something is wrong with people.

[wayward]

Not only is it a social taboo to help the destitute in the U.S.A., it is becoming illegal, which is reason for me to feel outraged. Kindness and goodwill illegal, makes me want to punch someone in the mouth. It feels as though much of the world is losing sight of what is sane and good.

[Virge]

My experience is that almost all people who are asking for money will tell you anything they think you will want to hear just to get it. Most do it to get money for drugs or booze. I ran into a guy this summer at a tire store with $5.00 and change trying to buy a used tire so he could get home. He didn't ask anyone for money and was getting ready to walk out of the store when me and another customer pitched in to buy him a new tire.

The people who really need help the most are the ones who are too busy trying to hold their lives together to be out panhandling for cash. A while back a panhandler at a gas station asked my for money to get him and his wife back to their home. I didn't give him any. Another man felt sorry for him but thought he was being smart and paid with a credit card at the register for $10.00 in gas. I stuck around like I was shopping and watched. As soon as the man who gave the money left the panhandler came in the store after pumping $1.00 worth and wanted the extra nine bucks in cash. The cashier said she'd refund it back to the man's credit card and the panhandler tried to argue with her about it.

The best example I can think of was once when in the marines with some buddies coming up on an old guy living in a torn up tent in the woods near a river. We were on the way back to the car when we found him. We offered him cash and he wouldn't take it. Instead he named off things he needed if we ever came back. Rice, some canned foods and razors to shave with, and batteries for his radio. We went to the store bought what he asked for and took it back with things he didn't ask for that we thought he would like to have. He was glad to see us and happy for the things we brought but he insisted we take back almost all the extra things we bought. He thanked us and gave us things he'd carved out of wood and animal bones. We had brought him a 12 pack of beer but he refused that and told us to drink it while he told us how he ended up losing everything and how we could keep from making the same three mistakes he made.

The first mistake he told us about was thinking we couldn't lose everything and end up like him. If you ever forget that then the next 2 mistakes are real easy to make.

[JackTX]

Dallas seems to have a good number of them too. I wish I was brave enough to try to feed someone directly. Finding charities that you're certain aren't wasting money is troublesome :/

[bluerealm]

My experience is that almost all people who are asking for money will tell you anything they think you will want to hear just to get it. Most do it to get money for drugs or booze. I ran into a guy this summer at a tire store with $5.00 and change trying to buy a used tire so he could get home. He didn't ask anyone for money and was getting ready to walk out of the store when me and another customer pitched in to buy him a new tire.

The people who really need help the most are the ones who are too busy trying to hold their lives together to be out panhandling for cash. A while back a panhandler at a gas station asked my for money to get him and his wife back to their home. I didn't give him any. Another man felt sorry for him but thought he was being smart and paid with a credit card at the register for $10.00 in gas. I stuck around like I was shopping and watched. As soon as the man who gave the money left the panhandler came in the store after pumping $1.00 worth and wanted the extra nine bucks in cash. The cashier said she'd refund it back to the man's credit card and the panhandler tried to argue with her about it.

The best example I can think of was once when in the marines with some buddies coming up on an old guy living in a torn up tent in the woods near a river. We were on the way back to the car when we found him. We offered him cash and he wouldn't take it. Instead he named off things he needed if we ever came back. Rice, some canned foods and razors to shave with, and batteries for his radio. We went to the store bought what he asked for and took it back with things he didn't ask for that we thought he would like to have. He was glad to see us and happy for the things we brought but he insisted we take back almost all the extra things we bought. He thanked us and gave us things he'd carved out of wood and animal bones. We had brought him a 12 pack of beer but he refused that and told us to drink it while he told us how he ended up losing everything and how we could keep from making the same three mistakes he made.

The first mistake he told us about was thinking we couldn't lose everything and end up like him. If you ever forget that then the next 2 mistakes are real easy to make.

you did the same thing at the bar when the guy was putting something into someones drink?

steps back....

[ShiftyNJ]

@Virge said:

The first mistake he told us about was thinking we couldn't lose everything and end up like him. If you ever forget that then the next 2 mistakes are real easy to make.

I think a lot of us rationalize that this will never happen to us, and thus the poor are a problem for someone else to deal with. The sad reality is many of us are only a few paychecks away from being in a very similar situation.

