What's a Guy to Do?

[sshady]

Okay, I’m sitting here writing this at 2:00AM. I’m pretty much losing sleep over the fact that I’m gay. Just seeing those three little letters on my computer screen is causing me discomfort. I’m hoping that I can at least get some support or ideas on this site. I’m still "in the closet," and as far as I’m concerned, it's going to stay that way. I don't want to be gay. If it comes down to it, I will be alone for the rest of my life to keep from being with a guy. Is it wrong that I think like this? My family cannot find out my secret. My dad is a pastor, so you know how that would go over. I just keep thinking, "why me?" The way I feel right now, is that I’m going to have to tell someone about it or I’m going to explode. I hope that my writing this will relieve some of the pressure. My family is beginning to wonder why I’m not interested in dating. And I’m running out of excuses to tell them. I’m at my wits end.
Sorry for being so "messy" with my thoughts here. I hope there is someone out there that I can talk to about this. Thanks for reading.

AmericanBoy – 16 years old.

[princealbertofb]

Hello, sshady, and to GaySpeak. I think you have found the right site to at least relieve some of that stress and discomfort.
I'd like to reassure you, that what you are going through is not uncommon and I daresay there are a few of us here who've felt exactly like you. Why me? I don't want to be gay. I can't even consider calling myself gay... etc. However, may I commend you on your courage with facing the facts. Just being able to say to yourself (even if it is from the bottom of your lonely closet) "I'm gay", and even if it makes you sick to your stomach, probably due to all the "shit" that you expect is to come to you, is going to make your life just that little bit better and I think you know deep down that that is your truth, and that some day it'll be just better to own it. I'd say you are beginning to own it. Bravo.

You're young, and things will change, even your courage and your wits end... So arm yourself with courage and contemplate how you might, some day, just come out from there and find happiness.
May I ask you how you have ascertained that you were gay? Is there a special someone that has made you feel that way?

[Lexington]

Welcome to GS! Not sure why you're writing this at 2am but posting it at 4:30pm, but hey.

Quick analogy. Say you're living in a house built for small people - like three feet tall. So you're constantly bent over to fit in the hallway, and bonking your head on the doorframes, and your back hurts from curling up into the tiny bed each night. And you might start thinking "If only I weren't so tall, everything would be OK."

But the problem isn't that you're too tall.
Your problem is - you're in the wrong house.

And that's where you are now. Your problem isn't "I'm gay". Your problem is that you're gay in a house full of (presumable) homophobic people. And yeah, that sucks. But it's something that can be handled.

No slam against this site, but you might try a site called Empty Closets. It's a site built specifically for teens and young adults who are struggling with their sexualities or gender identities. They have plenty of resources there specifically built for people in your situation.

Best of luck to you. I have a feeling we can get you to a somewhat better head space.

Lex

[princealbertofb]

^^^^^I'd like to extend special thanks to [MENTION=20933]LJay[/MENTION].... Brilliant advice.

[LJay]

Thanks for the thanks, PA of B, but I think you meant Lex. I have not posted on this thread until now.

And sshady, try to chill and be yourself. At 16 we all go through more suff than we want to deal with. That's normal. If someone pressures you about dating, just say that you don't feel like dealing with that right now and move on. Dad's a pastor. He counsels people all the time. If you need to, tell him, "Gosh Dad, I just feel like I'm dealing with a lt of stuff but I don't really know what.Will you be there if I start to figure it out?" He will be.

Don't rush. You don't need to feel like there is some sort of timetable. Lex, is right. Empty Closets can be a good place to see how people ar dealing with things. and there are listening ears here when you need them. Good luck.

from a guy who, once upon a time, was 16 years old in Florida

[Bowyn Aerrow]

In time you will be a full adult, on your own and be able to reassess what it is you really want from life and pursue it.

I can tell you this much for certain: You are that which you are, and the more you deny it, hide from it, try to live a life of deceit and lies to not be it, the more its going to hurt you.

[lrv]

Some of us (if not every single one of us) went through the same thing once in our lives, but after this whole confusion in your head, everything will start cooling down slowly.
Self acceptance is one of the most beautiful things ever, and it's one of the first steps you should try to make. Love yourself, accept yourself. If you need help during the process, you may come to us, we'll be glad to help you out. Carry on! Things will get better!

[princealbertofb]

My excuses go to [MENTION=21778]Lexington[/MENTION], to whom my thanks were initially orientated. Thanks, [MENTION=20933]LJay[/MENTION] for pointing it out...
Sorry to you both for mixing up your names.

[BlueStar]

Nice to meet you