I have had friends FAIL to tell me to watch my step for : reasons. Such as the ones who failed to tell me that my ex of 14 years was actually cheating on me, or the ones who failed to tell me that a person I was pursing was as toxic as a landfill used for chemical, nuclear and bio-hazardous waste.
It is actually a lot more hurtful when you find out that these people who claim to be your friends didn't feel that you were worth the time and effort to warn of troubles ahead.
You need to go to your friend and say these words:
"I love this guy. He is everything I want in a partner. But damm It can be very frustrating to see a friend I have feelings for, be in a toxic relationship, and see him slowly deteriorating/changing from being sweet and affectionate to being bittered and practically helpless, because his partner is not putting his fair share, both emotionally and sexually, into the relationship."
If those words are familiar to you its because you said those words. You may modify the pronouns to fit the situation.
He needs to know how you feel, yes he needs to know how you feel about him and about his current relationship, especially if he is coming to you for advice. He needs to know that you have invested emotional interest in this matter and can't really give impartial advice.
He also needs to know he has a way out, another course he can take. He needs to know that you see personality changes taking place in him, negative personality changes and that it perturbs you to no end.
Somewhere in there you should also point out that logically, or intellectually (the mind and heart rarely agree) you do not desire to purse anything with him because you are not a home wrecker. You can tell him yo don't want to be candy on the side, whatever it is you feel about your place in this matter. But he does need to know that you love him and care about him.
You are making life choices for him by keeping silent. He needs all the data he can get to figure out what he wants to do in this matter.
Silence does a lot more harm than good.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
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Beaux's story was good and showed the right way to handle things (IMO)
I have a similar situation with 2 friends in a 3 yr relationship that's already got me caught in the middle. They both have been cheating ALOT and they both come to me to confess and brag about it.
Now add another good good good friend who's got the hots for one of the two cheaters. I can't tell him what I know about the guy he has the hots for without breaking confidence. I've just been begging him to stay out of it and take cold showers. hahahaha!
What's I'm saying Leandro is... you mentioned them being in "a relationship on the rocks" and a "toxic relationship" --- just make sure you look real hard to see how much of that the guy you're interested in is responsible for before you get involved in a situation and inherit problems you don't want.
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You're right about the rebound thing... Beaux's situation is maybe the exception rather than the rule. I'd be as supportive as you can during this time but hopefully he can take time to heal and understand his own role in their relationship not working out before diving into another one, because you run a risk of being neither friends OR boyfriends.
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[QUOTE=Beaux]I have had friends FAIL to tell me to watch my step for : reasons. Such as the ones who failed to tell me that my ex of 14 years was actually cheating on me, or the ones who failed to tell me that a person I was pursing was as toxic as a landfill used for chemical, nuclear and bio-hazardous waste.
It is actually a lot more hurtful when you find out that these people who claim to be your friends didn't feel that you were worth the time and effort to warn of troubles ahead.
You need to go to your friend and say these words:
"I love this guy. He is everything I want in a partner. But damm It can be very frustrating to see a friend I have feelings for, be in a toxic relationship, and see him slowly deteriorating/changing from being sweet and affectionate to being bittered and practically helpless, because his partner is not putting his fair share, both emotionally and sexually, into the relationship."
If those words are familiar to you its because you said those words. You may modify the pronouns to fit the situation.
He needs to know how you feel, yes he needs to know how you feel about him and about his current relationship, especially if he is coming to you for advice. He needs to know that you have invested emotional interest in this matter and can't really give impartial advice.
He also needs to know he has a way out, another course he can take. He needs to know that you see personality changes taking place in him, negative personality changes and that it perturbs you to no end.
Somewhere in there you should also point out that logically, or intellectually (the mind and heart rarely agree) you do not desire to purse anything with him because you are not a home wrecker. You can tell him yo don't want to be candy on the side, whatever it is you feel about your place in this matter. But he does need to know that you love him and care about him.
You are making life choices for him by keeping silent. He needs all the data he can get to figure out what he wants to do in this matter.
Silence does a lot more harm than good.
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<---<< >>--->
I thrust a torch through the remaining aperture and let it fall within. There came forth in reply only a jingling of the bells. My heart grew sick on account of the dampness of the catacombs. I hastened to make an end of my labour. I forced the last stone into its position; I plastered it up.
[COLOR="DarkRed"]Thank you Beaux! all so true! It breaks my heart to see someone that is so nice feel being stuck in a relationship that seems to be falling apart and making him basically bored! it is not fair because I've been there. My ex was not necessarily a bad person, but his lack of enthusiasm to improve did make me feel very bad for the relationship and bored to death. Lucky for me he finally realized that I was not happy in the relationship anymore, so he broke it off over a phone conversation, if you believe that!?[/COLOR]
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[QUOTE=virge]Beaux's story was good and showed the right way to handle things (IMO)
I have a similar situation with 2 friends in a 3 yr relationship that's already got me caught in the middle. They both have been cheating ALOT and they both come to me to confess and brag about it.
Now add another good good good friend who's got the hots for one of the two cheaters. I can't tell him what I know about the guy he has the hots for without breaking confidence. I've just been begging him to stay out of it and take cold showers. hahahaha!
What's I'm saying Leandro is... you mentioned them being in "a relationship on the rocks" and a "toxic relationship" --- just make sure you look real hard to see how much of that the guy you're interested in is responsible for before you get involved in a situation and inherit problems you don't want.
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Thanks Virge! believe me whenever we get together which is at least once a week, I ask him a lot of questions that may not be directly related to his relationship, but helps me reveal his true character and intentions. I can tell you that his partner lack of interest and depression have nothing to do with my friend. Did I mentioned that his partner is dealing with some manageable non life threatening health issues of his own? thus the lack of intimacy and not wanting to do things together with my friend! but hey I know friends with same health issues, take their medicine, eat healthy, but manage to have healthy relationships!
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Always let your friend know that you will be there for him through thick and thin...but recognize that this may have been the same pact that he made with his current partner. So you can tell him that if he ever is free, you'd like to be there for him...but that you will never be the cause of him feeling guilty and conflicted on top of everything else because he develops a sexual and emotional relationship with someone else while still partnered.
In times of emotional stress and wear, people can let themselves go and become involved with someone else while still partnered. This can be very destructive.
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