Generalized and Social Anxiety
Capricorn
12-12-2014, 08:07 PM
I don't think of it in terms of "social anxiety" -- I'm an introvert and actually enjoy my alone time more than I do time spent with other people. For me, its just a fact, not a problem.
The 'anxiety' (fearful) part comes in when I'm in a situation that feels somehow 'overwhelming'. I learned long ago to avoid groups of people that numbered larger than 8. One-on-one is best, 4 to 6 is manageable, over 8 is problematic. To some extent it depends on the context. A dinner party of 8 or more to me just feels excruciating. However, I have been in group meetings that were well facilitated of 8 or more that, although initially met with trepidation, ended up feeling alright. The facilitation -- for example, seeing to it that everyone had an opportunity to express their truth -- made the difference.
When I was younger I was so locked up inside myself I could barely speak, even in a one-on-one. It varied with the circumstances, of course, but overall I just felt like a genuine fake no matter what I said or did. It took rather a long time to begin to understand that a lot of this stemmed from my own up-bringing where my unique attributes weren't acknowledged, let alone supported and encouraged. We develop a 'sense of self' based largely on how we are 'reflected' back to ourselves by people closest to us. If *they* don't *see us* for who we are and have appreciation for what they see and reflect that back to us in words and actions, we get a distorted 'self image' (reflection). We internalize this distortion and meet the world as if the distortion is the reality.
So, first thing (IMO) is to discover one's own truth -- what is true for you? This isn't as easy as one might think. Many of us avoid 'the truth of ourselves' for fear that that truth is less than flattering. But our truth, when we can find it, is the ground upon which we stand. It's a place of power from which we can meet the world without fear -- or, at least, with reduced fear. When I'm in my truth it matters much less what I fear others may think of me. I know where I stand. It can also allow me to let others have their own truth, their own ground, without it feeling as if doing so in any way takes away from my own.
In any case, [MENTION=21882]DreamMaker[/MENTION], fear not; you're not alone. The world is both a marvelous and terrifying place. The two taking together can be exciting (when not overwhelming). For me everything began to change when I realized I'm in this world to discover my own truth and that my truth isn't contingent upon whether or not it was shared with anyone else. For sure, it is nice when we find those who *see us,* who see our truth, accept it for what it is, and haven't any (or few) negative judgements about it. But the bottom line is, without self-knoweldge of what this 'truth' is, I'm much more prone to "social anxiety".
It is also worth mentioning, perhaps, that finding one's truth isn't a one-off thing; it is a process... a life-long process of self-discovery that isn't without its pit falls and obstacles along the way. None of us are perfect except that we are perfectly imperfect.
The 'anxiety' (fearful) part comes in when I'm in a situation that feels somehow 'overwhelming'. I learned long ago to avoid groups of people that numbered larger than 8. One-on-one is best, 4 to 6 is manageable, over 8 is problematic. To some extent it depends on the context. A dinner party of 8 or more to me just feels excruciating. However, I have been in group meetings that were well facilitated of 8 or more that, although initially met with trepidation, ended up feeling alright. The facilitation -- for example, seeing to it that everyone had an opportunity to express their truth -- made the difference.
When I was younger I was so locked up inside myself I could barely speak, even in a one-on-one. It varied with the circumstances, of course, but overall I just felt like a genuine fake no matter what I said or did. It took rather a long time to begin to understand that a lot of this stemmed from my own up-bringing where my unique attributes weren't acknowledged, let alone supported and encouraged. We develop a 'sense of self' based largely on how we are 'reflected' back to ourselves by people closest to us. If *they* don't *see us* for who we are and have appreciation for what they see and reflect that back to us in words and actions, we get a distorted 'self image' (reflection). We internalize this distortion and meet the world as if the distortion is the reality.
So, first thing (IMO) is to discover one's own truth -- what is true for you? This isn't as easy as one might think. Many of us avoid 'the truth of ourselves' for fear that that truth is less than flattering. But our truth, when we can find it, is the ground upon which we stand. It's a place of power from which we can meet the world without fear -- or, at least, with reduced fear. When I'm in my truth it matters much less what I fear others may think of me. I know where I stand. It can also allow me to let others have their own truth, their own ground, without it feeling as if doing so in any way takes away from my own.
In any case, [MENTION=21882]DreamMaker[/MENTION], fear not; you're not alone. The world is both a marvelous and terrifying place. The two taking together can be exciting (when not overwhelming). For me everything began to change when I realized I'm in this world to discover my own truth and that my truth isn't contingent upon whether or not it was shared with anyone else. For sure, it is nice when we find those who *see us,* who see our truth, accept it for what it is, and haven't any (or few) negative judgements about it. But the bottom line is, without self-knoweldge of what this 'truth' is, I'm much more prone to "social anxiety".
It is also worth mentioning, perhaps, that finding one's truth isn't a one-off thing; it is a process... a life-long process of self-discovery that isn't without its pit falls and obstacles along the way. None of us are perfect except that we are perfectly imperfect.
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