Feeling Trapped

[Camfer]

As soon as you stop ALLOWING him to control you, he will not be controlling you. Live your life. Take a road trip with a friend. Go out for drinks and a movie with friends. Let him adjust to you living your life. Have a plan to stay at a friend's place for a few days in case you need to make a quick exit. Have your own bank account and save a lot of money now while you can. No one in their right minds trades happiness for material possessions.

Consider being out to people. It's going to be a heck of a lot easier if you have to make a transition from this situation if people know who you really are.

If you have to leave, you might have been in a common law marriage and be entitled to some money and property. An initial consultation with a family law attorney is free.

[SilverBullet]

When he's gone on the road for a few days, I feel great but as soon as I hear him pull up in the driveway...I get a knot in my stomach

^^^This is NOT good^^^

I agree with the advice everyone has given you

I agree with east,

That one line he quoted sums everything up.
If I were you I would work on being independent.
WHILE doing that, I would try and work out the relationship, something as small as a misunderstanding can start a war. Make sure everything is in the light, on both sides before ending up with your final calculation.
And as said before, no matter what you do, you will probably regret it at first but just remember this.
"I am a competent individual, I weighed my choices and came to a conclusion with the information I had at the time."

I would probably take a road trip for a week if possible (pick a week he is home) as to give him time as well.
and I would spend all that time deciding my future and have a little fun thrown in to give your mind a break every once in a while.

With all that being said, wether or not you remain with him, your final decision should be easier than a math algorith or a week long debate with yourself.
Ask yourself first and foremost "Do I love him"
if no, then leave asap
if yes ask yourself "can I be happy with him"
^^^ that "can" in the question is very flexible I would at that moment think of the minimum it would take to obtain happiness and set that minimum in stone.

[Mercutio]

Thank you everyone for your advice. I want to try couples counseling before I consider leaving. I really do love him and I want to believe that he still loves me. We both have things that we need to discuss & change and that's why I need someone there to keep things under control otherwise it's just going to turn into another argument. I'll let you know how it turns out.

[TwisttheLeaf]

Everyone has been giving really sound advice. I see that you want to try couples counceling before leaving. I'd advise you to start getting some independent things in order for yourself that you can keep even if you do stay together. For example, a bank account in good standing of your own that he doesn't have access to. Your own vehicle, etc.

These things, in one form or another, are survival necessities in -most- places. Don't let those necessities end up being something that ends up trapping you in a very real, very serious way.

[ShiftyNJ]

Everyone has been giving really sound advice. I see that you want to try couples counceling before leaving. I'd advise you to start getting some independent things in order for yourself that you can keep even if you do stay together. For example, a bank account in good standing of your own that he doesn't have access to. Your own vehicle, etc.

These things, in one form or another, are survival necessities in -most- places. Don't let those necessities end up being something that ends up trapping you in a very real, very serious way.

QFT. start your own account and start squirreling money away, a little at a time if need be. Maybe get a PO box and have the bills sent there, or go for paperless (assuming he doesn't also read your email).