Would you go out with a Disabled person?

[zeon]

Well to the most part my condition is an invisible one at times too.

Whatever ya disability is babes we will all support ya 150%

kind regards

Zeon x

[sweetlad86]

Awwwwwwww Thanks mwah xxxxxx

:heartline:

[marshlander]

I guess that for most people the whole deal is somewhat situational. By that I mean that a majority of the so-called "able-bodied" do not knowingly come into contact with disabled people on a regular enough basis to be able to form any relationships with them. On the other hand, there are meeting places and support groups for people with particular conditions. Until those living with disability can feel comfortable moving away from people more like them I guess that many friendships and other relationships will continue to have their origins within the clubs and support groups that exist for every condition.

I'm aware that my own relationship grew out of a similar ghettoised thinking. Although we may have been brought up in different countries, Albert and I tend to converge in matters of age, interests, mobility, academic attainment, work choices and experience, attitudes to family, our place in the world, politics, food, drink and plenty of other things besides.

For me, the opportunities for meeting disabled people are usually limited to groups with whom I work from time to time, whether it be running gamelan or hand-drumming workshops for the local deaf club, samba workshops for the local Asperger's group or for adults with learning difficulties or music technology composition sessions for people with mental illness or severe physical disability.

Perhaps I don't get out enough, but generally I am not aware of seeing disabled people in the places where I go for r and r and I would imagine that my experience of being with a range of people has at least raised my awareness to a minimal level.

[joseph]

a bad thing about being disabled somtimes it is hard to go to place like the pub and shops by youself .and cant do somethings. it miht have to be with your mum or a worker. so it is hard about making frinds and boyfrinds.somtimes you can only get much frineds at sevices and them are not gay usally :frown: hard getting a boyfrind.

[marshlander]

a bad thing about being disabled somtimes it is hard to go to place like the pub and shops by youself .and cant do somethings. it miht have to be with your mum or a worker. so it is hard about making frinds and boyfrinds.somtimes you can only get much frineds at sevices and them are not gay usally :frown: hard getting a boyfrind.

Thanks again, Joseph. I've learned a lot from what you have written in this discussion. mile:

Where does this useful sharing of information get us :confused:

[joseph]

what did you mean sorry about thatmile:

[marshlander]

I was just wondering if what we have talked about here answers sweetlad's question or makes it easier for disabled people to find partners.

I think it probably doesn't help much ...?

I am aware that I am avoiding making a personal commitment to do anything useful. Yet, unless someone (or more likely all of us) does something, what is going to change? For example, zeon has committed us all to "support" sweetlad "150%". What does that actually mean? What is the difference in sweetlad's life if I only support him 0.003% rather than 150%?

One friend on here went through something of a crisis recently and the best I could do was write a message ... :frown:

It's at this point I feel a rebuke from Shadow coming on telling me not to think so hard

[sweetlad86]

I guess that for most people the whole deal is somewhat situational. By that I mean that a majority of the so-called "able-bodied" do not knowingly come into contact with disabled people on a regular enough basis to be able to form any relationships with them. On the other hand, there are meeting places and support groups for people with particular conditions. Until those living with disability can feel comfortable moving away from people more like them I guess that many friendships and other relationships will continue to have their origins within the clubs and support groups that exist for every condition.

I'm aware that my own relationship grew out of a similar ghettoised thinking. Although we may have been brought up in different countries, Albert and I tend to converge in matters of age, interests, mobility, academic attainment, work choices and experience, attitudes to family, our place in the world, politics, food, drink and plenty of other things besides.

For me, the opportunities for meeting disabled people are usually limited to groups with whom I work from time to time, whether it be running gamelan or hand-drumming workshops for the local deaf club, samba workshops for the local Asperger's group or for adults with learning difficulties or music technology composition sessions for people with mental illness or severe physical disability.

Perhaps I don't get out enough, but generally I am not aware of seeing disabled people in the places where I go for r and r and I would imagine that my experience of being with a range of people has at least raised my awareness to a minimal level.

