When is it okay to approach a guy about his sexuality?

[JohnSomebody]

Hey Guys:

I met some of my friends out last night and one of their friends had mentioned a guy that he is crushing on at the University he works at. He mentioned that he sees this guy a lot and they have exchanged hellos and goodbyes but that is as far as things have gotten until recently. Now...my buddy's friend had no clue as to whether this guy was gay or straight and therefore, he decided to approach the guy in this regard a few days ago. He went on to say that the guy nervously laughed a little at him asking and politely responded with "No...I'm Straight". After telling his story...my buddy's friend went on to ask the opinions of all of us who were sitting at the table. The majority of the table gave him a lot of praise for doing so. However, went it came my turn ...I was somewhat the complete opposite. You see...I was polite with my response but I went on to tell him that I thought that was a bold approach on his part due to the fact that could have turned out to be a bad or good situation to say the least especially when you do not have any kind of connection/acquaintance with the guy that you have approached in this manner. I went on to say that I could have never done that and kudos for him for being so bold to do so. I had seen a similar situation as this that went really bad. Once the guy was approached about his sexuality...he went ballistic. However, what I found interesting is that a few days later...I had attended a party and in the corner of the patio...I saw this guy kissing and grinding all up against another guy and yet...he went on this wild rant about him not being gay. Nonetheless...I felt that he is entitled not to share his sexual identity if he chooses to. To conclude, I told the guy that the only way I would ask someone that question only if the person I'm asking and I have established some kind of bond which makes it comfortable for me to ask that kind of question if I chose to do so. With that being said...I wanted to find out what you guys think of this?...Would you approach a guy that you really don't know about his sexual orientation?....Thanks so much in advance for your responses...JS

[LJay]

It's a case by case thing.

[Edward]

I can more or less sense if someone is gay, of course, only after communication with him for a while.

But if I really had no idea, I wouldn't risk. I don't want to end up with my jaw broken if the person turned out to be a homophobe.

[jimcrackcorn]

When the question is of a sensitive nature, approach it gently and you will get an honest answer

There are still lots of people who are in the closet, or semi-in the closet,,, who would not reveal their sexual orientation to someone they barely know. Even I would be hesitant to answer this question correctly if asked by someone who I didn't know well enough to trust.

There are better ways of finding out if the person your interested in - is gay too... Such as asking the guy out for a drink, or coffee, or lunch, etc and letting him know that you are gay.. Or even bringing up your sexual orientation during a short conversation..... Then let him tell you his sexual orientation when he feels comfortable doing so.

John, you are correct. The bold approach isn't the way to go about finding out if someone is gay,,, and in my opinion - it is a bit to brash.

[Beaux]

Unless you count occasionally walking across the dance floor and kissing a guy I have never met before....I don't generally approch guys....they just invariably end up before me by the end of the night...
~Beaux

[Darius]

Too many gay guys want to believe that every guy they crush on is gay. This guy took it too far. I wonder if he asked because he felt he had nothing to lose? Maybe he didn't care if the guy rejected him since he was not invested in him.

[Justme]

Too many gay guys want to believe that every guy they crush on is gay.

IMO too many straight guys want to believe every gay guy has a crush on them. There is more to attraction than what equipment your working with, & straight guys tend to think that just because they have a penis it automatically makes them desirable. NOT!

I think asking ppl if they're gay depends on how & where you ask. I've found that men tend to answer honestly & calm when they aren't asked around other ppl. One also shouldn't ask so bluntly. It sets a fishing tone. Especially if the guy isn't familiar with you. Having a friendly connection usually helps.

[Darius]

IMO too many straight guys want to believe every gay guy has a crush on them. There is more to attraction than what equipment your working with, & straight guys tend to think that just because they have a penis it automatically makes them desirable. NOT!

I don't disagree but what does that have to do with this topic?

[East]

My advice to him would be to just ask him if he wants to fuck. I know...this is 2015 and these things aren't cool anymore...but that is what I did in the 70s and 80s and it worked out fine for me...

I never asked anyone if they were gay or bi or straight though...who cares if they say yes?

[Bowyn Aerrow]

"Are you gay?" is a trick question.

I have never directly come out to a complete stranger, or someone I barely know and ask them point blank - Are you gay?

I have, however, taken the time to cultivate a better understanding of their stance on LGBT issues in general to get a better idea of how accepting they are of homosexuality.

Then I let them know my sexuality and then ask what their's is.

It greases the wheels, makes is much more clearer that you ain't looking for a victim to brutalize or something.