Coming out to relatives...

[chibigiraffe]

Ok, so I've finally decided that I can't hide it anymore. I am thinking about sending a mass message to some of my aunts (and hopefully they can pass it down to other family members). This is more-or-less the message I'm thinking of sending:

Hey, this is ----.
I’ve been going through a lot of stress lately, and holding secrets from my family doesn’t make it any better for me. So here it goes. I’ve been dealing with same-sex attraction for years now and have finally come to terms with it. I am gay. I hope this isn’t too impersonal. I barely see you guys once a year and there are so many family members. I thought this would be the best way to get it to everyone at the same time in the most precise manner. If you have any questions or anything please get in touch. I’m not looking for sympathy or support. I just hate living this lie and I want my family know before it comes out another way.
Love and thanks for reading.

Is this a good idea or what? I'm pretty anxious right now and I'm tired of my immediate family acting like they don't know. Maybe this will force them to acknowledge my coming-out finally...

[MikeW]

I don't know whether its a good idea or not.

Another way to deal with it is to not make some sort of announcement but simply BE GAY (not keep it a secret). IOW, it really isn't *everybody's* business what I do or who I do it with... Do I *really* want to know what all my aunts and uncles are into? (OMFG, so NOT!!!!)

But YMMV and it really has more to do with what YOU need to feel OK for yourself.

[Pyromancer]

I don't have any living relatives except for a father I haven't heard from in almost 9 years, so I'm not entirely sure of the whole family dynamic thing, but one thing snagged my attention --- if your immediate family is in denial, maybe you should let them know what you're about to do? If they're suddenly blindsided by questions from random relatives, it might create more tension than you're already experiencing. Like I say, I'm no expert on this stuff...just a thought...

[CellarDweller]

Family gossip is pretty fast, and I didn't have to make any real announcements, it spread through my family on its own.

I think the email is a good idea, and don't see why you shouldn't send it.

[Watermark]

I think that is good way to do it.

[East]

I am on the extreme end of the coming out thingy...the far far left LOL...

I advocate telling them all immediately and letting the chips fall where they may.

It is what I did...I told my family FIVE MINUTES after it first even occurred to me I was gay..and I was done with it. They were all in one place so it was easy...
I honestly think it is the best approach to tell all of them right away and be done with it. The fact that it tortures and fucks with our minds is reason enough...fear really sucks...

...and if they don't accept you ..fuck them. How about thinking that YOU don't accept THEM and their bigotry...turn the tables and take that power away from them....

That nasty emotional blackmail and CONDITIONAL love is a real burden and it will kill your spirit and suck the life right out of you if you let it....

You have one life to live. If you can't be true to yourself...I just don't see the point.

I rarely enter any coming out threads because I know my advice is a bit blunt and scary...but it is what I believe and I think it deserves a place at the table every now and then...good luck to you!

[chibigiraffe]

Thanks a lot everybody. I'm gonna do it. I think they may be more accepting or at least show a shred of support for me. And if they don't, well then I at least know how they feel instead of stressing about it.

[East]

Thanks a lot everybody. I'm gonna do it. I think they may be more accepting or at least show a shred of support for me. And if they don't, well then I at least know how they feel instead of stressing about it.

I can add one more thing to what I said above....

If you can..try to treat your sexuality as a non issue. It will help ...alot.

If you think about it...our sexuality really IS a non issue. We are who we are...

[chibigiraffe]

Well, i did it. The responses were like "we love you but not the sin" stuff. One even "dared" me to go on a fast for 30 days, asking God for help. I didn't want to tell her that I wasn't a Christian anymore and I suckered into "giving God another chance". Apparently the 10+ years of praying and begging for god's help before wasn't enough for him, he needed 30 more days. I don't even know if I'm actually gonna go through with this fast.

But I feel so relieved and I'm glad to at least know where everybody stands on the ("non-" really) issue.

[reaper]

That's fine as long as you are comfortable with it...in the end that's the most important thing.

I came out to family recently as well. Over the summer I told my mom, brother, cousin, and aunt all in a short period of time. Almost as soon as I knew I was gay.

A few months later I told my stepfather, and a few days ago I had my mom tell my grandfather and an uncle since I plan to bring my bf to the family Easter dinner.

It would have been odd to just show up without them knowing.

I can be kind of private (in some ways) so having them all know my business is a bit awkward, but since I'll be having him around a lot it was somewhat necessary.