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02-01-2015, 04:37 AM

Had a strange experience this week. Someone I went to high school with posted an article about a middle-school victim of cyberbullying who had committed suicide. I commented on it and mentioned that I had attempted to contact the principal of our school (now only K-8... the high school closed a few years after we graduated) as part of a cyberbullying education campaign called "Write Your Principal" and that the principal stopped replying to me when she found out why I was contacting her.

A few minutes later I got a PM from him telling me that he wanted to apologize for the way he treated me in high school. I don't particularly remember having a problem with this guy, but apparently he was doing or saying something and one of our coaches pulled him aside and gave him a stern talking-to that he remembers all these years later. He never did it again. Now his oldest son is being bullied in school and he said it reminded him of his own behavior. We were already FB friends prior to this and I don't know what prompted him to tell me now; I have to guess it was the above incident.

The next night, after I had posted something unrelated to our alumni page, I got a PM from another guy, in a similar vein. Again he wasn't someone I would have considered a serious tormenter, but he apparently had been plagued with guilt about the way he treated me and a few others (I found out later that he had reached out to at least one other guy too). We ended up talking for more than three hours (more, he pointed out, than in our entire four years in HS) and it was really interesting hearing what his life has been like. He became an iron worker and a volunteer fireman and was at Ground Zero a few days after 9-11.

I am sure some may be surprised that I was so quick to forgive them. But I think it took a lot of balls for them to approach me at all, and I grew up in a different time and place. I am sure they were acting the way they thought boys were supposed to act, and I was not. The fact that they see past that now is good enough for me.

Just thought that was a nice story to share.

02-01-2015, 04:47 AM

I used to be a bully myself and terrorized some classmates. We grew up and moved on, never seen any of them again. Last year there was a school meeting (after 10 years) I didn't go but my friends did, and told me a guy I used to bully talked crap about me in front of everyone. After that I decided to call him to apologize but he reacted very negative and bad, I regret I called him. I guess not everyone reacts the same even when the other part say theyre sorry.

02-01-2015, 04:50 AM

David3K Wrote:I used to be a bully myself and terrorized some classmates. We grew up and moved on, never seen any of them again. Last year there was a school meeting (after 10 years) I didn't go but my friends did, and told me a guy I used to bully talked crap about me in front of everyone. After that I decided to call him to apologize but he reacted very negative and bad, I regret I called him. I guess not everyone reacts the same even when the other part say theyre sorry.

I have not gone to any of my reunions (the official ones, anyway). But it has been a lot longer than 10 years so maybe I've had more time to get over it. It was nice of you to try, though.

meridannight · 02-01-2015, 05:52 AM

why would anybody be surprised? 40 years is way too long to hold a grudge. a year is too long. i'd find it surprising if a person hadn't gotten past what happened in high school by their 40s (earlier!). it's a nice gesture, though i don't really understand why it would even be necessary.

02-01-2015, 06:02 AM

meridannight Wrote:why would anybody be surprised? 40 years is way too long to hold a grudge. a year is too long. i'd find it surprising if a person hadn't gotten past what happened in high school by their 40s (earlier!). it's a nice gesture, though i don't really understand why it would even be necessary.

It wasn't "necessary" but it clearly made them feel better.

The first thing I said when they second guy intimated what he was going to do was "bygones".

But in truth they did not even know me, had no idea how I might react, and yet, they did it anyway.

CellarDweller · 02-02-2015, 03:31 AM

Good for them for reaching out.

I had someone come to me on FB, and sent me a friend request. He tormented me from grammar school age through high school. No apology, just a friend request.

I denied it. I hold no grudge or ill will for him, but I don't need to be his friend. After three other denials by me (he kept resending the friend requests) he finally stopped, but he never did apologize.