try agian?

[CellarDweller]

Their assumptions doesn't = you lying. Just BE gay, and "out".

I agree with borg! You're not lying, they're refusing to see the truth.

[MakeDigitalLove]

we are but I hardly use facebook anymore. thanks for the replies, I'm just kind of lost right now. I don't feel like I should have to come out but everyone assumes I'm straight and I hate lying to everyone. I wish I could move without anyone knowing and just start over.

You can't do much about people assuming because it comes from people who don't really know any better when it comes to homosexuals. As long as you are comfortable with who you are and like who you are and aren't pretending to be something you're not, then there isn't much you can do about the assumptions.

The assumptions that people have aren't the fault of your own, it is the fault of society needing to put things in a neat little box because there are too many people who are too lazy to get to know one another.

[MikeW]

Do you need to announce and get validation to take a dump, or do you just do it regardless of others opinions?

Quite the analogy you got there, Borg69 :eek:

N E WAY . . . I do agree. I agree that you should let her know you don't appreciate the comments, too.

If you're going to communicate with her about it, I strongly recommend you not use text. I don't know, maybe I'm just old school, but to me texting something like that just trivializes it. For you coming out is a BFD and she, apparently, either isn't getting it or is in denial. But I think if she saw how you are feeling, your discomfort and need for reassurance and support, she might respond more appropriately.

You've been around this forum longer than I have but I'm curious about how you've gotten yourself twisted up in knots. Most people do it, so it isn't that it is unusual but it seems like they're very tangled for you. Can you imagine yourself just not *caring* (at least not much) *what* other people think about your sexuality? It's something I see SO much… so many gay guys who have less than positive self images and are SO insecure about themselves. I know it comes from growing up in a hetero-normative culture but there comes a point where one has to begin feeling good about one's self, as one is. Sometimes it takes a lot of positive reinforcement from professionals and peers to do it, but the sooner one gets working on it the better.

I think you're in the perfect position to just BE the way you are and let everyone else deal with it however they do. You don't owe anyone an explanation for who you date or have sex with or any of that. It's your life. My experience is, the more comfortable I am with myself the more comfortable other people are with me.

You are who and what you are and you have every right to be who and what you are and to demand -- just through your own self-acceptance (i.e., doesn't necessarily have to be some bold verbal statement) -- other people respect you just as you respect them.

[ceez]

I do live with her and two other family members, they sort of depend on me for financial reasons and to keep up with the house and lawn. I am planning to leave the beginning of next year, they will be able to handle the financial part. I wish I could just not care anymore about it but I always think of the worst possible outcome. plus because I do seem straight I have a unique opportunity to find out how they really feel about gay people. it's usually a negative response, like my grandmother who believes we're all pedophiles and my uncle who calls gays half a man. I don't have anyone special in my life, there aren't to many places here to find someone and being closeted just makes it harder. I have been planning on seeking professional help, it's something I have been trying to deal with on my own but it's just getting worse.

[LEANDRONJ]

The day you find someone to be yourself with, is also the day when you no longer need your family's approval for who you are! having said that I can definitely understand why you feel so hurt. It is hurtful when you help and care for those who don't approve of who you are!

There was a short period in my life where I also helped my family financially, cared for them, and loved them unconditionally! during the same time I was also starting to come in terms with my sexuality. Although unlike your case, I was the one who was more fearful about accepting my sexuality, not because of the fear of not being accepted by my family, but more so of not finding quality gay men to date, and them not being relationship material. I struggled with this for many years, until one day I found someone I felt in love with.

That first love experience reversed all of my disillusions and fears about ME being gay, and my regained confidence at being fully capable to love. Once I overcame those fears I also regained the confidence to share that inner happiness with my whole family. I was raised with a high sense of morals and values by a very loving and supportive mother, who was more concerned about me getting hurt or catch STD then the fact of me being gay! I hope my story helps! hugs

[Jason74]

I find that it is so weird that straight people think that when you are gay that you cannot be masculine and into sports. I mean I think I am somewhat masculine and I enjoy sports pretty much, everything except for Tennis, just can't get into that. I also have no fashion sense as well which is bad for me down the road if you know what I am, lol.

Well back to the Original Poster I think that you should just go to her directly and find her in person and take her out for dinner and just be honest with her and sit her down. She might be religious but if she truly cares for you then religion will go in the backseat when she is with you. I told my family on my dads side and they are so religious, one is a minister in the salvation army and the rest are very religious as well too so when I came out they didn't agree with my lifestyle but they accepted me still which is amazing.

I say just be honest with her and if she keeps saying the comments like she is just tell her to stop and that she knows it doesn't fit who you are. I wish you the very best and hope it works out for you and you can stay close to her.

[Virge]

Take a minute to add up the amount of days, hours and months it took you to accept yourself as being gay and coming out to people...and all the people you talked to for support during that time.

That was just you dealing with YOU.

It looks to me like you have an honest relationship with your sister for her to express her shock so easily. She didn't put up the same happy face she does with other gay people she knows. You're closer than the others.

She needs at least as much time and support to accept you as gay as it took you to accept yourself.

That's something they teach 'kids' in PFLAG about dealing with parents and family.

[MikeW]

...I have been planning on seeking professional help, it's something I have been trying to deal with on my own but it's just getting worse.

There's nothing wrong with seeking professional help. I sure as hell needed it when I was around your age and re-arranged my whole life to get it. Had I not, I probably wouldn't even be alive. Sometimes we need to dig a bit to find out what is really going on… how our families have robbed us of our personal power and our ability to shape for ourselves an independent life worth living. The right kind of professional help gives us more confidence and the tools we need to deal with the emotional contradictions of growing up "square pegs" in a world full of round ones. It's a revelation to discover there's nothing "wrong" with us, we're just shaped different.

It's also a revelation to discover that our sexuality may not be THE central issue. At least I know it was for me. The messages we get from family and community to conform isn't limited to sexuality -- its everything.

So, focusing on the worst possible outcome is inherently limiting. Understandable, but limiting. What about the best possible outcome(s)? What about focusing some equal time on those? What happens within the mind when we begin to break free of our conditioning -- again, not only about our sexuality but *everything*? Do we fully understand that everything in life begins in someone's imagination? To have something we need not only to want it, but imagine having it? How did we get conditioned to imagine only the worst possible outcome? From whom did we learn that? What happens when I try to imagine other, more positive outcomes? What is limiting our ability to see alternatives? Are we keeping ourselves safe but imprisoned? Are risks ever worth taking?

I'm just putting questions out there to contemplate and as examples of what happens when the mind is freed up a bit, given the opportunity to explore and color outside the lines of social convention. Again, you have a right to demand respect from those who demand yours. Getting it doesn't necessarily mean making some heart wrenching confession. It could mean that. It could also mean just being who you are and sticking to it with no apology or explanation offered.