Do you believe in second chances? why or why not?

[meridannight]

[MENTION=21084]Virge[/MENTION], i'm a lot like you in that respect. i'm too tired to make a long post about it, but i pretty much agree with everything you said there. one thing i'll elaborate on, i'm also incapable of holding a grudge. i've never succeeded at it. i remember as a kid, i saw others be like that (hold grudges) and i kept wondering if i should be like that too, and why was i being so lenient (compared to others). but i just couldn't do it physically. it would just melt away after the anger faded. and later i realized that i was doing it right. it's not healthy staying mad and keeping hating on something/one for so long.

it also sounds like you're in a very mature and healthy relationship. that's really nice. i always pictured it like that for myself, if i ever find a guy. it's amazing that you've found someone like that and built something real.

[LutheranGuy]

There is nothing more liberating or powerful than forgiveness. Do it every opportunity that you can.

[Virge]

Thanks [MENTION=21405]meridannight[/MENTION] . I tend to tell it like it was all a romantic fairy tale but the truth is that is was TOUGH. When we met I was a horny inexperienced impulsive (almost 19) US marine and he was a 22 y/o Aussie surfer slut college student. Everything was against us. There was no future for us but I kept going back for more and he counted on me doing it. It took nine years for us to evolve and we nearly killed each other in the process. hahahahaha! We look back now and laugh about who we were back then and how much we've changed. the first 4½ years were as fuckbuddies when I had money and time to go be one. The second 4½ years has been "team us" As a team we started looking for ways to make it work out even though we had no idea how to work out all the things that were going against us. I thank all the gods that Jay is so damned smart and good at organizing. He's probably glad all he has to do is say, "this is what we need to get done but I don't think we can do it."... and all you have to do is tell me something can't be done and I'll prove you wrong just for the fun of it. When he said we could only afford to see each other twice a year I started working two jobs while going to school, picking up odd jobs doing anything and panning for gold, digging for gems to pay for 4 round trips a year.

Since we decided we were on the same team 4½ years ago the only fights we've had have been fun ones. We talk about everything and have a private blog we write with each other about things we don't want to say in person.

One thing we talk about a lot when were in 'lala land"... is how we wish everyone could find and build a relationship as easy as we have. Then we come to our senses and say "Holy hell! We can't wish our first 4½ years on anyone!" If he was as dumb and impulsive as I can be this would have never worked out. He is "all that" as far as I'm concerned and I never forget to let him know it.

[NerdMonastery]

I practice forgiveness mostly because it's not good to hold onto the bitterness.
Most of the time I'm quite happy to forgive but I never ever forget, not that I'll constantly remind them of it or use it as 'ammo' but they won't have my trust ever again.
It really depends on the person and what they did exactly. If they did something malicious for the sake of it then no there will be no second chance of the sort at all.
I'd also say that if I felt the reason they provide is bullshit or weak then I won't give a second chance either, but that decision will not be met until I speak about it with people I deeply trust.
The thing for me is that forgiveness doesn't necessarily mean automatic second chance because I feel that you can forgive someone for doing something without giving them a position in your life to be able to do whatever it is they did to you again.

Honestly, if I really felt I couldn't trust them again I would be happy to just cut them out of my life completely. Maybe that's just me though.
At the end of the day, I forgive to let go of what happened but forgiveness doesn't necessarily mean they are given a second chance.