This Christmas is different...

[ChrisH]

I'd go over my entire year but I think I'll withhold it only to say a couple of things:

- six months ago I was in a relationship, and everything was going quite well. And then it didn't and it ended.

- most Holiday seasons, I look forward to Christmas and all the fun stuff and cheer. This year is different.


I'd say that for one, six months ago I was looking forward to spending Christmas with a boyfriend. It sounded nice six months ago. It would've been a nice change for once.

As for two; a combination of a hospital visit and hurriedly catching up on school work just before finals a few weeks ago just sort of slowed things to a crawl - I was a bit stressed during those two weeks.

And then there's family. I love my family. I love my mother. But the family bipolar disorder has been with her for ten years and this is the worst I've ever seen her. One tiny little thing that isn't to her satisfaction or anything to do with her and somebody gets called some unkind names. Especially me. I forget things, it happens, most would forgive. But I don't even know if my mother has the ability to even let little things go or not. And for two weeks, it's been really busy preparing the house for the holidays and family. Previous years, some yelling would go on and that's the end of it. No name calling, or much swearing. And the worst parts of this year is that she'll fly off the handle, and then, in the blink of an eye, it's like nothing happened - it's this right here where I end up going to bed in a bit of a depressed mood - made a little worse over the fact that I still think about my ex every now and then and especially at Christmas. Perhaps it's the shorter days. I don't know.

I'm looking forward to 2015 but I have the gut feeling that nothing will change much unless I do something about it - like moving out - ; and I've been meaning to do that for three years, but never really had the opportunity to get on with it. School and lack of money plus a bad local job market…and I'm graduating next spring.

It's all one big emotional, stressful mess and I'm tired of it. Really tired of it.

[Virge]

It sounds tough Chris.

Can you answer some questions?

Are you working at all now?
You said you graduate in the spring. What's your major?

I'll check back.

[Rareboy]

Many of us have had one of 'those Christmases'.....and somehow lived through it. There have been more Christmases than I care to recall where I couldn't wait for the whole mess to be over because of others' emotional roller coasters or personal problems.....

You need to find your inner peace....search for the thing that you love about Christmas...and if that isn't coming to you....then move yourself beyond the holiday. After all...it is a pretty artificial high intensity construct. There is no law that says that you have to be happy or enjoying Christmas.

God knows that if you have an emotionally unstable mother.....and God forbid that she might also be going through menopause....it can be like One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest....so just avoid her behaviour by not reacting.

As for the moving bit? You should. At 23, you should be looking to be independent. Start making a plan to do something about this in 2015.

[ShiftyNJ]

I also think all these feelings get compounded at the holidays by the bombardment of hallmarky images of what Christmas "should be like". Most people's lives are probably more like yours, but if we're not careful we start to believe -- based on TV and Facebook and what-all else -- that everybody else is having a great time and we're the only ones struggling. Christmas is "just another day" in that we bring all our problems and quirks to the table with us, and the upset of routine -- plus all these expectations based on either the past or just what we had hoped for -- makes it a potentially stressful time. If someone already has issues like you're describing with your mom -- they can be aggravated.

I hope 2015 brings you some freedom and new relationships that affirm you. Can you get out of the house and spend some time with friends to escape her anger?

[Hardheaded1]

Chris, where are your friends? Are they all at school? Do you have cousins, aunts, uncles, neighbors, fellow club members, church members, or anything?

When you look at your life, consider evaluating how your circles of support work. When I was your age, I actively spread my ties out to give me a little more stability. I got to know classmates at college, neighbors, and others, and always had a little feeling of connectedness, even when having a down spot like you are.

Throw out some lifelines. Don't stay in your bed or room and isolate. Get out there and go see people, even if it is not best friends or boyfriends. Change what you eyes see and you'll change what your mind thinks. Left staring at the blanket over your head or the four walls in your room will result in depression worsening.

Get out. Take a walk, a hike, go see Christmas lights at night. Take a sibling, a friend, an elderly relative or neighbor. SOCIALIZE. Hear a choir, go window shopping, help an old person rake leaves, take a frisbee to a park and play with other people's dogs/kids/them.

Yeah, it's a bummer losing the boyfriend, but don't put all your eggs in one basket. Make outreach, and in so doing, save yourself.

[Darius]

Chris, I have the feeling you are going to be OK. You survived your breakup with the bf even though it still hurts. You've dealt with your mother's mental illness and still managed to get a college education. These are the marks of a winner, in my book. You haven't given up and you won't, even if you are tempted to occasionally pull the blankets up over your head.

Keep a good thought and your eyes on the future. You can do it.

[Wolfpack]

Try to enjoy the good things you have in your life this Christmas, it is does not have to be perfect and you not have to be jolly or in the festive spirit all the time. Just be kind to yourself and enjoy the festive period best you can, hopefully your life will get better in 2015.

[LJay]

There is some good advice above. Try to take it easy and not push too hard for things to be perfect.

If you mom will do it, try having a quiet conversation and asking what she would like to do most in the next few days. Maybe she wants to get out, maybe just have a quiet time. Try to make clear to her that you don't want to push, just that you would like her to have a pleasant time.

[ChrisH]

It sounds tough Chris.

Can you answer some questions?

