Update on my 40 year old crush at work.

[djharris79]

So last time I posted about my 40 year old crush, I mentioned that we went out to play pool and ate dinner and that I was wondering if I should tell him that I was gay or not. I also was wondering if it was a date or just a friendly outing with a new coworker(me). So the update is....it turned out that he is an awesome guy. Very friendly. He now knows that I'm gay, a few people at work knows which is cool. None of them seems to mind at all. So anyways, I actually became really good friends with him. He would invite me to movies, games, kayaking, dinner, pool. Sometimes just the two of us, sometimes with friends. It also turns out that the crush was just a crush, just because he is very handsome and I initially was attracted to him. Although he said he is straight, I am still wondering if he might be telling the whole truth. The fact that he is over 40, not married, no children, no girl friend. He shaves his chest and arms, always worries about looking younger. The way he talks. Never once that I've seen him make a pass at anyone men or a woman. Never have I heard him talk about women and how sexy they are. I have straight friends and they annoy me with their constant talks about women. This guy makes me wonder. But off course just cause I don't see him do all those things doesn't mean that he might be gay, but it does make me very very curious. Maybe I should try to seduce him and see how he takes it. Naaah, I wouldn't do that to a friend. Plus, he is very nice person and I don't want to ruin the friendship that we have.

[Hardheaded1]

There are lots of possible answers.

My first choice would be that he told you the truth.

Maybe he was jilted. Maybe he got drunk and date raped his girlfriend. Maybe he had an accident when he was cycling and lost his balls. There are limitless what-ifs.

In general, don't second-guess another man's sexuality. You made yours plain. He chooses your friendship. You've made no intimation that he has expressed any sexual attraction to you. That's for some reason.

As you already stated, be thankful for his friendship. If you cannot be only his friend, reconsider it all.

[djharris79]

Thanks for your comment, you actually made me realize that what I was doing, questioning his sexuality, which I shouldn't be doing. I failed already as a friend. I should stop and just be a good friend as he has been to me. I feel like an idiot.

[Hardheaded1]

No. You didn't fail as a friend.

The heart feels what it feels. It is natural to hope.

Just being honest with yourself about it will help you heal.

Never be ashamed of hoping. But, lucky are you to have such a good friend.

[JCasey]

Enjoy the friendship. If it develops into something else, fine, but let whatever happens occur naturally.

[MikeW]

[MENTION=21866]Hardheaded1[/MENTION] is right as usual, [MENTION=17582]djharris79[/MENTION] best to not try and second guess another man's sexuality. Generally the way I see it is if someone finds you attractive, they're going to let you know, especially if you've come out to them. If he hasn't expressed any sexual attraction then it doesn't really matter "why".