Who is Jack Schitt?

[Barefoot]

Who is Jack Schitt ?

For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt ?
We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, "You don't know Jack
Schitt!" Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in
an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the
fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt,
Inc. They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious
couple produced seven children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla
Schitt, Bull Schitt, Eat Schitt and the twins Deap Schitt and Dip
Schitt. Against her parents' objections, Deap Schitt married Dumb
Schitt, a high school dropout.

After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe
Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and, because her kids were living
with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as
Noe Schitt Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son
with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt.

Eat Schitt married Anne Dye. They produce a daughter, and Eat
Schitt named her after his mother - Noe Phucking Schitt.

Two of the other seven children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were
inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens
brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper
announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials.

The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He
recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

Now when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt," you can
correct them.

Sincerely,

Crock O. Schitt

[MikeW]