Right to answer this first post..

Marshlander you probably have meet disabled people with out knowing, most people try to hind there conditions similar to how gay,bisexual,lesbian people do, and there are so many differed condtions most of which are unseen. Its all to do with how people come to terms with you there are.

Most able boded people think all disabled people have to be in a wheelchair and helpless, thats not always true..
A lot of people say to me why don't I wear a badge saying you are disabled (doesn't that sound like some thing:mad, I use a walking stick, which I didn't use for years because I thought it was like wearing a badge lol.

I was just wondering if what we have talked about here answers sweetlad's question or makes it easier for disabled people to find partners.

I think it probably doesn't help much ...?

I am aware that I am avoiding making a personal commitment to do anything useful. Yet, unless someone (or more likely all of us) does something, what is going to change? For example, zeon has committed us all to "support" sweetlad "150%". What does that actually mean? What is the difference in sweetlad's life if I only support him 0.003% rather than 150%?

One friend on here went through something of a crisis recently and the best I could do was write a message ... :frown:

It's at this point I feel a rebuke from Shadow coming on telling me not to think so hard

What I can say to this post is your all helping me come to terms with my disability and sexuality, which I think has happened since I joined this site.

All I say is thank you for this help, it does really help chatting to you all, it does help me and others that read this and any of the others I've put asking for help and advice. some of my posts aren't always about me.

[fredv3b]

a bad thing about being disabled somtimes it is hard to go to place like the pub and shops by youself .and cant do somethings. it miht have to be with your mum or a worker. so it is hard about making frinds and boyfrinds.somtimes you can only get much frineds at sevices and them are not gay usally :frown: hard getting a boyfrind.

I think Joseph brings up an excellent point. There are two hurdles that disabled gays face. First, as he points out, there is the problem of actually meeting other gays socially in the first place. Second, as in Sweet Lad's original question, would able-bodied gays actually go out with disabled gays having actually met them?

I was just wondering if what we have talked about here answers sweetlad's question or makes it easier for disabled people to find partners.

I think it probably doesn't help much ...?

I am aware that I am avoiding making a personal commitment to do anything useful. Yet, unless someone (or more likely all of us) does something, what is going to change? For example, zeon has committed us all to "support" sweetlad "150%". What does that actually mean? What is the difference in sweetlad's life if I only support him 0.003% rather than 150%?

One friend on here went through something of a crisis recently and the best I could do was write a message ... :frown:

It's at this point I feel a rebuke from Shadow coming on telling me not to think so hard

The first problem is a complicated practical problem. How to improve disabled access to gay social venues. While internet based 'social venues' may be a part answer its no complete answer. Physical access to bars and clubs can be complicated. For example, making a gay bar install wheelchair access is fairly pointless if its impossible for a wheel chair user to get safely to the front door at night (edge of town centre locations, etc.). There are some disabled people who could not go to gay bars on their own (even with modifications) and will need someone to take them. They have got to find someone who is both prepared to take them, physically able at an appropriate time (i.e. not mid-afternoon mid-week) and not a 'social inhibitor'.

Marshlander is right. This discussion and 'support' doesn't actually change any of this. However talking about the need to change may be the first step towards making that change happen.

The second problem is about us and about our prejudices. Hopefully this thread may have prompted us to examine our own prejudices about disability, and may be we can prompt our gay friends to do the same.

This thread is, at best, a very small step towards improving things for disabled gays, it may not even go anywhere. However I don't know where else to start?

Fred

[princealbertofb]

You are right Fred. I know, I for one, hope that I am doing what I can to make our gay disabled friends online feel a little better about themselves. There's nothing much else I can do apart from a bit of pep talk and a boost to their morale and confidence, but then it's also a good step to take. If awareness IS the first step, then it will need to happen. to our friends out there, whatever their disabilities. They are teaching us, maybe, not to be "emotional cripples". (cf E.M. Forster)