My mother is religious, very religious. My brother and I did not grow up in a religious household, we rarely went to some kind kind of church service. Religion was something my mother found later in life when my brother and I were both grown and out of the house. Ten years ago my dad died and it was her church she turned to help her get through that time in her life. I am an atheist and I for myself I really do not care what they do with my body or any kind of service, I won't see it, but if for some reason I were to die before mother, there is absolutely no way I am going to deny that woman whatever she needs in that funeral service to bring her some comfort in the loss of a son she raised and took care of for a significant portion of her life. My partner Phil is Catholic and some religious component to the service would bring him some comfort as well. Those are the people my funeral service would be for, not me. My brother is also atheist and if he were to die, there is also no way I would step in and tell my mother, "He didn't believe in any of this crap, take the religion out of this." I've attended funerals for friends who were not religious who I know did not die thinking they were going to some sort of Christian heaven, and their funerals were filled with Jesus, god, and the after life, through the words of a preacher or a priest and various family members and it did not bother me. I had my memories of the person and that is what mattered. My religious family members and friends can have the religious service they want. I already know that when I die, whatever friends I have left at that time will all meet up after the funeral at the closest bar for drinks and share the stories of some of my craziness in life. I'll let that be my non-religious service and that is what I would prefer over some sort of formally organized atheist service mimicking a religious service.
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The funeral home is a contractor paid to do as it is told by the person in charge. Mortuaries do not determine the services held, but the do have a lot of prepackaged trappery available for their customers who may not know just what they want or who may be too tied up in grief to make real decisions. In this case, it is the family who made the real decisions and that is who you should focus your concerns upon. Your friend could not control his family, especially when he was not present and so they did as they wished. If there is not an executor with the power to enforce the wishes of the deceased, this often happens. Would an atheist who is not present or conscious during the proceedings really care? One wonders.
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I have mixed feelings on a little religion in a funeral for an atheist. I attended one of these a couple of years ago where the guy was a known atheist. It kind of made the whole thing a joke to a lot of us. I realize it brought some comfort to his family but come on, the guy was an atheist and if you believe your religion he is burning in hell. How long can they live a lie about him and what happened to his soul.
Reading your post made me really think about it and I have to say it was pretty thoughtless of them to insult his friends who are atheist, of which there are many.
This is something I need to think about a bit more.
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And I completely forgot the most important thing.
Sorry for your loss of a friend, been there done that and it can be hard to deal with.
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Actually, happyschizoid, there are many who would say that "if you believe your religion," as you put it, your friend is resting in the loving arms of a forgiving God.
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I don't want to turn this thread into a religious debate but read Mathew 12:31-32.
He has done this many times.
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I understand and respect what some of you have said about funerals being for the living who mourn. you are the majority. I won't debate this or try to make an issue out of it by presenting my views. Neither are wrong and lead to good things.
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When my brother killed himself...I could not keep my mouth shut and let everyone have it when the fucking priest started in about the "sin" of suicide....grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
My brother was an atheist and he had to struggle to go through the steps he had to take to marry his Catholic girlfriend (and her family).....
I have nothing to do with any of them anymore because of what happened. I was an asshole at the service and again at the grave...and I meant everything I said to all of them. Someone had to say it.
I think funeral services designed for atheist would be great. When two of my friend's daughter died suddenly from a brain aneurism.....her mother decided to not have a church service and instead have one at the funeral home because so many of her daughter's friends were gay and she didn't want them to feel unwelcome at her service.....
There were so many people there...the place was packed and the line went around the block....
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Well funerals are about lies.
Every one I have been to this year (what six, seven? I'm losing count), everyone lied through their teeth and painted the people in a light which was not altogether true.
1. He was a charitable man, giving to many charities.
Um no, it was called tax breaks, if it weren't for taxes no one would have gotten a single dime.
2. She loved everyone in her community....
Seriously, she told me how much she hated so many people I believe that she only loved about three people only, she loathed all of you! She even told me she hated me more than once
3. He dedicated his life to _________________( Enter job here)
Um no, he worked because you know money makes the world go round, and trust me I had been to enough of his drunken pity parties to learn just how much he loathed that job....
Lies - that are not designed to make the person laying in state look better, lies made to make us able to walk away feeling better about the fact that they are dead.
Saying an atheist was a good christian is no bigger a lie than all the others that people will say. Some of it out of ignorance, most of it is because no one wants to admit that the deceased was kind of a prick.
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) give a flying fuck about what's going on after they died. But the question here is, do you believe it could be a viable service for those looking for such services. That's what I'm asking. So far BA, PIX and Iceblink have indeed nicely put it together and so did you, but the question is very clear. I give the example of my friend, but I don't hold on to his family for bringing God and Jesus in the portrait because they were indeed religious and they needed it. The prearrangement was made with the funeral home and there was a very serious clause about it regarding religious references, but nothing to spare them from ordering a mass in any other church. He just didn't want it at the funeral. But hey, he's not suffering anymore and the family is grieving. But a friend, of mine came with the project and that's why I'm asking you guys.