Maybe this should be Anonymous....

[kindy64]

Have trust that your husband will be close back to his normal self when recovery is over. I've seen people who bounced back from these things, and they normally just have a slightly different perspective about being alive.

The things you are having to take on by yourself, if they were shared before, I'm sure they will be shared again. Let him have his time to deal with the cancer.

I personally would advise that you talk to him about how you are feeling. Openness & honesty should be paramount in any committed relationship.

[trywait]

maybe it is your turn to be the "strong" one this time? while your husband regains he strength and recovers?

hang in there beaux. you have already been through a lot in life, what's one more phase? you are definitely a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for.

[Anocxu]

I don't think you're an awful person..
I think you are validating your relationship from an awful perspective.
So your marriage is not so "peachy" at the moment and neither are you?


Something has to give..
Mabe that something is you?

[Cuddly]

So you fell out of love because he got sick? That's a scary thought.
Haven't tried anything like it, hope I never will.

Be patient, I guess..?

[Beaux]

So you fell out of love because he got sick? That's a scary thought.
Haven't tried anything like it, hope I never will.

Be patient, I guess..?

No, I didn't fll out of love. After 20 years, it doesn't exactly work likey that. After my husband started showing signs of neurosis (as well as aggressive behavior and some violence) I began to feel exactly like I described in my initial post; I am not particularly proud of how I feel, but there is no need for you to add to it to make it worse.

Thankfully, we now know that he is suffering from Grave's Disease, and Thyroid Cancer (still waiting for the biopsy to come back to see if it is malignant), and that those conditions are what has caused the sudden (over the past ~2 years) changes in his personality.

We will be going in at 9:30am Friday to get the results of the biopsy, and he is having his Thyroid removed next weekend. He will still have to start Boi-identical hormone replacement, so we arent "out of the woods" yet, but we are getting there.

~Beaux

[Demosthenes]

Hope everything turns out well, Beaux.

[Rareboy]

Wow.

This is another tough row to hoe.

I think we all have had those times when we suddenly realize something about how we feel about loved ones that is not pleasant or even expected. You can't change the fact that this feeling has come over you...but you can and I know you will change how you deal with it from here-on in.

As someone else has mentioned...you now need to look in the mirror and realize that now you not only need to be the strong man you admire...but that you can be this man. At the same time...even strong people aren't always self-reliant and maybe you will need to find a stalwart 'stronger' friend to also nurture you while you are dealing with the stress of your husband's illness.

As you say, this is all good news because at least you now know what has been causing the behavioral changes and can deal with this better now.

Best wishes and a hug.

[ShiftyNJ]

As I just said in the other thread, I am in awe of your ability to survive. I can relate more to this story, in that I'm coping with some similar feelings. My SO changed careers (not his idea, he got laid off) and what he's doing now is not producing enough for him to support himself, so all the expenses are and have been on me for more than a year. I can't pick on him because he's working his ass off; it just takes time, but in the meantime, because he IS the strong and in-control type, just kind of thinks I should trust that this is temporary. In the meantime, a lot of the things I would like to be doing are on hold, and I have to stifle some resentment about that.

So TL;DR while it is by no means as grave as what you're facing, I can relate.

[Buzzer]

I don't think you need to grapple with losing the perception of your boyfriend being a powerful man.

I think you need to grapple with losing your idea that powerful men are never weak.

Even Superman had kryptonite, you know.