfriends.

Recently I've started dating a nice man. When my friends found out I'm dating, they immediately tried to pull out of me every information possible - what's his name, how does he look like, where does he work, what's his family like, have we slept together already, etc. I'm introvert person and I prefer to keep my emotions and my life to myself. I just gave them some brief information, like the name and age and profession. And they were like - hey, tell something more! Also I've got some female colleagues in my job and I guess I even offended them when I refused to share my new relationships with them and said that job is job and private life is private life.

Anyway, I felt like a weirdo. I don't want to speak about my love life as this is my very personal and very intimate thing. Why should I tell every single detail about my boyfriend? Sometime my friends will probably meet him themselves and will get the possibility to find out what he's like.

So what about you? How much about your partner do you tell your friends or parents or job colleagues or basically someone you know?

I'm also an introvert. I think most people are way too casually open about in many cases inappropriately personal details about their relationships. I know what nearly all of my straight friends fight about with their girlfriends or wives, for example. For most straight people, talking about their wives/husbands/girlfriends/boyfriends so much and so often in everyday conversation with everyone is so normal that it doesn't occur to them that others might not feel so comfortable when asked questions.

As gay people there's a line between "you are uncomfortable being asked any questions because it's drawing attention to the fact that you are gay and in a relationship with another man" and "you are just an introverted person and would be private about personal details regardless of sexual orientation." So I think the question is do you feel so private over it because of the former or the latter. It's very easy for someone who feels insecure or embarrassed over being gay to rationalize never wanting to talk about their love life as simply being shyness or propriety.

People close enough to me hear a LOT, but will never hear everything. There are certain details I simply don't think have any business being discussed with third parties. Not even good friends could have ever answered if someone asked them about my relationships "what do they do in bed?" or "who's the top/bottom?", for example.

[ceez]

I wouldn't talk about my relationship that much. To me all anyone else needs to know is that I'm taken and that's if I were gay or straight, I just don't feel comfortable going into that much detail especially with my uncles who constantly ask me if I'm dating yet, it almost feels like they're trying to relive their younger years through me. Work on the other hand is a completley different story, guys that I barley know want to know every single detail, from age and race to how freaky the sex was. :mad:

[Virge]

[SIZE="5"][COLOR="Blue"]That's a tough subject Edward it depends on the situation and the people involved.

For instance I don't talk a lot about my guy with acquaintances in real life and usually then only if they ask about him and then just give enough info to satisfy them. The gay people I know here are allllllllll likely to gossip and most of my closer friends here aren't gay. They know my guy and when they ask it's always easy to answer them on an individual basis.

Then here in GaySpeak I talk about him quite a bit BUT usually in context to teach something about relationships to those trying to make relationships work or find one. Sometimes I tell the silly things he does or says but not too often.

Then there are THREE people here in GS in similar relationships to mine -- or with many things in common. I spend a lot of time yakking to them about relationship stuff and we ALWAYS end up finding out things about our guys by comparing notes. As an example I was in a five hour chat with one GS member a few days ago and he got on the subject of how his BF is shy around most people but when it's just the 2 of them he becomes a chatterbox and becomes very excited and animated when he talks ---- and he might as well have been describing my guy's most annoying habit!!!!!!! The talk helped me finally understand my guy's behavior and appreciate it like I never have before because I'm the ONLY PERSON ON EARTH who ever gets to see that side of him. So since then when he gets to ranting and yakking I just sit and listen, smiling at how danged cute he is when he's like that! Just today he was on a rage that went on for 20 minutes or more and I just listened and smiled the whole time. He finally asked me why I was being so quiet and I told him because he's so much fun to look at and listen to....and I meant it for the first time!!!!!

But... telling friends and acquaintances personal information (like yours are asking for) would bother me. Just because someone is curious about something doesn't give them a right to make you feel obligated to satisfy their curiosity. What will they do with whatever you tell them? Tell others?

and there's this bit of wisdom
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[AlfredM]

Hmm,I'm an introvert myself,but I would very much want to share about the person I like to my family and close friends,suppose that I am out to them. The sexual part,I'll keep it to myself though,unless I feel like I need help. But answering whether we have slept or not,I don't think it's too much to reveal if it's to my close friends,but maybe not to my acquaintances. It's also important to distinguish between busy body and people who are genuinely interested in you,to which I have no experience with busy body,lol.

[Iceblink]

Hmm,I'm an introvert myself,but I would very much want to share about the person I like to my family and close friends,suppose that I am out to them. The sexual part,I'll keep it to myself though,unless I feel like I need help. But answering whether we have slept or not,I don't think it's too much to reveal if it's to my close friends,but maybe not to my acquaintances. It's also important to distinguish between busy body and people who are genuinely interested in you,to which I have no experience with busy body,lol.

I agree. I'm somewhat of an introvert, but even if I wasn't I still don't think I would share in great detail that much about my boyfriend with people like acquaintances, coworkers, or neighbors. My closest friends, however, I am going to talk about him and do a little bragging while I'm at it because I think he's something pretty special. There is a reason I refer to certain people as my close friends, and it is a very few people, and those are not the people I get together with to talk only about the weather, current events, and television and pop stars. Those are the people I trust and those are the people I am more personal with. Otherwise, they would just be acquaintances. Also, Like East said, I also do not ask advice online in matters of my relationship. If there is some sort of issue, I would go directly to my boyfriend.

[AdamAndWill]

Will: I think that too many people overshare. A friend of ours was having issues with her husband, and shared the details with just about everyone. They worked out their problems and are back together and doing well, but there are a lot of people who still hate him because of the things she said.

If I'm having problems with Adam, it seems pretty ridiculous to ask other people what he thinks or how he feels. Only he can tell me that.

But I admit that I embarrass him by bragging about him a lot...

[CellarDweller]

LOL

I don't mean to laugh about anyone's decision here, this is a personal decision, and everyone comes to it on their own.

When it comes to me, I figure if I have to hear about what they all did with their husbands and wives, they'll hear about me and my guy as well.

I'm currently single. When I did have boyfriends, I had their picture in a frame in my cubicle, like they had. If they told me what the did that weekend, I did the same.

Of course, I didn't say stuff like: "Well, Matt instigated some play fights to get me to retaliate, which I did by tickling him, and then that got me all horny so when I wore him out with that, I gave him head."

I would just say that he and I went out for dinner, and then dancing, and things like that.

I will admit, I would've loved to see their faces if I said the italicized sentence.