My boyfriend is a good man but...

[Anonymous]

Hello! Me and my boyfriend we are together for less than three months. He's nine years older than me. I met him on the Internet. He lives in another country and I'm supposed to move to him in February. Well, these are just facts. Now more about my problem. I feel like he's a very good person but I have some concerned. He's not educated and currently he lives on benefit and do internship but basically he doesn't know what he could do in his life. For him the most important is to just earn money. His lack of ambition somewhat worry me because I work, have a good job and want to develop myself. I don't mean he has to be rich but I feel more sucessful being much younger. The problem with his education is also that we don't have a lot to talk about. How long we can talk about sex, us and what I was doing during day. He doesn't have hobbies apart from watching TV. The last problem is that he wants to be "the head of family". I was looking for an older man to be responsible for both of us but I feel more mature than my boyfriend and I don't think his decisions are wise. He asked me to move to him to Ireland but he lives in a small town and I'm afraid I won't find such a good job as I have here. I don't know what to do. I know he loves me so much but do you think it's enough for our relationship to survive...?

[spencer]

Maybe you two can look for new hobbies and interests that you both would enjoy? Can you use your ambition to encourage him to pursue other interests he has? I'm sure there's more he would enjoy besides only watching TV. He might just need a hand. I don't know. I have a lot of ambition but my boyfriend doesn't really, but he's a very content person. It's our major differences I think that make us work as a couple. So I don't think the fact the two of you are vastly different means the relationship is doomed. I think it depends on what things are deal breakers for you. Maybe you can bring up that you feel like you two don't have a lot in common to talk about and say you want to look for something the both of you enjoy. So then it's an adventure.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

I think moving there completely, in one go, is a very bad idea.

How about you make it a two week vacation, see how things go and then make your decision about the longer term.

I'm not sure what you do career wise, but Europe in general, and Ireland specifically is still going through a really tough financial crisis. Jobs, especially well paid career jobs are difficult to find anywhere at the moment. I can't see it being much better in some small Irish village. That's just the reality.

There is nothing wrong with having career aspirations, but you will find it very hard going if he can't support those, and you will resent him for the "what if" situation if he smothers those aspirations.

If your European you won't have significant immigration issues. If your not European then that's a significant hurdle to overcome also.

Btw, I think the age difference is fine. I'm 10 years older than my so.

[Bhp91126]

You make it sound as if the 2 of you have never met. If that is the case, then take a huge step back and postpone the move to Ireland until you guys have spent some oneonone time together. Until you've met, you don't know whether there is physical chemistry between you or whether you don't get along sexually.

You already know you don't have much in common and not much to talk about, so what is the appeal for you? It is not shallow to want someone with a similar outlook on life, work, money, career etc as a boyfriend.

[ShiftyNJ]

You're considering moving to another country for someone you've never met in person and have only been talking to for three months?



I agree with [MENTION=16670]OlderButWiser[/MENTION] ... maybe go meet the guy, but DON'T give up your home or your job. Especially because you already see problems from this distance.

[TwisttheLeaf]

I also agree with [MENTION=16670]OlderButWiser[/MENTION]

If what you want is a responsible and -stable- older partner in your life to help take care of you (both of you) then maybe you haven't found the right man yet. Because this guy doesn't really sound like it.

Go visit. Check things out. If he's not what you're looking for, be HONEST with yourself, and with him. If he's not what you're looking for, stop wasting your time (and possibly a lot more than just your time if you move there, et al) and find someone who is.