Aspie wanting perspective

[kbb]

Wow,

Um, could someone tell me what I can do about having Autism Spectrum Disorder (Asperger's Syndrome)? It's affected many areas of my life. Often, I don't really feel like a person. I find certain things that normal people do every day, like making friends and leaving a good first impression, very difficult to do. I also got the lion's share of bullying when I was a teenager. To this day, I find it difficult to understand closed-minded people.

[Lexington]

Welcome to EC!

You've said you have Asperger's, but you don't seem to know much about coping with it. Were you officially diagnosed with it? Was anything suggested by the people who diagnosed you?

Lex

[jaxc]

Wow,

Um, could someone tell me what I can do about having Autism Spectrum Disorder (Asperger's Syndrome)? It's affected many areas of my life. Often, I don't really feel like a person. I find certain things that normal people do every day, like making friends and leaving a good first impression, very difficult to do. I also got the lion's share of bullying when I was a teenager. To this day, I find it difficult to understand closed-minded people.

Advice from one aspie to another, have thought about or tried to get some kind of counseling or assistance in overcoming this issue, your insurance ( if you have any) should be able to cover it and many places probably have some kind of free service available. Also, are you officially diagnosed ?

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Wow,

Um, could someone tell me what I can do about having Autism Spectrum Disorder (Asperger's Syndrome)? It's affected many areas of my life. Often, I don't really feel like a person. I find certain things that normal people do every day, like making friends and leaving a good first impression, very difficult to do. I also got the lion's share of bullying when I was a teenager. To this day, I find it difficult to understand closed-minded people.

I never got a diagnosis for Asperger's, back when I was a kid and younger, few doctors knew what to look for. And by the time it became well known I had already figured out how to move through life and appear like I was not an alien.

With the advent of the internet age, I took all of those tests and failed - or is it passed? being high end aspergers.

Today I can present as a "normal" human being - and this is contrary to a lot more than just Aspergers - I also have other interesting things like PTSD.

When I was a kid (which is to say my late teens, early twenties, I became a Mall Stalker - or what I called "People Watcher". Yeah I did also follow groups of people that I found interesting - keeping a discreet distance and pretending to be window shopping.

From all of that people watching (stalking?) I picked up a lot of interesting data on how to appear to be human, how to do the basic small talk, how to tell when a person is tired of my conversation well before they run away screaming.

One of the more intense "classes" I took at the mall (and parks and other places where peculiar humans congregate) was looking at faces and learning how to read emotions. From that experience I also picked up what is called by others "Tells".

One of the most helpful people I ever met called me "Spock" - Apparently before I learned there was a star-trek I knew what Vulcans were 'cause I are one. Anyway, One day out of the blue I mentioned to Brian that I just don't understand what people are feeling - that I don't know what X face means over Y face.

So Brian joined me in my stalkerish behaviors and acted as interpreter.

Understand this is not a perfect system of learning that which we are hardwired to not understand. And if you do any psychological study, you will find that sociopaths and psychopaths do this same sort of thing - study people, learn how they react and act and then mimic.

As for friends - I eventually learned that I didn't need a million friends - all I needed was just a few close people who didn't get upset with me over those little social issues.

I also learned the difference between the two words Friend and Acquaintance. Believe it or not, the majority of people in today's society have no clue what the difference is, and they often, and constantly and to my annoyance refer to mere acquaintances as 'friends'.

Social settings. In earnest I tried to fit in, I did find a couple magical drugs that actually made that possible, as far as I know they are still illegal in most of the world. The first is Cocaine (coke, china white, snow, blo - many names). For me it kinda loosened me up a bit to be a bit more chatty, AND it allowed me to leap from subject to subject with confidence and not getting trapped in that 'This is my subject of obsession, nothing else matters.'

Methamphetamine (Speed, Crystal, Crank, Tina - again many names) has the same effect, but lasted longer (about 16 hours longer) and it was to Coke what a hurricane is to a light breeze.

Now I am not advocating drug use here, I'm trying to impress upon you to what lengths I went trying to 'fit in'.

