I ve been dating/seeing this guy for a couple weeks now. Things started off really well... we texted all the time and hung out pretty frequently. We d go out for dinner, drinks, I d go to his place to watch movies and we d cuddle on the couch, and we had a few makeout sessions. One day I went over to his place and we watched a movie in his bed, and we ended up having sex. He seemed to enjoy it, and I did as well. Everything still seemed fine after that, but when I left his place, he all of a sudden started becoming very distant. I texted him a few times afterward, but I would always get short responses, and he would never text me unless responding to something I said. It s now been three days since we hooked up and now there has been very little contact at all, when we used to text almost all day, every day.
I m worried something I did might have scared him off, but I don t know what. It just seems really strange to me that all of a sudden he would be acting so distant. Most people might think he was just looking for sex and now that he got it from me, he s moving on. I don t know if I buy that though, because otherwise I don t think it would have taken until our 7th time hanging out for us to get to that point. And he never seemed interested in just sex when we were hanging out before. I want to know what s up, but don t really want to ask out of fear of looking insecure/clingy.
Any ideas why he s being so quiet after we shared such an intimate moment?
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You probably should stop thinking you did something wrong. It sounds like the problem is his and if is and he is unwilling to share his reasons, you are left hanging. Don't stay there long.
We could speculate a thousand reasons what happened with him, but that is all it would be...speculation.
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Should I mention something to him though, about how he has been seeming distant? For all I know it could be nothing, but its just weird how it was just a sudden break in contact. But again I dont want to come across sounding insecure about it.
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It would only be clingy if you asked repeatedly. Otherwise, I think it is the natural thing to do. He has changed, it seems, and you have a right to know why. If he denies that there is a problem, you will have to go by his actions and not just his words.
Good luck and let us know what happens.
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Hey there,
I have been there before, don't let it take over your thoughts. The thing is you never know until you ask him. Make it simple and not about you, maybe text him and say that you want to meet him and talk to him. Start with "Are we okay?" maybe ask him also what is he looking for at the moment, and please do it in person. He will probably explain his reasons, but if he doesn't then at least you know that you can move on.
I don't think you will sound insecure if you're actually worrying about this, it makes you a human being. The only insecure part about this is that you're thinking that you did something wrong; everybody makes mistakes, the problem is when you don't actually do something about them and let them take over you.
Good luck buddy
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Well, I did text him the other day asking if he'd like to go out for dinner sometime this week, and he said that it's a busy work week for him but that he should be able to do Thursday. I guess this is a positive sign that he at least still wants to hang out with me... but since that text conversation I have heard nothing from him.
I plan to talk to him about it when I see him. I guess I cant help but feel insecure and like I did something wrong, because things were going so well between us, and then as soon as we had sex it was like we hit a brick wall. I've never been the most confident person in terms of my body and my performance in bed - I can get very nervous and shy, which is what happened with him, although we both still enjoyed it. But now I cant shake the feeling that he was maybe turned off somehow by what happened in bed and thats why he doesnt seem interested in talking anymore.
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Maybe he felt things were going too fast and got scared. You went from hanging out and texting all the time to sex - practically married and moving in! He's not ready for that kind of commitment and threw on the brakes.
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Who initiated sex? Just curious.
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It was kind of mutual, honestly. We were both laying in bed cuddled (I was behind him), and I just shifted my position a little bit but then he started to move as well. We started grinding and it all just escalated from there.
Again, he definitely seemed to enjoy it, although neither of us orgasmed because I had a dinner date with my sister that I was going to be late for, so we didn't get to finish. But it still ended on a good note, we gave each other a kiss goodbye when I left, and he actually did text me right after I left saying I hope I enjoyed my dinner, with a smiley face. But then after that it was like every time I texted him he did nothing but give me short emotionless replies, and never would text me unless I texted him... when before that, it was 90% him that would text me.
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bv33 Wrote:Well, I did text him the other day asking if he'd like to go out for dinner sometime this week, and he said that it's a busy work week for him but that he should be able to do Thursday. I guess this is a positive sign that he at least still wants to hang out with me... but since that text conversation I have heard nothing from him.
I plan to talk to him about it when I see him. I guess I cant help but feel insecure and like I did something wrong, because things were going so well between us, and then as soon as we had sex it was like we hit a brick wall. I've never been the most confident person in terms of my body and my performance in bed - I can get very nervous and shy, which is what happened with him, although we both still enjoyed it. But now I cant shake the feeling that he was maybe turned off somehow by what happened in bed and thats why he doesnt seem interested in talking anymore.
It helps to have more information.
If the sex was okay...even enjoyable.....he may not have felt the kind of passion or high energy connection sexually with you. Hey. It happens. It was one of the reasons why I never wasted 7 dates with someone before we hit the sheets. When the sexual connection (not the performance) wasn't there...the guys went into the friend zone and we both moved on to find the type of person that we needed.
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