I have no idea where to even begin to look for a guy or how to even tell if a guy is gay or bi because "the gaydar" doesn't exist and I find myself looking at guys at my college but never acting on anything or even speaking to them because in the end no matter the person I always figure their straight and its a waste of time. The only answer I can think of is a club but that's not really me and I want to look into this side of me and give dating a guy a chance but I really have no idea where to begin. any tips or advice about what to do .
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Hey. It's really all a bit confusing with everyone these days. There's plenty of camp straight men, straight men who look after themselves well etc as well as "straight acting" gay men. Guess the best way is be friendly and get to know the guy?? Otherwise there's always gay dating apps.....lol
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Be friendly to everybody. Don't treat it like you're hunting prey.
If you are accepting defeat before you even try.....there's not much chance you'll meet anyone. I can't believe that if you are in college that there isn't some place where the gay guys kind of hang out. Like the cafe. Or the gym. Or in your classes.
What are you afraid of in approaching guys on a casual basis? That they'll brush you off? That they'll freak and think you're hitting on them? Smile lots. Use humour. Find common interests that you can use to initiate conversation. Accept that there will be some who are skittish and some who will brush you off....for all kinds of their own reasons. Keep at it.
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How out are you? Do your friends know? Is your fear of gay bars that someone will see you or is it just because you've not been to one before? If you're out then do you have any friends that could fix you up or maybe let people know you're single and available. If you're not out yet then I'd say try a couple of dating apps. You'll be able to see if there are people you might be interested in nearby and maybe go on a couple of dates and take it from there. You just need to take the leap and throw yourself out there. Either amongst friends or online, depending on how out you want to be or are. Best of luck with the search.
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Part of the reason I am shy is because im not fully out and am in that process of coming out and it is not that I have problem talking to guys I can make friends in a heart beat I guess most of the stress is from myself and because I come off as straight acting so I don't know how to transition. as far as fear of gay bars 2 reasons that yes I have never been and the major gay club in my city is actually combined with the major club so that doesn't help. Dating sites is one option I am considering it irony to because 1 of my old best friends who I did not know was gay is actually on the site I was looking at. Another good option someone brought to my attention is my colleges GSA club.
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Maybe you can get in touch with your old best friend and renew your friendship with him. An easy way to meet people is through people you know. You might have a friend to hang out with and you guys can chase guys together!
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Hi Drock91,
I have the same problem just like you. But a little different that I'm always bored when I talk to them. I have tried a lot of guys but they just keep me bored, yeah...
Back to your story, if you want to have a boyfriend, you have to come out. It's not necessary to come out with everyone, just some of your friends is OK. You could go to gay club and lurk some too but remember that not any guys in there want a serious relationship!
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