Virginity; A sacred thing? or a shameful thing?

[bluedragon]

For all of you who think that I am a love making expert... Here's a shocker!! I am a virgin! (BY CHOICE) and I plan on staying this way until I find the man of my dreams or just someone with whom I can feel comfortable and when it is time.. then it is time.

Much of a fairytale or an illusion that some of you might think that i have in my head, but it is what I believe in and I stand by it. And it isn't because I can't get laid, I can if I wanted to. But how many people lost their virginity or in other words (Wasted it) on some unworthy people? why should it be a night stand with some stranger in my bed? Why shouldn't it be something more valuable, more profound, something in which you can never forget and just never regret it. I don't want it to be a one night fun. I want it to be more than just that, to feel a connection, a bond to my lover. Especially when it is with someone you love, I believe it would be 10x better than just a hook up..

Wouldn't you agree? Should virginity be that much sacred? Thoughts?...

I have similar thoughts like you too. Glad to know I'm not alone

[MikeW]

What do you mean by "virginity"? Do you mean sharing absolutely zero erotic stimulation with another human being? I'm asking because, for most (not all) heterosexuals, "virginity" (as I understand it) means no penetration. One can have kissing, fondling, mutual masturbation, oral sex and so on… without loss of "virginity". Just saying, I don't know what "virginity" means to you.

[Uneunsae]

I don't think that virginity is sacred per se, but lovemaking, in general, is to me. I just don't feel comfortable sharing my body with a stranger. But, then again, it takes me a very long time to warm up to people in general so it's really part of my personality. It's not really safe for me emotionally to have sex with strangers. It took a lot of soul searching to figure that out. Some guys are totally fine with it, some guys pretend they are fine with it but aren't (because they are seeking something that can't be found in sex). Etc.

You should do what feels right to you now. It might change later, it might not.

[TwisttheLeaf]

I wouldn't say that virginity is sacred. I -would- say that it's.... special. Important. Should be respected and.... hmmm. *Shrugging* It's special. IMO, of course.

That said? I didn't particularly consider mine to be when I gave it away, neither did the guy who took it (because I didn't tell him, yeah?) BUT... as the taker? I consider it important to give a bit of reverence to the gift being given.

I also agree with Uneunsae about lovemaking being sacred.

I might define it different than Uneunsae tho. Because, for me, there is a huge difference between lovemaking and fucking. Fucking is an extracurricular activity that doesn't mean shit but damned well -better- feel good. Lovemaking involves more than bodies, but also emotions. It is sacred and its important both parties respect that.

[BlueStar]

I can understand what you mean. I agree with East and Bowyn too. I could have gone further and get a one-night sex, but what I really needed was love... And then my boyfriend came into my life. I can't wait for when we next meet to finally tell the good news.
So yeah, having sex with my true love is much, much more enjoyable than rushing into losing my virginity...

[Gideon]

For all of you who think that I am a love making expert... Here's a shocker!! I am a virgin! (BY CHOICE) and I plan on staying this way until I find the man of my dreams or just someone with whom I can feel comfortable and when it is time.. then it is time.

Much of a fairytale or an illusion that some of you might think that i have in my head, but it is what I believe in and I stand by it. And it isn't because I can't get laid, I can if I wanted to. But how many people lost their virginity or in other words (Wasted it) on some unworthy people? why should it be a night stand with some stranger in my bed? Why shouldn't it be something more valuable, more profound, something in which you can never forget and just never regret it. I don't want it to be a one night fun. I want it to be more than just that, to feel a connection, a bond to my lover. Especially when it is with someone you love, I believe it would be 10x better than just a hook up..

Wouldn't you agree? Should virginity be that much sacred? Thoughts?...

I think that your expectations, your desire to hold off and make that first time special is admirable and I hope when you find the right guy that first time for you is -amazing-. And I hope too that whoever it is that you end up with, accepts what he's getting with all the respect that your virginity(and you) deserve.

My first...the wrong guy, the wrong reasons...but everything in our lives, both the good and the bad make us into the people that we are, so I guess I don't regret it as much as wish I'd had the foresight to make better decisions in that moment.

[Cuddly]

I've got things to say that can't be said without them possibly being considered offenssive, which isn't my goal so I'll just say this; having sex and exploring/satisfying somebody else takes nothing away from you. It is a learning experience, good or bad. The concept should be flipped around from losing virginity to gaining sexability (or something)

It's good not to have sex with just anybody - just not for virginity reasons, in my opinion.

[Bhp91126]

Virginity is a construct of a patriarchal society to 'guarantee' paternity of ones offspring. I find it rather silly, when gay men transfer the concept to our sex-lives. However, I find nothing wrong with waiting for the right guy. That can be Mr Right or Mr Right-Now. I wouldn't expect too much from the first time, though, as know-how helps with the enjoyment.

[Aike]

I would want to lose my virginity to someone close to me, i.e. someone who I could have a relationship with. But that has nothing to do with me regarding my virginity sacred. I just want to have my first time with someone I feel safe with. I'm kind of terrified of sex, so... It's a very pragmatic consideration.

In general, I do not judge people according to whether they want to "wait for the right person" or not.

[Uneunsae]

Yeah, I think I learned that "fucking" is not something I can do unless it's with someone I have some kind of bond with. Friendship counts as a bond, though.

Back to OP, I lost my "virginity" when I was 15 because I was depressed and in a very dark time dealing with PTSD and suicidal ideation. While I can't say whether or not I regret that decision, I wish I'd loved myself more and that it was a better memory instead of what I have. FWIW.