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I don't have the facial hair anymore, the picture that you see to the left is the most recent picture taken like three or four days ago. I thought that the beard didn't fit who I am trying to be and I just needed a change, I have had the beard for the past 2 winters and gave it up. Kind of thinking it was a bad mistake but its all good. I am going to get a second job to save up some money and the place that I am working doesn't allow beards so its all good.

I so wish that I could be more feminine on the outside but I am not sure how to start other than dressing in female clothes and perhaps buying a wig and so forth. I feel like all my feminine features are inside my soul and that is it. I really wish that I didn't look like I do right now, I wish I was more feminine outgoing and what not and had those manners. I look at some gay guys that are a tad femme and I get so jealous of them and wishing that I was that way.

Yeah I think for now on I am not going to get so caught up in what the folks at the forums say or think. Some of the forums are fun to go to, to get advice on things like clothes and wigs and all that fun stuff that I seem to be sol interested in these days. I also have heard that getting on hormones doesn't take that long and after a few meetings with a gender therapist that it can happen. That is the big fear that I have right now is if I do go on hormones and all the changes that happen.

God I would love to become so feminine in so many ways and that it would be a dream come true. I know this may sound strange coming from me since I do look masculine and manly and what not but that is just how I feel. I mean I don't know if I will ever be able to afford the surgery for below but I sure do think about it alot and to be the real thing would be amazing. So perhaps breasts will be as far as I get, who knows. So overwhelmed with emotions right now.

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