Some rantings...

[Anonymous]

This thread is not meant to be a wet blanket. Just for discussion.

Is it true that not everyone will be in a relationship in their whole lives? (Gay community)

That some will eventually be single till the end?

But does being single in the end means you are a loser in life? (because you failed to have a long-lasting relationship)

Are some people meant to be loners in their whole lives (because they are being rejected by everyone - relationship and friendship wise)

If one avoids relationships (due to fear of failed relationships), is he going to regret alot for not having a romantic experience in the later part of his life?

Is it wrong to be envious when seeing other gay couples (because you are yearning to be in a deep relationship like them)?

Am I being desperate if I tend to date anyone who approaches me without knowing them well?

Am I disrespecting myself if I try to change my own policies, habits and beliefs so that I can be with another guy?

My apologies if I have said something that hurt anyone's feelings.

Note: To all who are in a relationship, treasure and cherish your partner. I wish you guys a happy and fulfilled relationship from the bottom of my heart.

Sry for my rantings...

[lauj]

Don't be sorry, I rant all the time. When I do go on dates (which Is not often) I hardly know them that well too but by the time our date is done with I know them a little bit better. If you don't give them a chance then you are not going to know them at all, unless you go on dates with your friends. My friend told me that sometime you have to throw yourself out there. Its really rare that something comes knocking at my door. The part about disrespecting yourself, is kind of like your point of view on things, I can't give you a yes or no answer on that. I hope you feel better.

[Jake]

Hey there, relationship isn't for everybody, some people are doing quite well being single and having intercourse once in a while or several time. Being single isn't being a loser in no fucking way. And what do you really believe it's always blue sky when you are with someone else.

[matty7]

I was slightly jealous on sat night seeing straight couples all dressed up going out for a night on the town but im sure that's normal for any single gay or straight person...doesn't mean im a looser in my eyes though, I not single by choice but don't see anything changing unless I move to a place where there are at least some gay people,

[PatrickLondon]

>>Is it true that not everyone will be in a relationship in their whole lives? (Gay community)
That some will eventually be single till the end?<<

Yes

>>But does being single in the end means you are a loser in life? (because you failed to have a long-lasting relationship)<<

No (but I would say that, and can't deny I do feel there's been something wrong with me for doing or not doing whatever it was that made/let it not happen)

>>Are some people meant to be loners in their whole lives (because they are being rejected by everyone - relationship and friendship wise)<<

Sadly, yes.

>>If one avoids relationships (due to fear of failed relationships), is he going to regret alot for not having a romantic experience in the later part of his life?<<

Possibly, possibly not.

>>Is it wrong to be envious when seeing other gay couples (because you are yearning to be in a deep relationship like them)?<<

No, but as ever, while you aren't responsible, let alone to blame, for what you feel, you are for how to respond to it. Don't let it become an obsession. Concentrate on the relationships you have, of all kinds. Whether or not something deeper develops can't (I think) be willed or made to happen.

>>Am I being desperate if I tend to date anyone who approaches me without knowing them well?<<

How would you get to know people without dating them? (Or am I misunderstanding what you mean by "dating"?)

>>Am I disrespecting myself if I try to change my own policies, habits and beliefs so that I can be with another guy?<<

Pretending to hold beliefs you don't hold in order to get in with someone is bound to backfire on you, and yes, deceit is disrespecting both of you. But obviously in a relationship you are likely to change some aspects of your life and habits, even if you have to agree to differ on others - but that needs to be a conscious process involving honesty on both sides, surely?

[Bhp91126]

Yup, some people are going to stay single their whole life, most of those by choice though, however there is more than 1 person out there who could be "THE ONE".
If I were single I'd focus on having a good time, doing things I enjoy, maybe learn some interesting new stuff, do a team-sport, become a member of different groups, volunteer at an lgbt-center and go out to have fun. I'd focus on meeting people and making friends.

In real life away from the computer!!!!!

People who do things and have friends are attractive to others.

[TwisttheLeaf]

Is it true that not everyone will be in a relationship in their whole lives? (Gay community)
That some will eventually be single till the end?
But does being single in the end means you are a loser in life? (because you failed to have a long-lasting relationship)

It is true, some people will never have a long term relationship or a deep and meaningful one. Everyone is different, some don't want or need it, others resist or put themselves in the position of not letting others close. Does it make them losers? Of course not. It means they have a different, unique perspective on life that others will never have. It means they've learned to be independent (and this isn't a bad thing) and strong in their own right.

Are some people meant to be loners in their whole lives (because they are being rejected by everyone - relationship and friendship wise)

People who are rejected by everyone, and have an issue with that rejection, need to look at themselves. They are doing something which causes this repeated rejection. Whether it's treating others badly, rejecting others (even subconsciously) before they think they will be, holding themselves apart, being toxic (morose, angry, mean, hurtful, constantly negative, etc.) Fate or the universe doesn't decide when someone is rejected by others, their own behavior does.

If one avoids relationships (due to fear of failed relationships), is he going to regret alot for not having a romantic experience in the later part of his life?

Probably. Because the person is avoiding relationships for the wrong reasons.

The fact is, just because a relationship failed doesn't mean they all will. Everyone is different. Writing off -everyone- because of one (or even a handful) of assholes, fuckups or jerks? It's wrong, and will bite you in the ass one way or another eventually.

Is it wrong to be envious when seeing other gay couples (because you are yearning to be in a deep relationship like them)?

No, but if you're unwilling to put yourself out there, it's your own fault, yeah?

Am I being desperate if I tend to date anyone who approaches me without knowing them well?

