Help me out

[Mystery199x]

This is my diary from 2 days ago... Sorry if my English is bad, I am an Arab ...

It seems like I got over him now, but I feel so empty in the inside, sure I still chat with him every once in a while, but to have loved someone so much and knowing that it won't last, more to that get that news from him... I will never forget the first time we met, our first kiss, and the time he told me that he loves me. I guess we were not meant to be.

I got to know myself more, maybe that's why I was able to get over him now, to tell the truth, I don't know how he even felt about me. Was it love? Physical? Financial? I don't know for sure, but I know one thing... I loved him to death and I know that there might be somewhere inside where I still do, but I can control it now, but for how long? That is the question.

I still can't believe that I let him go, thank god I did, at least now the damages will be repaired without new ones.

Man I feel so empty alone... Will I ever find true love? I know it's taste now... It's wonderful... Will I ever find someone who I can think about when I sleep and wake up? Someone whom I expect every phone vibration to be a message from? Someone who will love me back as much as I do?! I'm not sure anymore, I guess that's why I am embedding myself in my studies now, to fill the gap that was created... I don't even know if my Soulmate is out there anymore, what if it was him and it failed... Am I meant to be like this forever? I know I'm still young and there are a lot of fish in the sea, but what if I'm looking for a mermaid?

If my Soulmate is really out there, am I even meant to meet him? What if he is already taken and long gone for me now..

I love my family, but I also love myself and want to someone to hold that place in my heart that was only revealed to my ex... I hope that it's not over for me, that I won't have to shut off that place on my heart because it hurts me and God knows how much it does, if anyone was to find out about my sexual orientation I would be dead, I'm fighting it as much as I can but it's tiring me now... I feel... weak? Am I meant to suffer like this? I don't feel pain now, not because it is all over for me and my conflicts are solved, it's just that I became much stronger than before, If my true love is out there, I would just like to say this to him "Hurry and save me, god knows how much I need you right now, please come to me, hold my hand and catch my heart and hug me till it's all ok"


Any advices???