I finally reached the point in my life where I realized I'm not a social butterfly, I'm not interested in small talk, I'm not really on this planet to appease everyone else - and being alone is not really being lonely.

Acceptance of who we are, and what we are is the key to contentment in such matters.

There is this push to 'normalize' Autism - a lot of people use it as a crutch - the first words out of their mouth is 'I have autism, so I don't have to play by your rules.'

That is a bit too far to the extreme, one does have to play by the rules, but many rules can be bent ever so slightly to meet our needs as well as the needs of society.

As for understanding close minded people: I actually never learned how to understand them. Even though I did go to the library and try to get psychological understanding through text books on the mind of the intolerant, the bigot, the hater, the close minded - even the rational explanations defy my logic and my ability to understand.

Its one of those things I have come to accept as being a part of life - sort of like gravity - its there and usually it doesn't bother me, until that is my leg gives out and I fall down the stairs, then gravity sucks. Same with intolerance, its there, and doesn't affect me, until intolerance is aimed at me, or at those around me. Then it sucks.

Hope some of that helps.

[himself]

I am not autistic, but I was talking to an 'aspie' a few years ago. He said that recreational drug taking helped him a lot. Now, I am neither autistic nor do I take drugs. I know so little about these subjects that I think I am an authority on both, which is why I want to encourage you to take drugs recreationally. But this is the internet and people will 'call me out' if I do that, so... counselling is probably what you need. Maybe that will make things better, maybe not. If someone takes you under their wing, maybe you could piggyback on them, if that makes any sense. Again, I don't know what it is like to be an 'aspie' but social situations might become easier if nothing is expected of you and you are still welcome there, whether you talk or not, whether you are connecting to the people or not.

That probably makes no sense. It is late and I have always been bad at laying words and sentences out in the right order.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Drug abuse with high function autistics is pretty common. And yes, for many the initial recreational use does tend to help them to 'fit in' better.

But, it also leads to them getting involved with gang bangers, drug dealers, and a shit load of other unsavory types who will see the autistic side as a weakness and they will play that weakness until the individual has nothing left.

And THAT leads to a vicious cycle of taking more drugs to fit in, to get involved with more ugly people, that leads to more drugs, to more ugly - etc.

As for the drug scene, today its hella worse than back in my 20's.

My primary bus connection here is downtown Transportation Center. I sit outside of the center in the smoking section and I have had the pleasure of seeing just how bad it has gotten. Way too many tweakers, nodders and other sorts that you just know are already high. And the dealers are bold - they walk right up to anyone and ask if you would like to sample some of their product.

Just yesterday waiting for my bus home a lady about my age started talking, her son (early 20's) is on speed - but from what she told me the effects it has been having tells me that this ain't pure meth, this is a mix of other stuff that is literally eating away his nose and face. Plus he has psychosis and other stuff going on which defies the list of symptoms of just meth use.

So drugs are being mixed out there with 'other stuff' and sold as something they are not.

ITs a bad, bad, bad world - and this is from the town where Breaking Bad was filmed...

[kbb]

Thank you all. Your comments on the subject did give me some perspective. Maybe I should start hanging around normal people more often and try to copy their mannerisms.

As for closed-minded people, I think the world falls into that category, sadly. Oddly, and I think we've established that I have as many, if not more, problems as anyone else, but church and being around some of those "so-called closed-minded people" actually seems to do me some good at times. I actually find people buried in the crowd who are willing to try to understand me. They seem to care about me, but they do think I'm odd. The key to finding acceptance is perseverance and a willingness to find common ground. People may say they hate X or Y belief, but once they get to know you, things do seem to change a little. Then, if some struggle comes along life's path that pushes you even closer, it seems like you have a friend. Plus, if the people seem too closed-minded they'll have a really hard time making friends themselves, and that's common ground to take advantage of. Maybe that's only a phenomenon that happens in my neck of the woods. I don't know.

People who stick to their beliefs are easy to learn. It's the so-called "normal" people I have trouble with. I see so much in common between these "so-called closed-minded people" and marginalized groups that I think it's almost silly that they won't talk to each other. One curses another from the pulpits and temples, but why, oh why can't they just listen to one another's perspective?