concerned

[East]

I think with the overt sexuality in pop culture that is pretty much glorified that it would be normal for a kid that age to emulate that kind of stuff. When I was that age I idolized Janis Joplin...and had Southern Comfort in my locker at school....BAD IDEA I will admit but part of the growing up process....

I think it is cool that you have such a keen interest in his well being....you are a good mother....

I am not sure that the female role play indicates anything about his sexuality...alot of really cool straight men do the same....

Just let him know that you support him and love him...it means everything. He may not want to talk about anything and at that age privacy is a HUGE ISSUE....so... in some way let him know he is in an environment where he can trust you enough to talk about anything....

[EvenOlderButWiser]

You've added a very important piece of information to the discussion. Your home schooling him, and the reason for that is because your moving around a lot.

You've also mentioned that he's not going outside to communicate with others.

Im wondering if the two are not connected.

Most kids develop their social skills by being around other kids, developing their friendships as they grow and mature. He may not be getting the crucial interaction with other kids, because he doesn't have any other kids around him. Instead he is immersing himself into his online video gaming, where the whole world can be his friend (both good and bad, but we'll leave the bad stuff out of this for now)

How about getting him involved in things outside the home, clubs, boy scouts, photography, local community projects etc?

You need to balance his gaming interests with something outside. Don't take away or limit his gaming activities (assuming its not out of control like 20 hours a day) until you/he has identified something to fill the gap with.

For what its worth, I think your doing an awesome job of just giving him the reassurances he needs right now, regardless of his sexuality.

Just one word of caution, the internet is for more than just gaming, There is unfortunately danger out there, and you must not be blind to that fact. If he's just gaming, move the PC to the den or living room and out of his bedroom where he is behind closed doors.

[JackTX]

I know this site is for mainly adults. However. I am concerned about my 12 and 1/2 year old son. I have noticed withdrawal from him for about 6 month's now or so. I went in to tell him dinner was ready the other night and noticed he was playing what appeared to be a video game. When I asked him what type of game he was playing, he said a game where friend's get together and do silly stuff. I then noticed his avatar was a girl, no big deal, but he was chatting with these other kids? I'm assuming they are kids his age. Anyhow, I asked why he portrayed himself as a girl and not a boy.. He said he didn't know. I really wasn't concerned until I saw the things they were writing to each other , like, " I like the way you shake your booty" And things like that. I would support and love my son normally as I always have, even if he is gay or bi of course, but my bigger concern is how private and withdrawn he is. I don't want to sound over protective, but I don't feel he should be this sexual at 12. That's why I'm here to get an honest opinion, and not to over-react. I love my son, and don't want to push him away. But should he know his sexual preference at 12? Thanks to all who can give any advice.

I knew by around that age, and I remember chatting with guys online because that's all I could do. Not that I would have been running around sleeping with people at 12 but my friends were already starting to get girlfriends in school. If he's old enough to masturbate and is doing that, he's old enough to be thinking about sex. Do not underestimate the hormones.

My high school years were filled with frustration. My friends were all paired up and exploring their sexuality and I still didn't even know a single gay person. I may still have some hang-ups from that.

I'm glad you're concerned and want to help him. That's one thing I did not have. If you let him know he can tell you anything and maybe even drop some hints about being comfortable with gayness (if you are or think you could be if you found out your son was), he may open up to you if he thinks he's gay.

Good luck.

[MikeW]

I knew I was gay from a very early age. This varies a lot. Not sure what to say about his psychological state which you say is 'withdrawn'. Best thing I can suggest is have some quality alone time with him and see if there is some supportive way of getting him to talk about what is going on with himself. Often this isn't easy for kids for many possible reasons ... what's going on at his school? is he being bullied? is he having trouble with his lessons? a particular teacher? ... Just saying there can be all kinds of reasons, coming to terms with one's sexuality being only one of them. For sure at age 12 he is probably experiencing sexual feelings (whatever they may be). If he knows your brother is gay and you are accepting of HIM, chances are he knows you'll be accepting of his sexuality IF he is gay. But, still, 'coming out to one's self' is always the first step -- and for kids who are influenced by their peers and *need* acceptance, this can be very challenging. I know when it really *hit me* that I was gay, I felt fear, shame and all sorts of stuff -- like this meant my life was over.

In any case, *being there* for him, letting him know you love him unconditionally, may be the best you can do. Whether or not he will open up and share what is going on inside him depends on a lot of things -- like how comfortable he feels sharing stuff he fears (perhaps rightly) that you might disapprove of. And, again, this could be anything, not just sexuality.

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