I just want to die

[Anonymous]

First: I'm not thinking about suicide, I did it in the past but not today.

I'm not depressed and I don't see everything dark, I just want to die. Actually I don't want to live, which is different. I don't like life, I used to be depressed I was into psychotropic drugs, then I saw good theraphists and I surpassed my problems, but even today if you ask me about my motto, If you ask me about what I think at the end of every single day... ''Another day is over, luckily.''
And it will be like this forever, in my innermost.

I don't like this human society, I don't have a future and I accepted it, I'm just waiting. I'm nihilist but but I'm not passive, and I'm trying to be the master of my destiny cause I hate that the most of my friends today are only 'what society wants from them' and I don't want to be like this, but I know that I will never be happy I will never find something like 'love' or 'satisfaction' cause I don't believe in people, neither in myself and I don't believe in the future.
I don't want to lie about that, I don't want to live in a lie.

This is just a confession.

[East]

One of my best friends for many years now sounds exactly like you...and she pretty much makes a case about life in general that sounds very much like you as well....

And when she tells me this...I know there is only one thing I can do...listen...and let her know I heard her....

I know not to offer solutions...not because I don't think there are any...but because I respect that she thinks this way. There is nothing she says that isn't the truth...

I guess I just wanted you to know that I listened...I see things much differently myself but we are each different and I don't know the dynamics that are in play for you. I know what they are for my friend....and she us so much more than she thinks she is...but I have to keep it to myself until she gets out of the nihilistic funk and then I introduce it on her terms when I see an opening....

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I can tell you this much, depression is not always about being dark and sad, it often is a more dull sensation that steals ones "Joie de vivre", leaving one not enjoying life, but not actually all dark and gloomy over it all. It is possible you have what is called 'low grade depression' not actually at the point of laying in bed weeping sadness, but not actually leveled out in your moods thus able to appreciate life fully.

It also seems to me that you have a head on your shoulders, a brain that actually works and you can see that the world isn't all that it could be. Such as how your peers are all trying to live by social standards and all fall into line like tin soldiers.

I empathize with you in your feelings, and I validate these feelings.

There will be moments of happiness/joy. And don't discount love just yet. Love does happen when we least expect it.

Since therapists and medications worked on deep depression, perhaps you should consider more therapy to fine tune your tools and even consider going on a low dose antidepressant to see if that pushes your mood out of this rut?

[Rareboy]

I honestly can't believe that you are so inwardly focussed that you can't think of a thing to do with your time that could assist others. If you don't want to live for yourself, then live to help others. If you don't like humans, then work on behalf of animals. If you don't care for animals then spend your time working to help the environment. If you hate the environment, then do 5000 piece jigsaw puzzles and when you're finished, start over.

If you are creative, you should use this bleak emotional wilderness you live in in your art.


At the moment you are still seriously depressed and flattened out. You need to express these thoughts of existential emptiness to a qualified counsellor.

[Jay]

I don't like this human society, I don't have a future and I accepted it, I'm just waiting. I'm nihilist but but I'm not passive, and I'm trying to be the master of my destiny cause I hate that the most of my friends today are only 'what society wants from them' and I don't want to be like this, but I know that I will never be happy I will never find something like 'love' or 'satisfaction' cause I don't believe in people, neither in myself and I don't believe in the future.
I don't want to lie about that, I don't want to live in a lie.

This is just a confession.

Then take a role to change what you dislike about the society. One person can make a difference. Even a small one.

You can't just simply criticize and wait for the others to change for you.

[Lexington]

You clearly don't want (or even need) help since you have your answers. But then why the post? Or are you offering to aid us?

Lex

[BlueStar]

You clearly don't want (or even need) help since you have your answers. But then why the post? Or are you offering to aid us?

Lex

Actually, I believe he wrote this post because he's asking for help, even if he doesn't seem to.

Anonymous, you're being quite pessimistic. Just a reminder, every single human is different from the other, and surely not all of them are as bad as you think.

Just to be short...

When you find a place in which you'll be definitely happier than you are right now, go get to it, even if it is located 10000 miles away. This should be your future. You're not allowed to say you have no future.

[TwisttheLeaf]

Hey man, I'm sorry that you're having a hard time.

Since therapists and medications worked on deep depression, perhaps you should consider more therapy to fine tune your tools and even consider going on a low dose antidepressant to see if that pushes your mood out of this rut?

I, also, would really suggest going back into therapy. Therapy isn't for just when you're feeling bad, it also helps in -keeping- you feeling good. When you keep going back once every other month or so, it works as a kind of maintenance to help keep things in balance.

Depression isn't a curable "disease". A person who has experience severe clinical depression has a very high chance of experiencing it again in the future, and with each future episode they have a higher chance of experiencing it again. This is why you want to keep up on the maintenance, as it helps in staving off future episodes, and can help in making these episodes less severe.

Also, being suicidal is not a good way to judge whether or not you were depressed. Just saying.

I do understand your viewpoint, and share many of your views. I too have gone through quite a bit of depression in my life. In my last visit with my therapist, we discussed a few things that you might find interesting. When someone goes through severe clinical depression, it "rewires" the persons brain. Influences their outlook and sets pessimism as their normal mode of operation.

This doesn't mean that we can't sometimes we can sometimes be optimistic, it just means that it's not the normal for us anymore on a day-to-day basis. This is another reason that "maintenance" therapy is important, as we have the ability to drag ourselves down even when we don't mean to, and sometimes don't even realize we're doing it.

There will be moments of happiness/joy. And don't discount love just yet. Love does happen when we least expect it.

Despite the disgust with society as a whole, not *every* person in the world is bad, yeah? That would be statistically impossible. Perhaps exposure to a different circle of people would help you find some of them? They're kind of like finding a needle in a haystack, but they are out there.

((Disclaimer: please excuse the typos and autocorrects, as I did this post via dictation.))

[himself]

Sometimes, you just feel like saying stuff. I don't know, maybe he/she's looking for approval / for someone to say it's okay. I've never experienced depression, but it's normal (or so I assume) to feel kind of guilty about anything and everything and it's nice for someone to say that it's not you're fault. Even if you already know that, it's nice to have someone else kind of absolve you.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Even if you already know that, it's nice to have someone else kind of absolve you.

Absolution:

God, the Father of mercies, through the death and resurrection of his Son has reconciled the world to himself and sent the Holy Spirit among us for the forgiveness of sins; through the ministry of the Church may God give you pardon and peace, and I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.