How to solve this the right way or is it too late?

[ShiftyNJ]

Long story short - I would have not responded to him, if he had not been so touchy-feely about me, i mean he was relentless. For almost a year. Plus, we simply clicked.

And I have never really believed, there is "The One". For me, relationships are an investment of effort and emotion. Some need more to be invested in while other very little. I chose to be with my boyfriend because I liked him and we still share the same life goals.

But he's the one you moved to be with. And is he on the same page?

I understand completely about the physical bit and hope you do not feel judged by my questions. I hope this is helping you process.

[rubeus]

No, but we are planning to

[MikeW]

MikeW, You actually made me think about what I am afraid of losing or have lost. Years ago I was a lot like him; maybe not as humble but I genuinely cared about people around me. Stuff happened, some painful experiences (not boyfriend-related) and I changed, and not for the best. I think he has reminded me of who I once was and I try to get back to it because of him. And I actually am getting there; volunteering and being involved again.

Confused, afraid.. yes!! I perfectly understand all the points made here. I realise how a romantic relationship would have been disastrous in this case. I used to think it might be all in my head, but I have been "touched" in a flirty and meaningless manner. I know the difference how it is to be flirted with by someone who is gay. Let me just say, this dude is the only one who has done a prolonged double handshake with massaging my palm and deep looking in my eyes while standing on the porch

With my current relationship in mind, this is a challenge for me. I have always wanted a lasting relationship with a man, get married, have kids. Me and my boyfriend are on the same page about it. As one of you put it, I really do have a good thing going on here and I like him. But he is 5 years younger than I am. Doesn't he deserve to be loved by someone passionately and fully, the way he loves me? He's a great guy but I have lost that feeling for him and the other guy has "pointed out" what I am missing in my boyfriend in a way. Something he cannot learn or change in himself, not that he should.

I believe you've posted the above but it was held for moderation by the system. Yet the system notifies me it was posted… o.O

N E Way…

So you're aware that you have lost something in yourself -- something this guy reminded you of -- and you're working to get it back. Excellent! Now, is there any way this *fits in* with your current relationship? I'm not exactly sure what I'm trying to suggest here myself, it's kind of a hunch, really, and could be totally off the wall. But I'm thinking… you have this relationship now and in many ways it seems to work… so, what is this "wandering" or as you put it "I have lost that feeling for him" -- and so far as I can make out, what you mean is *passion* (as in sexual passion, as in desire, as in something you long for but can't have?). That's one of the screwy things about the way we sexualize other human beings. There's something about "forbidden" or "unobtainable" fruit… all the more desirable because of it. But, then it is readily available in our life and, hum, than hunger just isn't there any more is it?

So… now what? I think this is a very, very important question -- and cross roads -- for any gay relationship. Don't make any decisions to hastily here. There is a lot at stake.

[rubeus]

I went to the gym and though about it. A lot. I am not really sure if the guy is a forbidden fruit. He is 7 years my junior, deeply Catholic. I understand that I cannot be in a relationship with him. I don't think I can sway someone who prays every morning and afternoon, volunteers for Sunday schools, makes prayer podcasts.. What he have me seemed to be "slips" of attention. Only when we were alone or nobody saw us. Only when nothing else worked, he dropped hints. His moves made me realise, that he is hitting on me like he hits on girls maybe. I am not sure if I sexualise him as having sex with him or even kissing him might have had some serious aftermath.
I have had past serious, long-term relationships with women and my current boyfriend just reminds me why those did not last. He is needy, irrational, controlling and whiny. I have said to him, how it annoys me but with no lasting results. On the other side, he is lovely - a really nice person, kind and generous. I miss the "guy things" in a "guy relationship"; doing sports, going hiking/camping together. That is what I miss and want in a relationship. More manliness [I am not sure, if I am using this term correctly here, forgive me]. With the Catholic guy I could talk for hours, time flew by with him - his touching was more of an annoyance than desirable. It made me feel uncomfortable, as I assumed that someone with a girl and deep in his religion could not be gay.

[ShiftyNJ]

Okay so the feelings he awakened in you made you realize you settled for someone who is available but not really what you are looking for, and now you feel restless because you know such things are possible, which is probably amplifying the things about your boyfriend that annoy you.

But it sounds like what you really need is a guy who is both emotionally and romantically available (remember your current quarry is also in a relationship with a woman... do you want to be someone's dirty little secret?) AND has the personality traits and interests that appeal to you.

[Hardheaded1]

[MENTION=22590]rubeus[/MENTION]

Perhaps you slightly misunderstood one of my questions: what is the depth of devotion he has for YOU versus your BF's devotion to you? I was asking if you weren't maybe responding to the age gap and his looking up to you.

But, you have subsequently posted about faith and your desire to return to the less jaded you, the you that will help change your world. Please read Gerard Manley Hopkins' Spring and Fall To a Young Child: http://www.bartleby.com/122/31.html

Is is possible it is Margaret you mourn for? Is it possible you are projecting your own idealized youth onto your missing lover as a longing for innocence lost?

You stated you had lost that passionate feeling for your BF, but you don't seem to be open to trying to find it. Is it not simply possible that you have the Seven Year Itch, or some equivalent thing? Could this just be the point of transition where the excitement cools down to the mature level that many couples find after the burning desire gives way to companionship?