The anger and hurt that I have been left with from a best friend who brutally left me with a cold heart and simply stopped talking to me for no reason after I tried so many times to figure out what is up with her since I felt like myself around here but she wouldn't tell me why. And my Gay best friend who was a peace corps volunteer but had to evacuate from the country since the US wasn't comfortable with the state of our country. I used to vent to her about everything, she literally was the only person who knows everything about me. So it was heartbreaking to say goodbye to her. Eventually, the person who I looked up to in life and thought was the best person I know in my whole entire life turned out to be a compulsive and pathological liar among many things aka. The catfish. All of these unfortunate events happened one after the other. Life has been bigger than a bitch to me, throwing so many curves at me. Hence, the anger and hurt that I had in me have been directed in a bad way.
I have been going through such traumatic changes. I developed a strong immunity system towards people and stopped letting anyone easily and caring about them as I stopped caring about many things that I used to before. Recently, I have changed my concept about a loyal relationship to one man. When I decided I didn't want men that way, they all decided they wanted me. My phone and Manjam account have been blowing up with messages... Just about two days ago, I was chatting with three people at the same time, Sexted with one, broke up with the other (Since I felt like he was developing emotions for me) and stayed with the last one only to start talking to two more...
Which makes me wonder... After all this... Am I OK?!
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verysimple Wrote:...Which makes me wonder... After all this... Am I OK?! Doesn't exactly sound like it to me, TBH. Sounds to me like you're acting out... which, given some of what you've been through, is somewhat understandable. The problem with "acting out" is it usually ends up coming back to bite you in the butt (unexpected consequences) which often ends up being even more painful than whatever it was that started the "acting out" in the first place. THEN... it can escalate to acting out even more or harder, getting into the total IDGAFALAEAML* mind set... which is a total downward spiral. *=(I don't give a fuck about life and especially about my life.)
How'bout I say, "sorry you're dealing with this right now, [MENTION=21000]verysimple[/MENTION] , and give you a big cyber hug {{{{{{{{{{{{vs}}}}}}}}}}}}
There, now, party hearty but don't take your anger and frustrations out on anyone else -- *especially* yourself, K?
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So, you are going to let what you hated most about them (disloyal, unkind, dishonest) turn you into them?
Does that sound OK to you?
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MikeW Wrote:Doesn't exactly sound like it to me, TBH. Sounds to me like you're acting out... which, given some of what you've been through, is somewhat understandable. The problem with "acting out" is it usually ends up coming back to bite you in the butt (unexpected consequences) which often ends up being even more painful than whatever it was that started the "acting out" in the first place. THEN... it can escalate to acting out even more or harder, getting into the total IDGAFALAEAML* mind set... which is a total downward spiral. *=(I don't give a fuck about life and especially about my life.)
How'bout I say, "sorry you're dealing with this right now, [MENTION=21000]verysimple[/MENTION] , and give you a big cyber hug {{{{{{{{{{{{vs}}}}}}}}}}}}
There, now, party hearty but don't take your anger and frustrations out on anyone else -- *especially* yourself, K?
Thanks mickey! I love you.
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It seems to me like you know you aren't really ok.
You had a bad run and it kind of feels like you want to say Fuk it and throw in the towel.
If you need to let loose for a while it's fine, but my guess is you won't find it very fulfilling.
Maybe you need to be a little more cautious who you let in.
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I think you're going through a rough time right now, perhaps need a break from everything.
I went through a similar time, I spent a lot of time by myself.....thinking, hiking, meditating, exercising, writing.
Anything that would help put me right with me, and then I was able to work on everything else.
be gentle with yourself.
![[Image: 51806835273_f5b3daba19_t.jpg]](https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/51806835273_f5b3daba19_t.jpg) <<< It's mine!
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reaper Wrote:It seems to me like you know you aren't really ok.
You had a bad run and it kind of feels like you want to say Fuk it and throw in the towel.
If you need to let loose for a while it's fine, but my guess is you won't find it very fulfilling.
Maybe you need to be a little more cautious who you let in.
yepp. Absolutely. U can never trust ppl.
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CellarDweller Wrote:I think you're going through a rough time right now, perhaps need a break from everything.
I went through a similar time, I spent a lot of time by myself.....thinking, hiking, meditating, exercising, writing.
Anything that would help put me right with me, and then I was able to work on everything else.
be gentle with yourself.
Yea, getting away is always a great idea. Thank you! But I think that I am over all of this. Just need a little time to heal completely I guess.
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If you diminish yourself because of someone else, they have won.
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It is a mistake to think that you have hardened your heart and become cynical.
We've all been there so don't worry too much...but what you are going through is a pretty normal response to events as you mature.
Don't let yourself be catfished. You must have known it was too good to be true.
Don't be conned by sociopaths. You hopefully now know more of the signs.
Do remain open to making as many friends as possible...to listening and helping when you're needed and to losing your heart to the right guy.
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