Ahhh yeah. And it's no wonder you'd get hurt again and again if that's your method of going about looking for a meaningful, long term relationship. It's like trying to find a tiny fleck of gold in the soil... using a bulldozer.

Am I disrespecting myself if I try to change my own policies, habits and beliefs so that I can be with another guy?

I would say this depends on what policies, habits, and beliefs you're trying to change.

People adapt and learn from their mistakes. They adjust themselves as they move through life, to reach the goals they want to accomplish. The key is to retain who you are and who you want to be while moving through these adaptations.

Note: To all who are in a relationship, treasure and cherish your partner. I wish you guys a happy and fulfilled relationship from the bottom of my heart.

Thank you. I am, and he makes me very happy. I do my best to do the same for him.

On a side note, if you want to be in a deep and meaningful relationship, I hope you find what you're looking for. There's a lot of jerks and idiots out there. Unfortunately, you have to weed through them to find the good ones. This doesn't mean you have to -date- all the jerks to find the good ones, but it means you need to start observing and choosing more carefully so you're less likely to be wasting your time when you do choose one to try dating.

[dynamodean]

There is nothing wrong with being single, it's all about what YOU want. I'd say it's probably easiest when you approach people without expectations. Meet people...lots of them. You'll increase your chances of finding someone just right for you. What's the worst that can come from it? At the very least you'll make some nice friends. And friendships can and do evolve into something more sometimes.

[Steve]

This thread is not meant to be a wet blanket. Just for discussion.

Discussion is good. And I have a dryer for your blanket.

Is it true that not everyone will be in a relationship in their whole lives? (Gay community)

No, not everyone will be in a relationship their whole lives. Sorry to burst that bubble. Even those of us who have been in a long relationship will eventually lose one or the other partner. Either through breaking up or death, separation happens to all of us at some point in life. I don't mean to be macabre, but you don't want to hear lies do you? Nothing lasts forever. Sorry.

That some will eventually be single till the end?

As with most everyone on Earth, yes some will be people will be single. Some won't. Some will be surrounded by friends. The future is not ours to see. Being afraid of the future disables you from living in the present, which is why you have to make the most you can of ever minute. Live in the moment.

But does being single in the end means you are a loser in life? (because you failed to have a long-lasting relationship)

Not automatically. You shouldn't use a relationship as a measure of "winning or failing" in life. Relationships are wonderful...sometimes. But they aren't the end all, be all of existence. There's more to life than a constant hunt for the a mate. Look around you. Somewhere in your life there is something wonderful. Enjoy it. Stop worrying about failing. Start living for something other than your need for another person to complete you. You're as complete as you can be today. And in the future you'll grow.

Are some people meant to be loners in their whole lives (because they are being rejected by everyone - relationship and friendship wise)

I've never known anyone who could read the future. People aren't meant to be anything except what they make of their own lives. Make the best life you can for yourself. That's all anyone can ask of you. Eventually you will meet people who won't reject your friendship. No one is rejected by everyone.

If one avoids relationships (due to fear of failed relationships), is he going to regret a lot for not having a romantic experience in the later part of his life?

If you live in constant fear of life, you'll never experience the best parts of it. There is such a thing a self-fulfilling prophecy. Argue for your limitations and sure enough, they're yours.

Is it wrong to be envious when seeing other gay couples (because you are yearning to be in a deep relationship like them)?

You can envy many people based upon the way they appear to you. But the way they appear to you is most probably not who they are in real life, at home when it is just them and there's no one else to see them. People show others the best sides of themselves. Just because you believe these relationships you see are perfect doesn't mean they are. Nothing is perfect. You may be yearning for a relationship that you would not want to be a part of. Try not to judge based on what appears to be a deep relationship between two individuals. They might not be anything like you imagine them.

Am I being desperate if I tend to date anyone who approaches me without knowing them well?

No. You won't know them unless you talk to them. Try to remember though, that not everyone who approaches you is worthy of you. You're only desperate if you date people who don't respect who you are as an individual.

Am I disrespecting myself if I try to change my own policies, habits and beliefs so that I can be with another guy?

To some degree, yes. Dating/relationships almost require us to be flexible in order to grow as a people. Self introspection, challenging long held beliefs about life and the way you conduct yourself in the world is a necessary part of self awareness, of personal growth. It is not, however, wise to reinvent yourself simply to date a guy. If people don't respect you for who you are upon meeting them, to change yourself and build a new facade each time you meet someone new is a disservice to both you and the other person. The end result is often losing perspective of who you are as a person. You may lose the foundation upon which to build your life and make it better. Change is not necessarily a bad thing; it can open you to personal growth. Changing to meet another persons expectations of who you should be at the expense of your own experiences in life, the things your gut tells you are right about yourself, is generally not healthy for your well being.

My apologies if I have said something that hurt anyone's feelings.

Why apologize for asking good questions about life? If anyone here can help you by posting their thoughts to a question you've asked, something good has hopefully been accomplished. You seem like a nice person, and I'm pretty sure you haven't offended or hurt anyone's feelings.

Note: To all who are in a relationship, treasure and cherish your partner. I wish you guys a happy and fulfilled relationship from the bottom of my heart.

Thanks for thinking of us. I knew you were a good person. We do treasure and cherish those of us who have partners and friends, often even when they are difficult to live with, or make us realize something we may not like about them, or ourselves. A relationship is a two way street and requires give and take from each partner. Be yourself. Not many people will know you if you're only trying to please them and forget about taking care of yourself at the same time.

Sorry for my rantings...

No apology necessary. We've had worse, and we're still here.