Coming Out To My BF's Family

[Pyromancer]

My BF decided to come out to his family...he and I were close friends for 3 years before becoming a couple, so they know me (and used to like me) and he thought it would defuse the situation if we told them together. So we drove up there last night and sat down with them this morning

They started out with the usual disbelief and questions...Kev was staying very calm...until they started in on me. His mom started crying and asking me, How could you do this to my son? His dad told me to leave and said I was no longer welcome there, and his brother was pretty insulting to me...Kev got way pissed then and we left...his dad called him a little later and asked if he was coming back (apparently he was hoping Kev would dump me at the Trailways stop?). Kev said sure, he'd be back as soon as they apologize to me...and that ended that...

I hate this...I don't care about an apology, I just feel so bad that he has to deal with this. He says it has nothing to do with me, it would have been the same no matter who he brought home...and now he's beating himself up for putting me through that...IDK, I just feel so awful about it...

[MikeW]

LOL.... Sorry.... Truly it isn't funny... TO YOU GUYS...

but meanwhile out here in the rest of the world, it's something right out of a comedy script. You're going to BOTH need to laugh at this at some point. Hopefully sooner rather than later...

I mean this was TOTALLY unexpected? Seriously? Kev has been in the closet ALL these years and they've believed it and now he shows up with you in tow and spills the beans?! OMFG. Sorry, I'm still laughing. Actually it is cute as hell, although admittedly not the reactions you wanted and no doubt you feel all sorts of stuff about it... and understandably so.

But for pity's sake DO NOT BEAT YOURSELF(selves) UP ABOUT THIS! Nah, nah, nah... this is NOT the time to start taking anything out on yourself or one another or second-guessing if this might have been handled better and differently. You two have just ripped a huge hole in the family "reality bubble" and no doubt it is going to take a while for THEM to get clear on what the hell just happened.

I suspect (based on nothing much but what little I know of you two) that eventually this will all get sorted out... may take a while though, along with some uncomfortable situations beforehand.

But, w/e, try to look on the bright side of it. You just got a piece of 21st Century dysfunctional family reality drama. You didn't happen to record it did you? Oh, what a precious opportunity to have made a viral YouTube.

My apologies if my humor rankles as offensive, or insensitive, obviously none intended.

[LJay]

This one is going to take time. At least you were both there and know exactly what happened. Try to give the family the space it needs to deal with this and try to be patient if they do contact you. Good luck. This is a long row to hoe.

[Bhp91126]

You guys rock!
:biggrin:
Congrats on doing this together, staying calm, showing a united front in the face of adversity and not letting yourself be influenced by their rejection. Now both of you know what happened, can go over this together, be there for one another when you need it.

It is completely up to them to make up their minds about it and change their tune.

[ShiftyNJ]

Parents frequently say "All I've ever wanted is for you to be happy" and then when you meet someone who makes you happy, they lose their shit because you didn't follow their little script. SMH.

[meridannight]

i'm sorry you had to go through that. hopefully his parents will improve after the initial ''shock'' or whatever it is to them wears off. for some of them, the finding out part is the worst. especially if it comes completely out of the left field for them. if they love their son, they'll have to learn to live with it. so, give them some time. let them process it for a while.

:hugs:

[Pyromancer]

i'm sorry you had to go through that. hopefully his parents will improve after the initial ''shock'' or whatever it is to them wears off. for some of them, the finding out part is the worst. especially if it comes completely out of the left field for them. if they love their son, they'll have to learn to live with it. so, give them some time. let them process it for a while.

:hugs:

I think it came totally out of the blue because they're all...indifferent is the best word I can come up with...to Kev. He's the only one of their kids who moved away and didn't go into the family business (dairy farm) and it's like they think his life isn't real...but hey, maybe I should take it as a compliment, I'm to blame for seducing him into perversion...damn, I must REALLY be all that lol-
(BTW, thanks for your original good wishes...)

[Camfer]

Wow sorry you guys had to endure that crap. I'm so glad you're there for each other.

So what's next? The typical advice is to give them time to process. But here's another option.

Consider inviting them over for a simple meal at your place. Let them see your real, normal, healthy life. His family is not in the driver's seat! They are like children who need clear boundaries and a ton of forgiveness while they learn how to be in the 21st century. They might drop their stupid mindsets faster if you continue to engage them in your life as a gay couple on your terms and in your territory.

Oh and don't serve sausage at this meal. (j/k)

[Bookworm]

As the other guys have said, they just need time to process this and come around to the fact that this is how it's going to be, and adjust accordingly.

I like Camfer's idea of inviting them over for a meal. Your relationship with Kev sounds pretty solid so presenting a united front on your own turf might help in changing their perspective a little sooner.

[Pyromancer]

[MENTION=20941]Camfer[/MENTION], thanks for the support and suggestions...I agree that cutting them off would be a bad idea...Kev is being stubborn, but his anger is about the way they treated me...I told him I'm really not the sensitive drama queen type lol, he'll come around...I'll leave your post on his pillow...

Inviting them to drop by for a meal...well, it's a 4 hour drive, and they run a dairy farm so everyone can't leave at once, so I'll need to be creative.

...so...no sausage? ...could I go to the Deli and pick up tongue sandwiches...?