Feeling sick.....

[East]

OK...I have to get this off my chest........

I think I am going to go and get the paperwork today for getting married. I feel sick to my stomach. I have a lot of weird ideas/fears about entering into this institution that I don't like or trust. I don't even know where to start...spent years and years fueling these fears....

I feel like marriage equals death for some reason. I know a lot of straight guys have this same thing...I also feel like it will ruin everything. There are a lot of other things that bother me as well but I don't want to indulge all of my bullshit...just need to release some pressure so I don't feel so sick to my stomach

It doesn't help at all that at the beginning of the month I had a flu shot for the first time. I never wanted one because I am 57 and have never had the flu...but after I got it I started getting sick with a severe sore throat and nausea...I keep telling myself that it is just a coincidence and that the flu shot will "save my life" when I really think it will help end it.

So...my boyfriend wakes up in a nightmare last night ...he dreamt I had died and there was nothing he could do and he had no legal rights...and so I know it is time now. I do believe those kinds of nightmares are based on subconscious fears....and I love him more than I hate marriage.....

My friends who have been together for 36 years just did it and we talked about it of course...one of them jokes about everything...and we both have the same fears about them rounding us up like Nazi Germany...it wasn't so long ago that it happened and it definitely can happen again.

I also know if I don't do it NOW I will put it off ...forever...so I am taking the plunge.....

Next year we will be together 30 years.....we have a very good relationship that I fear will be compromised....(feeling sick again).....

Ahhhh......wish me luck please.....

[matty7]

quick question - if, god forbid...something happened to your boyfriend and you had no rights at all about funeral arrangements, where he was laid to rest, and when the day finally comes - would you be put to rest besides him - if any of those things make u sick to your stomach then getting wed has to be a positive thing for both of you..

as for the flu shot and you getting sick - you are actually injected with an extremely small amount of the virus to help your anti body's recognise and know to fight it, many people do get slightly ill after the jab, its normal

[Rareboy]

As a fellow sufferer after the flu shot this year (I have a cold on top of a stiff neck and low grade fever.....) and feeling really uck today....I think your perspective on getting marriaged is definitely affected by your blahdom.

My partner and I have been together for over 33 years and never felt the need to put a ring on it....over the years we have created all the legal arrangements that mean that it isn't a necessity...and we live in Canada...so we don't ever think that the country will try to undo same sex marriage if we ever do decide to do it for some reason.

There is no reason that a 30 year relationship should be compromised...I know that it is nice to think that you've stayed together through thick and thin out of choice every day and not felt bound by a legal agreement....but honestly, in the US...I would get marrried in a heartbeat if we lived there in order to protect ourselves.

Congrats, by the way.

and hope you feel better. as I said in the ntabcb thread.....i've lost the will to live.......

oh. ps. the flu shot this year is apparently not going to be particularly effective for the strains we will will be seeing. It has something for H1N1.....I understand we're going to be seeing H1N3. crap.

[Wolfpack]

I am sure everything will work out just fine for you and i think at the moment you are just feeling overpowering anxiety from the prospect of getting married. But when you and your partner do tie the not i bet you will both feel really great and positive about it. Try to concentrate on the future and the happy times you will have together.

[BlueStar]

Oh East...
To escape your fears, or to overcome them. Your choice.
You know, marriage is all about papers and legacy, none that will affect your relationship.
Best of luck

[East]

quick question - if, god forbid...something happened to your boyfriend and you had no rights at all about funeral arrangements, where he was laid to rest, and when the day finally comes - would you be put to rest besides him - if any of those things make u sick to your stomach then getting wed has to be a positive thing for both of you..

as for the flu shot and you getting sick - you are actually injected with an extremely small amount of the virus to help your anti body's recognise and know to fight it, many people do get slightly ill after the jab, its normal

Good point matty...and yes...that does make me sick thinking about what could happen in case we don't get married. I do the shut down thing when I think about it but I KNOW I have to face all of my fears and do what I know must be done......I will get there today to at least start the process...

Hey!..that made my stomach a little less sick...at least momentarily...so thanks

[East]

As a fellow sufferer after the flu shot this year (I have a cold on top of a stiff neck and low grade fever.....) and feeling really uck today....I think your perspective on getting marriaged is definitely affected by your blahdom.

You might have a point though I felt this way about marriage forever...my general sick feeling after the shot has left me very blah. I also have another kidney stone which brings on fever and chills and all that lovely stuff and so the two things are intertwined...and they definitely affect my mood

My partner and I have been together for over 33 years and never felt the need to put a ring on it....over the years we have created all the legal arrangements that mean that it isn't a necessity...and we live in Canada...so we don't ever think that the country will try to undo same sex marriage if we ever do decide to do it for some reason.

I have the will and legal papers where he inherits everything and has my power of attorney. ect...but that is not always enough. I was actually hoping that the common law thing in California extends to gay people and would just "take care of it" somehow....but I know what I have to do. The other thing...he has always wanted to be married to me...from the time we first met....I think I owe it to him for putting up with me for so long. I can be a pain in the ass

There is no reason that a 30 year relationship should be compromised...I know that it is nice to think that you've stayed together through thick and thin out of choice every day and not felt bound by a legal agreement....but honestly, in the US...I would get marrried in a heartbeat if we lived there in order to protect ourselves.

Yeah..I know I have to do it to protect him and everything we have ...and to give him the legal recognition necessary to make important decisions....and vice versa for me as well

Congrats, by the way.

Thanks!

and hope you feel better. as I said in the ntabcb thread.....i've lost the will to live.......

I'm sorry you are feeling like that....I can relate at the moment.....I hope you feel better too.....soon...

oh. ps. the flu shot this year is apparently not going to be particularly effective for the strains we will will be seeing. It has something for H1N1.....I understand we're going to be seeing H1N3. crap.

YIKES...a new strain of the killer flu....I wonder if they will make a new vaccine for it now...or if they have to wait a year?

[Beaux]

Congratulations and welcome to the club my fired! That is all I am going to say....for now!
Xoxoxo,
~Beaux

[East]

I am sure everything will work out just fine for you and i think at the moment you are just feeling overpowering anxiety from the prospect of getting married. But when you and your partner do tie the not i bet you will both feel really great and positive about it. Try to concentrate on the future and the happy times you will have together.

Thanks Wolfpack...I have so much anxiety both at the moment and for many years on the subject that I rarely stop to consider to positives....

Oh East...
To escape your fears, or to overcome them. Your choice.
You know, marriage is all about papers and legacy, none that will affect your relationship.
Best of luck

Yeah......I am not sure I will overcome them but I am definitely going to face them and hopefully they will fall by the wayside in the process.

....and Thanks BlueStar!

[East]

Congratulations and welcome to the club my fired! That is all I am going to say....for now!
Xoxoxo,
~Beaux

Thanks Beaux I remember when you asked us here a few years ago about whether or not you should meet him again and have dinner.....

...are you happy that you got married? I know you were together before as well...did it change anything?