I know it is a crapshoot and there are alot of hucksters out there. Giving a food item is probably a better bet if you're not sure. I try to support the volunteer groups and agencies that actually know how to help these people instead of maybe making a bad situation worse, but -- as uncomfortable as it can be sometimes -- I try to be respectful.

[Virge]

you did the same thing at the bar when the guy was putting something into someones drink?

steps back...

Just come out and say what you have to say.

@Virge said:

The first mistake he told us about was thinking we couldn't lose everything and end up like him. If you ever forget that then the next 2 mistakes are real easy to make.

I think a lot of us rationalize that this will never happen to us, and thus the poor are a problem for someone else to deal with. The sad reality is many of us are only a few paychecks away from being in a very similar situation.

I know it is a crapshoot and there are alot of hucksters out there. Giving a food item is probably a better bet if you're not sure. I try to support the volunteer groups and agencies that actually know how to help these people instead of maybe making a bad situation worse, but -- as uncomfortable as it can be sometimes -- I try to be respectful.

I've commented more than just a few times on how I feel about charity and helping others and how much time (without mentioning the money) I put to it. From about 10 am Sunday to after 11 pm I was helping put together bikes, toys and furniture people in my town bought (including me) in our own efforts to take care of the less fortunate. I have no problems helping anyone but my 3+ years working with law enforcement taught me that most people panhandling on the streets or in front of businesses are really scamming people to get money for drugs, booze and sometimes gambling.

[East]

I give them money sometimes...and I don't care what they do with it.

If they are on the street there are soooo many reasons why that could be.,..mental illness is at the top of the list.

It is easy for me to put myself in their shoes and immediately see why alcohol might be a choice they would make.....

I do not judge them either way. If I have compassion or empathy for them...it comes with no strings....

[Lexington]

I read somewhere that Denver has the highest homeless rate of any US city. Not sure if that's still the case.

There are few panhandlers near my place that do quite well for themselves. One is a guy in a motorized wheelchair that we call "Buck". He parks outside one of three or four businesses and always says "How about a dollar?" (Thus the name.) He lives three blocks from me, in a building nicer than mine. There's a guy in his 50s, surprisingly clean-cut, who has a story about "falling on hard times". Once, I gave him $20 and told him "Look - I'm free to the line now. You don't ask me for anything anymore." He said "I'm going to pay this forward - thank you so much!" Three days later, he hit me up again. I told him "Dude, I gave you twenty bucks three days ago." He smirked and said "Nobody ever gave me twenty dollars - you're a fucking liar." He still hits me up to this day.

Sometimes, I'll try the tactic of buying them something. I don't mind adding a burger or something to my meal, and handing it to them on the way out. But I've had guys go into the restaurant with me, and just start ordering. One guy literally ordered over thirty dollars worth of fast food. After he finished ordering, I just said "OK, you got this one" and walked out, leaving him to pay for it. Not sure what happened after that.

I mainly donate to the shelters in town. They tend to do a good job. There's also a place nearby where you can volunteer to work - cooking or cleaning - in exchange for a meal. I tend to send people there. If they say "no, just give me money" then I tend to cross them off the list.

Lex

[Hardheaded1]

I'm really upset at the world and the way things are going. How people are becoming more soulless.

You might consider not wearing your soulless-colored glasses when looking around to assess the world. There are more people good than not.

In order to see the world as soulless, you have to start with some presumptions about their behavior. Many, many people help the poor, help the homeless, but do it in ways that are less likely to enable addictions or just plain old sloth.

Your man could yet be an addict and sunburned, or an exploiter and sunburned, and polite, so don't be so quick to jump to the conclusion that everything was as it appeared.

It is equally wrong to assume the people who moved away from him were heartless or indifferent to the poor. Some of the very same people may be regular donors to charities that do much more comprehensive work than the random dollar.

You did the "right thing" because it was the right thing in your eyes, but you are not in a good position to know much about the other parties in your scenario. Many people have no idea what money their parents give to charity. I might likewise be temped to dismiss the politics of Roman Catholics or Christian Fundamentalists, yet I am unable to deny the good that Catholic Charities does for the poor, or the medical work done by missionaries.

It is tempting to see the world simplified, in black and white, but it is not so absolute.