Therapy

[Double007]

Hi,

I've decided that it might be beneficial for me to seek some therapy or counseling. In my search to find therapist or counselors, some claim to know a lot about sexual orientation or gay issues but some of these counselors do not appear to be gay and some are openly gay. I have some questions: Has anyone ever done therapy? Did you find it helpful? What re your thoughts on talking to a non-gay therapist verses a gay therapist about sexual orientation or social issues related to being gay?

Thanks everyone!

[Yume]

Huh... Well therapy can be useful depending on the person you are, and if that will help you... I know many people that have been to therapist and one of which is bisexual and he saw a therapist that was not gay or bi... He liked his therapist though. huh not sure if this has helped but I think it matters on what kind of person the therapist is, and how well they understand your psyche, so maybe a gay therapist? They won't be looking at sexual orientation from a books point of view at least... But still it depends on a persons understanding of the psyche

Hope this helped >,<

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Is the Pope catholic? Do Hens cackle? Oh I have a rather long list of therapists I have been too - a couple three I broke... When they quit the profession you know you have serious problems. :biggrin:



Did you find it helpful?

Yes... but not at first because I didn't use therapy, I didn't work it... I expected this to be like seeing a doctor where they order you around, throw pills at you and fix you.... Therapy is about suggestions and you working on yourself.

What re your thoughts on talking to a non-gay therapist verses a gay therapist about sexual orientation or social issues related to being gay?

Lynn was a straight woman, married with kids who was just gay tolerant... however she had worked with sufficient number of LGBT she had insight - and being outside of it she also had perspective which Tom didn't have.

Tom was gay, but he lacked the outside perspective, he was too close and gave me data as I would see it. He basically told me what I already knew, when often enough I needed to know the other side of the situation

So my conclusion that your therapists sexuality does lend them a certain perspective and no you do not always need the inside view (you got that), more often than not you need a tolerant person explaining to you what it looks like from outside.

I have no idea what you are seeking in a therapist.

But, its sort of like shopping for a lover. You and your therapist have to have a bit of chemistry, there has to be trust, and an ability to be open.

Mind, many gay men find female therapists to be easier to work with, no sexual tension and a few other favorable things.

Also understand that any therapist who works with gays bring with them not only their own personal 'stories' but the stories of all of their LGBT patients... so its not like you are talking to someone who is completely clueless about how gay affects the gay....

[Virge]

I've never been in therapy except what I had to go through for PTSD after Afghanistan. That didn't last long but I have nothing bad to say about it. I just realized that no matter how I cut it, 99.9%of the work dealing with the PTSD was on me and I needed to buckled down and get with it. Then on the other hand....

My man is a therapist and must be good cuz the few of his clients I've met love him. When he gets settled here in January he'll be involved in with a family medical practice dealing with everything from kids to relationships to stress management, grief counseling and even weight loss. From him I've learned that "old" doesn't always mean good with psychologists. They can become pretty cynical and burned out over time if they do the conventional hours and routines for years and years. That's why he's going to have a week off every six weeks to decompress and recharge his batteries. If it was me looking for a therapist I'd try a young one who hadn't been in the public mental health system and didn't have a good opinion of prescribing drugs.

[Gabriel]

My husband is a clinical psychologist. One thing he does that I think is good, he offers new clients a free first session in which the person can ask him any questions about his beliefs, theories, the way he practices, how he feels about certain issues, etc. The person can usually tell from that if there's any rapport between them and whether they feel comfortable with him. I don't know how many therapists do that.

I don't think it matters if the therapist is gay, straight, male, female. What's important is whether you feel comfortable enough with them to open up a dialogue. It can be a chancy proposition, finding the right person, so try to get as much information as possible about the therapist beforehand.

And yes, it can really help. It's a lot of work for you. Ideally, what a good therapist does is lead you to insights and give you the tools to manage your own life.

[Wolfpack]

I had therapy for anxiety and problems accepting my sexuality, I found it very helpful and my therapist was not gay but this was no problem for me at all, she was very informed and helpful. Therapy is not for everyone of course and it may not work for you the first time and of course a lot relies on what you yourself put into it. Good luck in whatever you choose to do.

[CellarDweller]

I was in therapy for a few months in 2007. It was after a break-up. We had talked about getting rings, and me moving to be with him. Not long after, I got the "we need to talk" conversation and I never saw it coming.

I was completely thrown for a loop.

Therapy was a great thing, it helped me focus, heal, and move on.

[Aike]

I don't think it matters if the therapist is gay, straight, male, female. What's important is whether you feel comfortable enough with them to open up a dialogue. It can be a chancy proposition, finding the right person, so try to get as much information as possible about the therapist beforehand.

This.

You might also want to check out what kind of a therapeutic school your therapist follows. It doesn't always make much of a difference but it's good to know that with a psychoanalyst you might get to talk about your relations to your parents more than with a therapist practicing cognitive behavioral therapy.

[Steve]

There are several good replies in this thread, I won't belabor them.

I've been in therapy for a long time. I've had many therapists and psychiatrists, and had group therapy as well. My conclusion is that that it doesn't matter one iota whether your therapist is gay or straight, man or woman. The only thing that matters is whether or not they're qualified and whether they're good at what they do.

Aike brings up a good point, investigate the person you seek as a therapist. It is difficult to trust internet responses, but it never hurts to check credentials. Unfortunately you won't know whether you have a good therapist or not until you begin sessions. My advice is be completely honest, telling all the details even if they don't seem to matter to you.

Listen to your therapist. More often than not, they're going to listen to you, so when your therapist actual says something, listen to it.

You get out of it what you put into it. After a respectable amount of time if you're not getting anything out of it, find a different therapist.

[East]

My therapist is the reason I have had a pretty decent adult life (after some really crappy years)...

She gave me the tools I need to deal with life and I use them to this day. I never had any issues with my sexuality. I struggled (and still struggle) with being an empath. It sucks....but I know how to handle it now thanks to her.

When you find a therapist...make sure you have some kind of chemistry and you like the vibe....