Hi everyone, I'm new here. I got a problem and I wanna know what's your advice...
The last 8months I been dating someone, and seemed like is going to be something serious. everything was going really good until I went to San Francisco on a trip with my family 2 weeks ago, I left and he stayed, I didn't saw him in those 2 weeks until this weekend, but he seemed different, he doesn't touch my hand or kiss me at all. Rarely touches me or kisses me, I stayed the weekend on he's place, but he didn't left his phone at all he was constantly checking the phone. Or taking pictures. And Saturday night he invited a friend to go out with us and he told me the guy was a foreign student and he invited him to make new friends. That he acted weir didn't touch me or kiss me, I felt like he was looking at me like if I was a friend not he's partner. And now I'm confused cause he stills acting weird, I feel him more distance. I tought maybe is cause he has stress at work and with he's ex (he got divorced last year)We used to talk a lot during the day, and now we're not, and I don't know what to do. I don't want to put all my feelings in someone who's not appreciate me and only wants to play around. I need some advice from you people. I hope I can get some help
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i'm sorry. the physical distance could show that he's found someone else, or is no longer as interested in you as he was before you left.
you could try and initiate the physical intimacy yourself though. have you done that? if he doesn't touch you, touch him and see how he responds to that. if he pulls away and still doesn't reciprocate then, it's most likely a bad sign.
you could talk to him too. ask him if something is going on with him, and that you've noticed the distance. you're absolutely within right to ask about things like that and should be in communication on such subjects with your bf/partner; and not do guesswork in the darkness.
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It seems like you moving might have affected him. But from what you've said so far, it could be anything. The best you can is sit him down and see what's wrong. Don't confront him, or it might make him feel like he did something wrong, but just say that you feel like he's be acting different lately and you're concerned about whether you did something or if there's something on his mind. I know it may sound scary to personally ask him, but don't look at this as a short term result, but in the long run, cause' asking us won't get you enough information to see what's wrong.
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I really hate to say it but from everything you have said above it appears to me that he has found someone else. I know that sucks and I wish I didn't have to say it but I think you need to know.
I would ask him outright and prepare yourself ahead of time for the answer. It hurts a lot to hear it ...but it will pass. I do believe when a door closes another one opens....
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On his phone...? Taking pictures of himself...? No doubt he's sending these pictures to someone else. And you're just sitting dumb wondering what's happening with him. I don't think he's sad either, but for sure he's not interested anymore, especially after a relatively short 8 months dating that got him bored. Sorry for being harsh, but such things annoy me as much as they annoy you...
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I don't know why but this situation reminded me of this from the Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam:
The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ,
Moves on: nor all thy Piety nor Wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line,
Nor all thy Tears wash out a Word of it.
The moving finger has written it out plain for you and all to read ...
and there's nothing you or anyone can do to change it.
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The best advice I can give you is for you to have an honest heart to heart talk! starting by telling him "what is wrong?
If he says "nothing!"
you reply
"You are not the same person I am used to?"
Do not raise your voice or let your emotions speak! just ask!!
Good luck!
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In those two short weeks he had time to figure out how he really felt about the 'us' you two had (past tense) and now he is unable or unwilling to tell you that he isn't interested.
You need to confront him, ask him why this change and what does it mean.
Lay it out to him, less talking, less touching and this odd behavior with this new guy.
Do try to keep your voice level and try to steer clear of accusatory phrases. THAT won't be easy.
However the least he can do is tell you if you two are or are not a couple. You need to know so you can start working on getting closure and move on. He needs to tell you to learn how to grow a pair and act like a mature adult.
And I might as well bluntly say it, this isn't going to end well. From what you said I would say that the chances are extremely high that yes he and this other guy are doing 'it' and what you had with him is 'over'.
Prepare for this to be the case, yet still hold some hope that maybe his grandmother died in a horrific fiery plane crash and his mood has been slightly altered from seeing her burnt carcass.
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That was very dark humour on Bowyn's part at the end of his post.
I'm afraid the way you describe the situation doesn't sound good. You've told us you were dating this man for 8 months, but you don't tell us anything about your partnership that can be useful. Did you live together, did you have a romantic relationship where sex was involved? Were you really intimate? Or have you been inventing this relationship in your mind? Was there a couple, an "US" as Bowyn said?
I was not convinced that you were both on the same page or even that you were a couple living in the same place.
Why did he not go to San Francisco with you? Was this an opportunity for him to reassess his engagement to you, or did he feel shunned by not being invited? Was it impossible for him to go because of work or because your family don't know about him? There are too many questions here for us to be truly helpful.
A good talk seems to be necessary if his attitude has changed, but maybe that time away from him has also made you come to your senses about him and you're now noticing things that he did before but didn't bother you. So maybe it's time to break up with him and start afresh?
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I'm betting he cheated on you while you were away. The first indicator of a liar/cheater is when they can't make and keep eye contact with you. WHy? Because he knows he's riddled with guilt!
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