I can't reach an orgasm during sex???

[Sanderson]

I'm sorry if this post is tmi, but this is legit.
For the first time, I was messing around with someone and we decided to try anal with me on top. I was hard but we did this for well over ten minutes and I wasn't really that close. We decided to try other things such as oral but I still couldn't I was just kinda close the whole time. I don't understand. I'm only 18 and I'v never messed around before. During masturbation I have absolutely no problems reaching an orgasm. Is this the reason that I can't reach anything during sex? If so, will cutting masturbation out of my life fix this problem? The guy I was with didn't care at all because it was still great for him. But for me, I'm confused why I couldn't get all the way since I never have this problem when masturbating. Any advice here would be great.

[East]

The problem might be the masturbation. It is difficult for a lot of guys to make the transition because in masturbation you control all of the variables and it can be difficult to adjust to having orgasms during sex.....

Another thing....you don't have to tell me what it is but pay attention to the things that make you orgasm during masturbation. There is probably something that specifically turns you on and if it is absent in your sexual encounters that might also contribute to the problem. That was a problem I had with some guys at first when I couldn't reach an orgasm. They didn't really turn me on as much as I had hoped they would.

Bottom line...I wouldn't worry about it much. If you start to worry you may create more of a problem than actually exists.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

No ass nor mouth is as tight as your fist.

Furthermore, your hand is calloused and harder than any hand or ass.

This combination coupled with you know your own dick better than anyone else means you know exactly how to 'rub one off'.

I suggest that you start masturbating while wearing a condom. Also learn some two finger teasing of yourself.

If you refrain from masturbating for a while, say a month, a lot of sensitivity will return to your glans and other activities like anal and oral will be more intense.

[MikeW]

Don't freak out.

Having an orgasm is a response to stimulation. Our bodies can get used to a certain kind of stimulation (whatever it is) and not having that specific stimulation can prevent one from getting close, let alone going over the edge. A lot of it just depends how "into" what we're doing we are. So there are a lot of questions:

How sexually experienced are you? How long had it been since you'd had an orgasm? Have you ever had an orgasm with someone doing other things, like oral, or mutual jo? When you masturbate, are you watching porn? Do you grip really hard and jerk yourself really fast? How sexually excited or turned on were you by your partner or by the idea of fucking him? Had you spent a lot of time -- or at least sufficient time -- in foreplay or did you pretty much just get right down to it?

The point being there can be any number of reasons why you couldn't reach orgasm during anal sex. For example, if you're body is used to looking at or watching porn and used to the rapid sensation of a tight grip, and/or you weren't sufficiently 'into' the idea or fantasy of fucking your partner, then it is perfectly understandable that you wouldn't 'get there'.

So, it isn't like there is something wrong with you -- its just your body hasn't yet associated that sensation with cumming.

I think it isn't uncommon for young guys to think that sex is just about getting off. Usually when young guys masturbate, they try to get it over with more or less ASAP. This may be because the opportunity for privacy could be brief so you learn to do it quickly.

So, my first suggestion is that you try to think about sex as something slightly different than an opportunity to just "get off". Yes, it *can* be that -- like having a quick blow job in a closet. But it doesn't have to be that way. It can be an opportunity to stimulate and get stimulated by a partner -- to in a sense 'edge' one another for as long as possible doing whatever feels good until you just *have* to explode all over the place.

You don't need to cut masturbation out of your life but you may want to cut back on the number of times you masturbate, or be sure not to masturbate for at least 24 hours before you have sex. You might want to change up what you do when you masturbate. Like, only use your imagination (no porn). Have you ever used a fleshjack? It is a different sensation. (I've heard it is possible to make variations of this at home but I've never done it so can't guide you on that prospect.) Have you ever fantasized about fucking as you masturbate and tried keeping that sensation close to what it would be like while fucking? IOW, thrusting your hips more than using your hand, varying the speed of your thrusts or your hand, having a different grip? Or, maybe you're more of a bottom than a top? Have you ever fantasized being penetrated?

Personally, there are some things that "get me off" more than others and the way I have sex is to just enjoy pleasuring my partner and all the different sensations and 'fantasies made real' which includes making out and foreplay, touching and being touched, looking, licking, tasting, smelling, sucking, biting, scratching, etc., etc., for as long as possible -- and *then* do whatever is necessary to have an orgasm. IOW, it isn't just about getting to orgasm ASAP.

[StingRay]

Everything thats been said already about jerking off is right. No ones said that doing it like youre making a porn flick is another thing. The shit they show in porn flicks isnt how to do it IRL and make it good for both of yall.

I wouldnt be complaining about taking ten minutes tho. Id be working on making it last longer than that.

[LJay]

"Sir, can you tell me how to get to Carnegie Hall?"
"Practice, practice, practice!"

[ChadCoxRox]

to any decently maturing man your confession that you sometimes worry about it taking too long and that you want to go as long as it takes and maybe even "time" how long you can make it last before you blow will be found courageous, endearing and attractive. Any other response will quickly tell you he's not the partner you hoped for and you can proceed accordingly. Either way, I can go a LONG time friend, sometimes hours, and it has certainly been a PLUS in my sex life rather than a minus like I thought it might be when I was your age. Relax. Be genuine and honest. It's the best policy.

[Maverick]

If this was truly your "first time", sometimes nerves and such get in the way. Don't stress about it though, next time you'll be more relaxed and more than likely you'll reach your goal.

[CuriousPhoenix]

Nerves can cause problems while having sex. Are you on any medication? Some anti-depressants have a weird side effect of not allowing you to orgasm or making you take a long time to reach an orgasm. I experienced that side effect. I thought it was cool cause I could last a long time but then I realized it wouldn't be fun if I couldn't reach an orgasm.

We get told so many times that men last like 5 minutes while having sex that sometimes it seems weird when it takes longer. Longer sex sessions are better!!

[Bluelight]

I used to be unable to reach orgasm during sex as well. Practice makes perfect, don't be afraid to tell them exactly what gets you off.