Are you working at all now?
You said you graduate in the spring. What's your major?

I'll check back.

Associates in Art History. I love art, I love history, I love both combined. Not sure what I want to do with it; been eyeing education, journalism and music degrees after this. And no, unfortunately I'm not working.

Many of us have had one of 'those Christmases'.....and somehow lived through it. There have been more Christmases than I care to recall where I couldn't wait for the whole mess to be over because of others' emotional roller coasters or personal problems.....

You need to find your inner peace....search for the thing that you love about Christmas...and if that isn't coming to you....then move yourself beyond the holiday. After all...it is a pretty artificial high intensity construct. There is no law that says that you have to be happy or enjoying Christmas.

God knows that if you have an emotionally unstable mother.....and God forbid that she might also be going through menopause....it can be like One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest....so just avoid her behaviour by not reacting.

As for the moving bit? You should. At 23, you should be looking to be independent. Start making a plan to do something about this in 2015.

It's on the table.

I also think all these feelings get compounded at the holidays by the bombardment of hallmarky images of what Christmas "should be like". Most people's lives are probably more like yours, but if we're not careful we start to believe -- based on TV and Facebook and what-all else -- that everybody else is having a great time and we're the only ones struggling. Christmas is "just another day" in that we bring all our problems and quirks to the table with us, and the upset of routine -- plus all these expectations based on either the past or just what we had hoped for -- makes it a potentially stressful time. If someone already has issues like you're describing with your mom -- they can be aggravated.

I hope 2015 brings you some freedom and new relationships that affirm you. Can you get out of the house and spend some time with friends to escape her anger?

I have my friend coming over on 23 Dec for gift exchange and some other stuff. When I hang out with her, everything is a lot better. As soon as she's gone though, my mother comes out of her shell. I usually hang out with my best friend about two to three times a week.

Chris, where are your friends? Are they all at school? Do you have cousins, aunts, uncles, neighbors, fellow club members, church members, or anything?

When you look at your life, consider evaluating how your circles of support work. When I was your age, I actively spread my ties out to give me a little more stability. I got to know classmates at college, neighbors, and others, and always had a little feeling of connectedness, even when having a down spot like you are.

Throw out some lifelines. Don't stay in your bed or room and isolate. Get out there and go see people, even if it is not best friends or boyfriends. Change what you eyes see and you'll change what your mind thinks. Left staring at the blanket over your head or the four walls in your room will result in depression worsening.

Get out. Take a walk, a hike, go see Christmas lights at night. Take a sibling, a friend, an elderly relative or neighbor. SOCIALIZE. Hear a choir, go window shopping, help an old person rake leaves, take a frisbee to a park and play with other people's dogs/kids/them.

Yeah, it's a bummer losing the boyfriend, but don't put all your eggs in one basket. Make outreach, and in so doing, save yourself.

Friends are working, or are busy hanging out with other people. I used to have group weekends with a few close friends. That changed when they either broke up with one another, or stopped being friends with me/vice versa; or had changing work schedules or changed jobs. Still trying to organize group weekends again with a few of them though.
I'd go out and see the lights, but it is cold, and it is windy. And I don't want to drive.

I don't go to church, I need to find a club I feel like I belong in, and I don't really have much family - everyone lives out of state.
My neighbors that I'm close with are extremely religious and I've no idea what "stance" they might have on anything LGBT. I did find a book left on their kitchen counter about same sex marriage and God once when I was looking after their dogs. I don't remember the title, but I do remember bits of that book and…well…it has a mixed message. I figured I'd let them form their own opinion from it.

Truth be told, when the school semester is going on, aside from homework at home and classes taking me out of the house (a reason why I will never do online classes at this point), I usually end up finding some little project to work on - usually an excuse to get out of the house. Usually that's photography, window shopping and scenic drives - it inspires me to create ideas with art. Unfortunately, during winter or summer breaks, I can't go anywhere without a huge argument coming from her (unless a friend comes over) - a job would help out, but with the number of applications (and repeat applications) this year, and only a few job interviews (I almost got a job at Walgreens this year)…it's hard. I usually begin looking for jobs after the start of the semester so I can get back into a routine.

Most classmates that I come across and end up befriending rarely if ever try to keep in touch. It just doesn't seem to fit with community college culture, especially where I attend. A little sidebar humor I have with this is the whole "college sweetheart" cliché - especially when there's a guy that's really friendly. I can never tell if someone is gay unless there's some visual clues about them, and even there that can be misleading. (And my school has cut its club program, which doesn't help). Someone told me to use those dating apps to find people and I just think that's awkward and a little demeaning (especially where apps like and including Grindr are concerned).

[JackTX]

I can never tell if someone is gay unless there's some visual clues about them, and even there that can be misleading. (And my school has cut its club program, which doesn't help). Someone told me to use those dating apps to find people and I just think that's awkward and a little demeaning (especially where apps like and including Grindr are concerned).

I totally felt this way at one point. It's pretty common, I'm sure.

Once you get employed, I think you're options will expand a lot. I also agree that meeting new people is key. You need more happiness, people to have fun/laugh with.

This might be nothing, but it's more than anyone else gave ya! *spit* :

http://www.meetup.com/In-Out-About-A-New...ial-Group/

Good luck