Over 40 And Single

[ShiftyNJ]

HA! I love this so much!! Absolutely start a group of all of us like-minded people that feel this way and have either a support group to meet each week... OR like you start dating within that group! What a FANTASTIC suggestion... Thanks!

Meetup.com would be a great tool to plan events with such a group and maybe discover some other ways to make friends. There are a few outdoors/hiking groups in my area and a large percentage of the guys who participate are 40+ and single. Making a romantic connection is not the focus but it is certainly possible and has happened. If you feel yourself getting depressed being outdoors can help sometimes, esp. in your area where it is sunny most of the time.

[MikeW]

Oh wow! Thanks,,, well it looks like I have 44 more to go! Yikes!

Like [MENTION=17788]Beau[/MENTION] says, you just need to work at getting your post count up. If you've not participated in forums before you probably don't know what "trolls" are… the 50 count thing is to keep the troll population down. We still get them but not nearly as many as some forums that don't moderate the first posts as closely. Once you have 5o posts, things open up… you can PM and there is a InstantMessage feature, too.

N E Way, welcome to the forum. Sorry for your loss. I've lost *two* partners… first one in 1997 (Valentine's day ) and the second day after thanksgiving, 2010… however, I wasn't partnered with him at that time. It was still a shock and a loss. So, I can relate to the trauma and loneliness. That said, I'm skeptical of getting into a relationship again. I don't consider myself "relationship material" to be honest but if that is what you want, you should go for it and we're here to be supportive of your quest.

I think it is a good thing for someone your age to be active and out and about if you're up for it. In the mean time, just keep coming back and posting whatever's on your mind.

~Mike

[1960SingleBear]

I've tried some Meetups in my area... I eventually gave up... there were always a bunch of no-shows and the ones I tried out were very cliquish and would go off on their own and I would be left alone... walking up and introducing myself one at a time to different people. I don't know if it's just LA or what? I think these are good and I'm glad they exist and maybe if you already know a group of friends and do it together.. but for a single person to enter one of the meetups out of the blue hasn't work for me.

I even set up one of my own and kept if for about 2 months... It was a roller skating group and several people joined and stated that they were "coming" on a certain date and time and ALL no shows.. But that's okay because I have a good group of co-workers I go with every Wednesday night which is "Rainbow Skate" for the LGBT community and it's a blast! NONE of my co-workers are gay but we ALL have a blast. I would love to meet a guy from the skating rink because I think that is another thing to have in common and I'm not giving up on that idea either...

In any case I do appreciate your comments so very much! THANK YOU!!

Jim

[1960SingleBear]

Hello Mike,

THANK YOU so very much for sharing your personal story with me... and I am so so very sorry for you loss (twice)... and loss is hard enough but when it happens on or so close to a major holiday. I mean Valentine's Day!!! And Thanksgiving... I'm truly sorry you had to go through that...

And who knows maybe I'm not relationship material either and God's trying to show me this?? lol
All I know is I just have such a huge desire to love someone and be loved back that I get to see every day. And I do miss the emptiness in bed (not even talking about sex)... just the cuddling/spooning and laying in bed together. I miss the simple watching our favorite TV shows or movies together... and of course there would be some arguments/fights but we got through them and worked them out and the cycle is worth it to be with someone you love so much!

I will never give up though... and I'm hoping I don't come off as desperate. My life is very full with work and roommates and co-worker friends, and grown kids and a granddaughter and my brother and my sister and my whole sister's family!! So never a dull moment... LOTS of love going around. But all that does not take the place of having a significant other... But I'm content (lonely and content)...

Thanks to you and everybody that has posted here so far!

I'll figure this 50 posts thing eventually and navigate better...

[MikeW]

… walking up and introducing myself one at a time to different people. I don't know if it's just LA or what? I think these are good and I'm glad they exist and maybe if you already know a group of friends and do it together.. but for a single person to enter one of the meetups out of the blue hasn't work for me. ...

It's definitely not just LA.

[1960SingleBear]

Ha!! Right after I wrote that line about LA... I thought the same thing. I've only lived in LA for 4 years. I was only an hour away from LA before that though... different county and different feel BUT still the same issues were there... I'm sure it's everywhere. People are people..

[MikeW]

Hello Mike,

THANK YOU so very much for sharing your personal story with me...

You're welcome. I didn't see this until this morning. It may have been moderated and not visible. I agree, what I miss more than sex is cuddling, sleeping together and that kind of physical intimacy. Somehow, having someone to talk to and touch helps one's own life feel more real. It's just nice to get a hug or to be touched on a regular, day to day basis. I'm glad to hear your life is full with other people and goings on.

I don't have much of a social life at all -- one of the reasons I'm on forums a lot. Oddly enough, though, although I miss physical contact, I very seldom feel "lonely" in the sense you're using it. Sometimes I miss sharing things but, on the other hand, I very much enjoy my solitude and privacy. I think people are very different in how much they *need* intimate others in their lives.

As for getting your post count up (if you have time and inclination) the best way is to go here:
https://gayspeak.com/forumdisplay.php?f=43 and just post silly stuff in the word game threads. Doesn't matter much *what* you post. Just keep talking w/ us when you have the time and inclination.

[ShiftyNJ]

I've tried some Meetups in my area... I eventually gave up... there were always a bunch of no-shows and the ones I tried out were very cliquish and would go off on their own and I would be left alone... walking up and introducing myself one at a time to different people. I don't know if it's just LA or what? I think these are good and I'm glad they exist and maybe if you already know a group of friends and do it together.. but for a single person to enter one of the meetups out of the blue hasn't work for me.

I even set up one of my own and kept if for about 2 months... It was a roller skating group and several people joined and stated that they were "coming" on a certain date and time and ALL no shows.. But that's okay because I have a good group of co-workers I go with every Wednesday night which is "Rainbow Skate" for the LGBT community and it's a blast! NONE of my co-workers are gay but we ALL have a blast. I would love to meet a guy from the skating rink because I think that is another thing to have in common and I'm not giving up on that idea either...

In any case I do appreciate your comments so very much! THANK YOU!!

Jim

I am sorry to hear that; I have never tried to organize one myself but I have seen that a large percentage of people do sign up and then flake. I think part of it is that (like much of the social media) there are no consequences to being a flake... unless you have to pay a deposit, there is nothing to keep you from bailing except the risk of a bad reputation on that site.

I think your skate event holds good possibilities. People who show up there are seeing you in a good light; among friends, relaxed and doing something you enjoy.

[1960SingleBear]

I appreciate your comments.... especially about my skating event. I always thought the exact same thing.. And it's not like I'm going anywhere. I love going each week and I'm not going to stop. So whether or not something "happens" I'm still having a good time. I appreciate all your feedback and comments too... Very nice of you!

[CellarDweller]

I was just wondering, regarding the skating events, do people near your age show up for the events?

I think most people view skating as a 'youth' thing, and was wondering if this would limit your chances of meeting someone. I used to love to roller skate, but can't remember the last time I actually did. Maybe another activity would get better results?

The bowling league I'm on has a great mix of LGBT members, all ages, but the majority in their 40s - 50s, some older.